


Where The Lost Are The Heroes

by Phantom_Apple



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 | Luciel Choi's Route, A LOT of Angst, Angst, Anorexia, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, Gen, Lots of trigger warning, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person Limited, Paranoia, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, all i know is it's a lot longer than 11 days, but also a weird amalgamation of 707's route and v's route with some stuff from other routes too, maybe two months, mc has a name, takes place over the span of a month rather than 11 days, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 07:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 67,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13049688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantom_Apple/pseuds/Phantom_Apple
Summary: Jiyeon Kwong had planned out her suicide for months. Picked the date out and wrapped up everything before heading off to jump. She'd just be one of the hundreds of suicides on Seoul every year; just a statistic, lost in a sea of the dead.But then she got the email.--707's route retelling with elements from the other routes as well. Doesn't strictly follow canon but it does follow the general plot.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. I've wanted to write this for a long time. But playing V's route kicked my butt into gear.
> 
> ... I have 4 ongoing stories already though. Why do I do this to myself? I haven't updated three of them in over two months. Agh. Progress is so slow.
> 
> This story is filled with trigger warnings; it's kind of a vent piece for me. Jiyeon is heavily based off myself and my own issues and getting it out in a way that might lead to something happy is cathartic. Note: conversations in the messenger aren't exactly the same as in the game. And calls aren't strictly when they were in the game. If you're coming here expecting a retelling of Seven's route, I'm sorry to disappoint you.
> 
> Trigger warnings for this chapter: Thoughts of suicide and attempted suicide.

Jiyeon breathed out shakily, rubbing her palms together in an attempt to warm them. A few cars whizzed past as she walked, the street lights flickering as night continued to steadily creep in. It was nearing midnight and her heart had finally stopped its treacherous, bone rattling and frenzied beats and settles down into something more reasonable. Jiyeon felt her phone buzz in her coat pocket and ignored it.

No one would be texting her this late at night — it’s ridiculous to think they’d bother doing something so stupid, but she couldn’t help but feel slightly hopeful regardless.

It buzzed again, and she reluctantly dipped her hand into the pocket to grab it, pressing the home button. The phone was blank, lacking notifications, and the girl huffed in irritation. It was glitching again.

Another car drove past. Jiyeon paid it no mind, instead tugging the sweatshirt even tighter around her thin form. It swamped her figure, which was more like that of a child’s than a nineteen year old’s.

She’d purposely worn a lot of layers — nights in Seoul were hell, especially with her low body weight. It was hard enough during the day, especially with winter already settling in and snow beginning to cover the ground. Not to mention, more clothes would drag her down faster. It gave her less of a chance to escape.

_Buzz._

Sparing a glance at the buildings towering in the distance, she blinked tiredly. Her legs ached from walking; she was going on nearly an hour now, according to the clock on her phone.

She was close, though.

It would all be worth it in the end.

_Buzz._

Jiyeon glanced over her shoulder, half expecting to see someone standing there watching her. She’d been reading too many horror strips lately—it’s not like she had much else to do these days. There’s only so much planning that one person can do before it becomes excessive, and classes had just ended.

She had far too much time on her hands to plan this.

_Buzz._

Growling under her breath Jiyeon jerked phone out, angrily swiping the lock screen and inputting the pass code. No calls, no messages, no voicemails — there was nothing there to make it vibrate. She was tempted to throw it into the street and break it for a brief moment.

“What’s wrong with you now?” she muttered under her breath, tapping open a folder and glancing at the icons. “I turned off notifications for spam awhile ago.”

Opening the mail app, Jiyeon waited impatiently for it to load—only to pause when she saw it.

An email. It hadn’t been sorted into spam, despite looking the part, and with a scoff she tapped on the email to skim over the contents.

“An app,” she noted. “A chatting app … hah, what?” A small giggle escaped her lips and she scrolled back to the top to check the sender. Definitely a spam email.

Her thumb hovered over the trash icon; clicking on the link would no doubt just install a ton of malware and viruses onto her phone. She wasn’t _gullible._ But she hesitated.

In less than an hour’s time, Jiyeon would be dead — just one of another hundreds of suicides in South Korea … just another statistic. The water would no doubt fry her phone, and even if it didn’t there’ll be no trouble on her if she destroyed it with viruses right before her death.

Slowly, she lowered her thumb and breathed out softly, watching it come to life in the cold air. There was still another fifteen minute walk before she’d reach the bridge and … well, if it wasn’t a trick, it’d be nice to have someone to talk to in her last moments. Lord knows she’d been lonely lately, with a majority of her close online friends living in America and her few friends in Korea busy with their own life.

Jiyeon clicked the link before she could back out and immediately it opened a tab in Safari. She crouched down, watching with mild interest as the page refreshed and then began to download. It was done within minutes, but she hesitated.

This … was a bad idea. It had to be trick; what if it was a tracker, and now someone could see where she was going? She was close to the bridge but if this person—the sender—were to track her phone and find her … she dreaded finding out what would happen. There was a big difference between killing yourself and being kidnapped and murdered. At least suicide was on her own terms and quick … ish.

She swallowed hard. _Too late to go back now_ , she supposed. _It’s already downloaded._

Her stomach was in knots as she clicked the app, the screen flashing white for a few seconds before bleeding away to a login screen. Screen name, phone number, profile picture, email … it … definitely looked like a chatting application.

She filled out the boxes as she walked, only hesitating when prompted for an icon. Her real face was out of the question; the thought of a stranger knowing what she looked like makes her sick to her stomach, and she quickly scrolled through one of the albums on her phone, selecting a relatively normal picture from Deemo.

The streets are all but deserted now, lacking cars due to the time, and despite her heavy feet Jiyeon felt a grim smile come to her face.

 _Maybe this won’t be so bad,_ she considered. _Talking to someone would be nice. It’d soothe my nerves a bit, at least._

Jiyeon couldn’t remember the last time she’d carried an actual conversation with a person for more than a minute … maybe a month ago? Two months ago?

Whenever the discord chat she’d been in with her friends had gone dead.

It takes a few seconds to load after putting in all the information, and it wasn’t long before her phone buzzed in her hand again as the app connected her to someone.

 _Unknown._  

> Unknown: … Hello …?
> 
> Jiyeon: ?
> 
> Unknown: Can you see this?
> 
> Jiyeon frowned.
> 
> Jiyeon: Yes, I can. Who are you?
> 
> Unknown: … Finally connected. Thank god.
> 
> Unknown: **It’s not everyday you get a text from a stranger.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Um …
> 
> Jiyeon: Didn’t you download the app to talk to people, though?
> 
> Unknown: Ah. Well … not exactly.
> 
> Unknown: I’m a bit flustered myself. I found a smartphone at the subway station, but all it had was this messenger app.
> 
> Unknown: I want to find the owner, but I don’t see any contact info or call records …
> 
> Unknown: I’ve been sending messages with this app but no reply …
> 
> Unknown: All I see is an address and some important-looking numbers saved in notes.
> 
> Jiyeon: Numbers? Like a phone number?
> 
> Unknown: Not exactly …
> 
> Unknown: I’d like to visit the address myself, but I’m currently abroad …
> 
> Jiyeon: First, who are you?
> 
> Unknown: **Me? Oh, sorry. I didn't even introduce myself.**
> 
> Unknown: I’m just...a student living abroad. I'm Korean.
> 
> Unknown: I could tell you my name, but it doesn’t really matter.
> 
> Unknown: You won't find me on search engines. ^^;
> 
> Unknown: But anyways …
> 
> Unknown: Can you help me find the owner of this phone?
> 
> Unknown: I know you’re surprised  to have someone suddenly pop up and ask you a favor like this.
> 
> Unknown: But still…
> 
> Unknown: **I’d appreciate it if you could help.**

 She chewed her bottom lip nervously. It definitely sounded like some kind of trap that would get her murdered — if they’re really abroad, then what good would visiting the apartment do? Obviously if the phone is abroad, so is the owner.

But she didn’t say any of that. Instead, since apparently the small, rational part of her brain that remains is on vacation, she found herself typing a response  

> Jiyeon: Why should I help you?
> 
> Unknown: Since you’re the only clue I have.
> 
> Unknown: I’ve been trying to find the owner with this phone, but I didn’t find any clues until now.
> 
> Unknown: I would really like to find the owner.
> 
> Unknown: Then God will be happy.

_Oh … are they some kind of religious extremist?_ Jiyeon was almost positive she saw an American movie about this before with her parents; it hadn't ended well. At all.   

> Unknown: Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mention it before. I’m religious.
> 
> Unknown: Never mind what I just said. I’m sorry if I weirded you out.
> 
> Unknown: **Can you please help me? I’ll make it up to you if I get to go back to Korea.**
> 
> Unknown: It’s a really safe place. If you feel unsafe, you can turn around.
> 
> Unknown: I know the area. It’s developed.
> 
> Unknown: Please?

She considered it for a moment. It wouldn't be hard to just close out of the app and continue what she was planning to do in the first place. But … if she was going to die, she might as well do something nice for someone else before hand, right?

Disregarding how completely and blatantly obvious this person was being of course. Maybe they were just really young and naive?   

> Jiyeon: Fine … I’m leaving right away if it feels sketchy, though.
> 
> Unknown: You trust me …
> 
> Unknown: Thank you!
> 
> Unknown: Just a sec. I’ll send you the address. 

Jiyeon copied the address, switching to the map app and inserting it in the box. She turned on her location temporarily, waiting somewhat impatiently for it. A few seconds later the trip was mapped out for her, and she blinked.

Jiyeon was expecting it to be far, _far_ away from her current location, and had been hoping to use that as an excuse for why she couldn't go — it was nearly midnight, after all. But instead, she’s startled to find that it's only a ten minute walk from the direction she came; more than likely, the girl passed it on her way here.

 _Damn,_ she thought to herself with a sigh. _I’m going to feel like a complete asshole if I don’t t least check now._

 _Fuck_. She sighed again, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. Reluctantly Jiyeon pulled the app back up, typing out a reply with frozen fingers.   

>  Jiyeon: It's a short walk from where I am right now, but I'll head over there. Sorry for the wait …
> 
> Unknown: No, I'm sorry for the trouble … thank you for doing this.

The walk back was agony and she’s beginning to wonder if she would’ve better off downing all the pills in her apartment instead. No doubt that, by now, she’d have been foaming at the mouth and going into cardiac arrest.

The walk brought her to a high rising, modern style building that’s obviously an apartment complex. Whoever owned the phone … well, they were definitely loaded. She wouldn't be surprised if they’ve already replaced their damn phone if it’s really as empty as this ‘Unknown’ claims it is.

Hell, there were even chandeliers and a _fountain_ in the entryway. She punched the button reading ‘14’ into the elevator and leaned back tiredly against the railing, eyes drooping in exhaustion.

The entire day so far had just been a wreck; sorting out her finances and belongings, figuring who they would go to after her body was found — cleaning her apartment out so that it wouldn’t look like a complete mess when entered … hell, even cleaning out her laptop. Jiyeon removed the password lock just in case.

On top of that, she also left a post queued on her blog for tomorrow afternoon, despite knowing that no one would notice it. Jiyeon was too chicken to call anyone in person, but then again … none of her family knew about the blog, either.

Then there was the whole American forum that she was on, to which she’d simply logged out a few days prior and left it unattended. If she never returned, people would assume she’d died—and she was fine with that, because that was her intention.

The elevator dingged and a moment later the doors slid open. Jiyeon stepped out out, glancing down the halls and sparing a look at the door closest to the elevator. She passed a total of eight doors before reaching the one she needed, located at the very end of the hall near the stairs.

And there, smack dab on the handle, is a massive password lock.

Of course, her own apartment had a similar lock, as was common in Korea, but it wasn’t nearly as big as this one. Then again, she didn’t live in a fifteen story apartment building.  

>  Jiyeon: Um … I’m here. There's a lock on the door, though …
> 
> Unknown: I’ll send you the digits on the notepad … try it.

Jiyeon paused, squinting down at the four numbers on her phone screen. 

> Jiyeon: … Shouldn't I ring the doorbell first? Or knock? I don’t know about where you are, but in Korea it is past midnight.
> 
> Unknown: You’re right … sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. But this phone seems really important … you should try ringing the doorbell anyway.

There's no answer, obviously, but weirdly enough there’s absolutely no sound from inside the apartment either.  

>  Jiyeon: I don't think anyone is home … I want to go back now ;; I'm sorry …
> 
> Unknown: What? No.
> 
> Unknown: Soon, you'll see the hottie.
> 
> Unknown: Whoops ...typo.
> 
> Unknown: Put in the password.

OK … now she was definitely beginning to feel sick to her stomach. Jiyeon’s hands trembled as she stood there, frozen by fear and nerves. _It’s just a messaging app,_ she tried to remind herself, _you’re going to be fine. Nothing will happen. No one is home … if this person is camped out, waiting to murder you, there would’ve been some amount of noise … right?_

 _Right?_   

> Jiyeon: I really have things to do. I need to get home … can I please just do this tomorrow?

Or never, preferably. The second she got out of there she was finishing what she planned to do.  

> Unknown: You can just leave a note. You're already there, why bother coming back tomorrow? It's a waste of time.
> 
> Jiyeon: Well …
> 
> Jiyeon: … Alright … fine.
> 
> Unknown: Good girl ^^

The door creaked open without hesitation when she inputted the code, tugging the handle down, and immediately she took a few steps back. Jiyeon half expect for a pair of arms to grab at her from the darkness, but when nothing leapt out she swallowed and looked back at the app.  

> Jiyeon: The door’s open.
> 
> Unknown: Good. Why don't you go inside?
> 
> Jiyeon: Can I just enter a stranger's house? What if they attack me?
> 
> Unknown: If something happens, you can just show them my messages. That'll do.
> 
> Jiyeon: I suppose …
> 
> Unknown: Th
> 
> Unknown: ank
> 
> Unknown: you …
> 
> **Unknown has left the chat room.**

Jiyeon flicked the light on carefully, nudging the door shut with her foot as she move further into the apartment. It’s surprising spacious, especially compared to the tiny one she called a home, with a few different doors spaced evenly across the hallway. None of them are open, so she headed past them and into the living room in hopes of finding something to write with. Every other second or so she’d glance over her shoulder, half expecting to see someone lunging at with a knife in hand, but thankfully found nothing of the sort.

As she entered the kitchen she was surprised by a rapid buzzing from her phone, followed by an awful screech from the speakers. Jiyeon all but threw it from her hands, the phone skittering across the island as she backed up against the fridge, eyes wide in fear. The noise died away a moment later but Jiyeon was frozen in place, too startled to approach the electronic.

 _Paper, paper,_ she repeated to herself, sliding out of the kitchen. She grabbed the phone reluctantly as she passed the island, heading into the living room while sparing a glance down at the screen.

Palms sweating, Jiyeon scanned the message, her heart pounding a mile a minute. The messages rapidly flew across the screen and her eyes widened in surprise. What was this, a twitch chat?

 _They type way too fast to keep up,_ she thought with a sigh. More texts continue to flood the screen by the second and she collapsed onto the couch, skimming the most recent ones, before hesitantly typing out a message.  

> Jiyeon: Um...hello…?

Oh god, more text walls. She shivered, feeling no warmer in the apartment than she did outside, and reluctantly resumed the search for paper and a pen. Jiyeon read the messages as she searched, and after awhile she gave up and leaned back against the island.  

> 707: **Oh…^^; Wait.**
> 
> 707: Just found something. This is weird.
> 
> Zen: What is it. Hurry and tell me.
> 
> 707: I traced the IP …

The phone was out of her hand before she could finish reading the next message, panic gripping her throat and making it hard to breathe because oh _god they were tracking her._ They knew where she was; they knew exactly where she was and could come and find her.

By the time she mustered up the courage to pick up her phone again, ‘707’ was talking about hacking and it took all her self control to not drop the phone again. Instead, she breathed in shakily, hands trembling in fear.

Damage control. Damage control -- she had to appease them before they did something to her. With how badly her hands were shaking Jiyeon began to wish she hadn’t disabled auto correct, because it’s taking longer for her to fix her typos than to actually type out the message. 

> Jiyeon: I’m sorry
> 
> Jiyeon: Someone gave me directions here … I don’t know why. What is this place? I can just leave … I’m not planning on staying. I have things to do.
> 
> 707: lol
> 
> 707: What sort of things are you doing at midnight?
> 
> 707: Sounds suspicious~~
> 
> Yoosung: Should we...introduce ourselves?
> 
> Jumin Han: Are you serious…?
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I think it is a bit too early for that.

Jiyeon was inclined to agree, but Zen apparently was not.    

> Zen: Hi. I'm Zen. (24 yrs old) Musical actor...don't look me up on the Internet.
> 
> Zen: It's embarrassing.

He sends a selfie, and she blinked a few times in surprise. He really has some guts, sending a picture of himself to a random stranger … not that she’s surprised. If she looked like that, she’d take selfies, too.    

> Jiyeon: Oh … nice to meet you. I’m Jiyeon, I just turned 19 … I don't have a job, since I go to school full time.
> 
> 707: lolol ur a baby
> 
> 707: My nickname’s 707.
> 
> 707: Real name is a secret.
> 
> 707: FYI, Zen’s real name is Hyun Ryu.
> 
> Zen: Your name’s a secret but not mine?;;
> 
> 707: U don't care anyways lol.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: 707 does have the strangest name so I understand the secrecy.
> 
> 707: The name’s too holy to be spread around~ I’m gonna pray after I finish hacking.
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: Pray, yeah right ;;
> 
> 707: Just remember me as the 22yr old young hacker lol
> 
> 707: Where I live is also a secret.
> 
> Zen: So many secrets ;;
> 
> Yoosung: I'm Yoosung Kim! I'm a college student as well … 21 yrs old.
> 
> Jumin Han: I don't know why everybody’s introducing themselves. You don't even know who that person is.

Cue a picture of Yoosung -- wow, he's young. Older than Jiyeon, but still… and her mom had the nerve to say _she_ has a baby face. Is he really 21 years old?     

> 707: So warm and fuzzy here
> 
> Zen: Lol. Seven, you don't have any selfies to show?
> 
> 707: Nothing recent.
> 
> 707: Oh and also!
> 
> 707: Jumin’s the heir of a pretty famous corporation and Jaehee is his assistant. 27 and 26 yrs old respectively.
> 
> 707: You have a better sense of who we are now, Jiyeon?
> 
> Jumin Han: Why did you say that…?
> 
> 707: Doubted you'd do it urself.
> 
> Jiyeon: … so I'm the youngest?
> 
> 707: Apparently so
> 
> 707: Oh, fyi. Jumin has the cutest cat.
> 
> Jumin Han: Hey.
> 
> Jumin Han: Why are we talking about Elizabeth the 3rd to a stranger?
> 
> Jiyeon: oh!
> 
> Jiyeon: My parents have a cat too,
> 
> Jiyeon: his name is Leo. 

She couldn’t help but smile when 707 sent a picture of — she assumed — Jumin petting a cat. That’s Elizabeth? She looks like a persian … just like her cat, though Leo is grey rather than white.    

> Yoosung: That info is a bit useless ...
> 
> Yoosung: we're not even close to this Jiyeon person yet lol
> 
> Jumin Han: Can't believe he showed a photo of Elizabeth the 3rd to a stranger…
> 
> Jumin Han: Idiot.
> 
> Jumin Han: I know you came to my house the other day and harassed her. It's all on CCTV.

_That’s Seven, huh?_   He definitely … looked interesting. Jiyeon couldn’t help but feel a bit sorry for Elizabeth, but it didn’t look like she was being harmed, so …  

> 707: My precious privacy!
> 
> Zen: Yeah, since you care so much about privacy.
> 
> Yoosung: CCTV screenshots omg
> 
> Jumin Han: And Yoosung.
> 
> Jumin Han: Is my Elizabeth the 3rd useless?
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> 707: That was so fun~~
> 
> 707: I want to see the cat again~
> 
> Jumin Han: No.
> 
> Zen: Stop talking about cats. Giving me goosebumps. 

Against her better judgement, she opened up one of the doors in the hallway, flicking the light on with only a slight amount of hesitation.

 _Ah —  found the bedroom_ . Jiyeon moved over to the desk, poking at the red and black desk chair. Damn, this person was _definitely_ loaded. According to the people in the chat, this apartment belongs to someone named Rika?

No obvious notebooks or papers lying around, but she did find a pen.    

> 707: Helloo??
> 
> 707: Stranger Jiyeon??
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh, sorry
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m looking for a piece of paper.
> 
> 707: Gasp!
> 
> 707: Breaking and entering _and_ theft!? 

Shit. Fuck.   

> Jiyeon: No — I’m sorry! That’s not what I meant … I was connected to a stranger through this app, and he sent me this address. I was going to leave a note with his contact details, but … he disconnected.
> 
> Jiyeon: His screen name was ‘Unknown’. Do you know him by chance?
> 
> Jumin Han: Unknown?
> 
> Zen: Maybe he just didn’t set a username?
> 
> 707: It’s mandatory to set a username, so he must have set it that way.
> 
> 707: Maybe …
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: **A hacker …?!**
> 
> Yoosung: !!!
> 
> 707: A hacker! No way.
> 
> 707: I have everything covered!
> 
> 707: Hey, Jiyeon. So he told you the password for the door lock?
> 
> Jiyeon: Yes. I still remember it if you’d like me to prove that …
> 
> 707: Nope!
> 
> Jumin Han: That ‘Unknown’ person could have dragged you into this, then.
> 
> Yoosung: But …
> 
> Yoosung: How did you end up chatting with that person?

She hesitated.  

> Jiyeon: He was just the first person I was connected to.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I see.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Where did you download this messenger app?
> 
> Jiyeon: it was attached to an email I got. I wanted someone to talk to.
> 
> Zen: So cute lol
> 
> 707: Dangerous~ Spam emails will give you viruses.
> 
> 707: Anyways.
> 
> 707: I should trace the person who distributed the app. I’ll take a look at the email.
> 
> Jiyeon: … Do you want me to forward it to you?
> 
> 707: won’t be necessary
> 
> 707: I have my ways lol
> 
> Jumin Han: If what she’s saying is true.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I think it would be a good idea to contact V.
> 
> 707: Yeah. I think that’s a good idea.
> 
> 707: I’ll call and explain everything.
> 
> Jumin Han: I can call.
> 
> 707: Already on it lol 

Still no paper to be found. Jiyeon cursed under her breath.    

> Jiyeon: Does that really matter?
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m planning on leaving when I find some paper to write on. I have things to do tonight.
> 
> Jumin Han: **No.**
> 
> Yoosung: Maybe we should tell Jiyeon what this chatroom is for?
> 
> Yoosung: She has to know how serious it is that she’s here!
> 
> Jumin Han: What’s more serious is that she’s in Rika’s apartment. 

Feeling defeated, Jiyeon slumped down on the couch and resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands. All she wanted to do was talk to someone before she died; hell, she was just planning to do _one last good deed_ before dying, and instead _this_ happens.

Was it some kind of punishment from God? She couldn’t think of anything serious enough to warrant this kind of retribution, but her memory was never the best.   

> 707: Wecan.
> 
> 707: Sorry callingvandtypingwithonehand
> 
> Yoosung: Type after you finish the call.
> 
> 707: Lookedintoownerofdevice.
> 
> 707: she’scutelol 

Her blood ran cold. Immediately she slammed her thumb over the front camera, a cold sweat breaking out across her face.    

> Jiyeon: Wheredid you get that info!?
> 
> Zen: He’s a hacker. He probably saw your fb page already.
> 
> 707: notthereyet
> 
> 707: iwillifineedtholol
> 
> Jumin Han: What? It’s really a girl?
> 
> 707: Ya.
> 
> **V has entered the chatroom.**
> 
> Zen: Show me a photo.
> 
> Jiyeon: **No.**
> 
> Jiyeon: **Don’t send any photos of me.**
> 
> 707: Wasn’t planning on it~
> 
> 707: How dare you try to violate someone’s privacy like that. 

It took a good two seconds to load the image being sent, but tears are already forming in her eyes. Jiyeon hadn’t uploaded a picture of her face in a long time—the only place she posted pictures was her private instagram and the American forum, but it was never her face that she showed. And neither of those were connected to her personal accounts.

Then again, if Seven is really a hacker she wouldn’t put it past him to somehow find those as well.

… That was even worse than the thought of him hacking her camera and spying on her.

Thankfully, the person in the picture … definitely wasn’t Jiyeon. It calms her nerves, slightly, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit bad for Jaehee.

She was perfectly content with reading their messages and relaxing, to be honest; it’s not like they need her input. They were mostly talking amongst themselves.

Her phone dinged, and she swiped down to check the time — _holy shit, it was already twelve thirty_. Jiyeon felt slightly bad, cutting their conversation off so abruptly, but really … it was getting ridiculous.   

> Jiyeon: Listen
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m really sorry for coming into the apartment, but I can’t stay.
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m supposed to be home soon. My parents are expecting me.

That would definitely work, right?   

> 707: lol
> 
> 707: u don’t live with ur parents though.
> 
> Jiyeon: … How do you know?
> 
> 707: I’m a hacker~
> 
> Jiyeon: **I’m visiting for break. I need to catch a plane in the morning.**
> 
> 707: lolol ur desperate
> 
> 707: but u haven’t bought any plane ticket to America
> 
> Jiyeon: my parents bought it.
> 
> Jiyeon: listen, I just wanted to find the owner of this phone …
> 
> 707: Owner of the phone?
> 
> 707: You were phished lol
> 
> 707: According to V’s guess, Rika … the person who used to live there
> 
> 707: had the person ‘Unknown’ convince u to go to the apartment.
> 
> Jiyeon: **That doesn’t make sense.**
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Either way, this chatroom is strictly prohibited to strangers.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: If I may say so, I think that we must verify what Jiyeon has said.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: For all we know, Jiyeon could have simply made up that ‘Unknown’ person.
> 
> 707: I feel like Jaehee’s glasses are glinting right now.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: ?
> 
> Jiyeon: oh
> 
> Jiyeon: like in mystery movies?
> 
> 707: lolol 

Frustration was beginning to creep forward and Jiyeon rubbed her temples tiredly. 707 saw straight through her lie—and he’d called her out on it in front of the entire group. Still, she had to get out of this somehow. She wasn’t going to just … stay here for however long and let herself find a reason to chicken out of her death.

She’d been planning this day for months. A carefully picked date, time, and location. She’d even wrapped up all her personal business and gotten it all sorted out.

Jiyeon considered simply deleting the app; it was too troublesome and she was thirty minutes past her date-with-death. But, at the same time, despite the irritation and fear that had taken hold of her, this was the most interaction she’d had in _weeks._ She’d forgotten how nice it was to just see people interacting around her, even if it didn’t come how she wanted it too.

… A little longer wouldn’t hurt, right?   

> 707: Now then~
> 
> 707: Shouldn’t we … explain to Jiyeon about Rika and RFA?
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh … you don’t have to. It doesn’t really matter anyways.
> 
> Zen: How chic …
> 
> Zen: Cute is nice, but chic women have their own charms.
> 
> Jiyeon: chic?
> 
> Jumin Han: He’s gone insane. Ignore him.
> 
> 707: Lol excited because she’s a girl?
> 
> Zen: Yup.
> 
> Jumin Han: Excited because of a stranger?
> 
> Jumin Han: Your heart is insane.
> 
> 707: Lololololol lmfao at what Jumin said.
> 
> 707: Insane heart lolololol
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Zen, isn’t it quite inappropriate to fall for someone you have never met?
> 
> Zen: Uhm. yes.
> 
> Zen: I can’t control myself.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: omg
> 
> Jumin Han: -_-
> 
> Yoosung: Jiyeon, you may not be interested right now, but won’t you listen to what we have to say?
> 
> Yoosung: You are involved now that you’re here.
> 
> Yoosung: Regardless of whether you like it or not.
> 
> Jiyeon: So I really can’t just leave …?
> 
> 707: I’ll just track ur IP if u do~
> 
> 707: If u don’t cooperate, we can all team up to put u in trouble. 

She snorted. Like it’d make any difference; if she just turned off her phone and walked back to the bridge, he won’t be able to find her.

… Right?   

> 707: First, we all know that u trespassed on the apartment^^
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: Is that a threat?
> 
> 707: Yup. I will threaten anyone in here who doesn’t follow V’s decision.
> 
> 707: I am V’s slave.
> 
> V: … Uhm. Thank you?
> 
> Jiyeon: I could just turn my phone off …
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I am ready to call the police if necessary.
> 
> 707: Nah~~ if u turn off ur phone, I’ll just track u when it comes back on.
> 
> Jiyeon: It won’t. 

Jiyeon winced as soon as she sent that. Too much information; these are strangers, and a vague comment like that could easily be taken as a threat.

But it was too late now.   

> 707: u can’t keep ur phone off forever.
> 
> 707: and I know ur name
> 
> 707: age
> 
> 707: address
> 
> 707: dob
> 
> Zen: **I think she gets it.**

Tears were beginning to blur her vision and her throat was tightening up. This wasn’t _fair._ Why were they trapping her like this? She hadn’t meant to trespass; she’d been tricked. Tricked by that Unknown.

Why did this have to happen to her?   

> 707: so, will u cooperate?
> 
> Jiyeon: … I have no other choice, right?
> 
> 707: ya
> 
> Jiyeon: so, I’ll listen.

Not cooperate, but listen. She’d hear them out and wait until it was safe to escape … and then she’d run. She’d run all the way to the bridge, swing her legs over the edge, and plummet into the Han river. If she did it this late at night, no one would find her body until morning, at the very least.

If the hacker knew her name, he’d know. But the rest of the group would be ignorant and she was just _fine_ with it.

The rest of the conversation she spent in silence, only bothering to type one or two words when prompted; apparently Rika, the owner of the apartment, passed away almost two years ago. From what, she wasn’t exactly sure, but she didn’t dare ask.

But when the conversation took a turn for _her_ replacing Rika, Jiyeon put her foot down.   

> Jiyeon: V.
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t think Rika chose me at all.
> 
> Jiyeon: It was just a coincidence … I really can’t be planning parties; heck, I was supposed to be somewhere awhile ago.
> 
> Zen: Isn’t it dangerous for a girl to be out this late?
> 
> Jiyeon: It doesn’t matter.
> 
> Jiyeon: I never agreed to host any parties … I can’t do it.
> 
> V: Please consider it.
> 
> V: These parties are held for good causes; hosting them helps a lot of people.

Jiyeon winced. It probably wasn’t intentional, but V’s words made her feel guilty. That was why she came in the first place, despite her plans to die; so she could help someone out with her pathetic excuse of a life.

But she couldn’t. _Wouldn’t._    

> Jiyeon: I don’t have any of my things, though … and I have a plane to catch.
> 
> 707: Are u still trying to convince us of that?
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m not convincing anyone; it’s the truth.
> 
> 707: u can go back to ur apartment tomorrow and get ur stuff
> 
> Jiyeon: Besides, aren’t you afraid I’ll run if I head back to my apartment?
> 
> 707: I’m a hacker~~ I’ll find u if u do.

She bit her lip. If she turned off her phone, she’d be fine. She had to leave soon, before they backed her into a corner.   

> V: I’m sorry …
> 
> V: But I have to leave.
> 
> 707: Okay. See u later, V.
> 
> V: Jumin.
> 
> Jumin Han: ?
> 
> V: Please take care of things for me.
> 
> Jumin Han: … Alright.
> 
> **V has left the chatroom.**
> 
> 707: … V’s gone.
> 
> Zen: Yup. What’s he so busy with?
> 
> Jumin Han: None of your business.
> 
> 707: Anyways, let’s do what V said. Jiyeon, u can log into this chatroom from time to time, right?
> 
> 707: Please log in at times and do what Rika did.
> 
> 707: All u have to do is use the features in this app.
> 
> Jiyeon: … Can I do that from my apartment?
> 
> 707: **No.**
> 
> 707: Most of it is just checking emails
> 
> 707: all party related emails in Rika’s computer
> 
> 707: will be transferred to this app only if ur in her apartment.
> 
> 707: If u leave the apartment, they won’t work.
> 
> Zen: Don’t forget to come chat with us regularly as well.
> 
> Jumin Han: Why doesn’t everyone stop talking and Assistant Kang summarize everything for her.
> 
> Jumin Han: And invite her to the organization.
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh …
> 
> Jiyeon: That’s alright. I understand it all.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I will explain, regardless.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: RFA is an organization Rika created so that anyone can freely make donations regardless of class or nationality.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: At the time, she hosted quite large parties once every two years, and they were very successful.

Her stomach felt heavy.

Once every two _years_ ? Was she going to be trapped here for two _years?_ Hell, she had to start back up at University in March—Jiyeon couldn’t afford that. She wasn’t even supposed to make it this far.   

> Jiyeon: **I can’t do that.**
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m sorry. Two years is too long for me to stay around; I have things to do, and I have a time limit.
> 
> 707: lol
> 
> 707: Don’t worry
> 
> 707: It won’t take two years.
> 
> 707: We check that everyone’s alive with this chatroom and literally just chat.
> 
> Yoosung: We shared our memories of Rika, too.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: … Jiyeon, I think you were led to that place without any explanation.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: If V is right, it seems that someone sent you there to fill Rika’s position.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Considering that you knowing about the existence of that place as satisfies the conditions for joining the organization, following V’s orders …
> 
> Jumin Han: Fyi, currently there are six members. Me, V, Zen, 707, Yoosung, and Assistant Kang. Everyone in the chatroom.
> 
> Zen: If Jiyeon joins, it will be seven.
> 
> Yoosung: Is she … really becoming a new member?
> 
> Zen: If you join the organization, we’ll be able to talk more. Not everyday we meet a pretty girl.
> 
> 707: Uhm. How do you know she’s pretty? I didn’t even send the photo.
> 
> Zen: Send the photo.
> 
> 707: No.
> 
> Zen: Damn.
> 
> Jumin Han: We didn’t hear from Jiyeon yet.
> 
> Jumin Han: Jiyeon.
> 
> Jumin Han: All we are trying to do is host parties, raise funds, gather people … and things like that.
> 
> Jumin Han: Our organization has done a lot of good so far.
> 
> Jumin Han: You will not regret joining. 

Except, she would. Because everyday she spent living was a regret; Jiyeon lived with regret, carried it on her shoulders, had it weighing her down every second of the day.

She regretted even downloading the app. Her own selfishness had caused this; she was in this situation because _she wanted company._ But there was a reason she didn’t have close friends anymore, that her ‘friends’ didn’t talk to her, that her parents let her go so far away for college.

Because she didn’t deserve those nice things.

So it was with that thought in mind that Jiyeon shut off her phone, shoving to her feet and pacing around the room, hands grasping her hair in fear. Her phone lay forgotten on the couch, and it felt like the spacious living room was closing in around her.

She’d made a mistake, turning her phone off. She’d left before they could extend the invitation, but Jumin’s earlier threat rung in her head.

He was probably already calling the police on her now.

_I have to get out._

Jiyeon slammed out of the apartment door with her phone shoved deep into her coat pocket beneath the sweater, zipped up so it wouldn’t fall out. She slammed a finger onto the elevator button, foot tapping anxiously as she waited for it to arrive.

She could barely see through the tears and when the door slid open she all but ran in, smashing the close button rapidly.

_Hurry up. Hurry up._

Anxiety was creeping forward, clasping around her throat and choking her, and as she struggled to breath tears continued to burn her eyes.

Her phone felt heavy in her pocket.

When she reached the first floor she burst out of the apartment, taking off in a run the way she came. Back to the bridge. She had to hurry.

She had to jump before they found her.

Her lungs burned, her legs trembled, and the tears made her shaky, but Jiyeon didn’t stop running. The few people on the streets who were still out stared at her oddly, and she didn’t blame them.

She looked like a high schooler. Out after midnight, crying, and running.

God, she was going to get the cops called on her by someone else entirely if she didn’t just _hurry up._

The door of the convenience store slid open and Jiyeon wasn’t able to stop herself from barrelling into the man. He yelped and she fell back, thrown off balance. Her elbows cracked into the sidewalk hard and a her spine ground against the hard cement, sending a fresh wave of pain through her back. Tears flowed more freely.

“Oh, crap!” The person sounded startled. “Oh god, are you OK!? I’m so sorry—I didn’t see you!”

Jiyeon shoved to her feet shakily, blinking rapidly in hopes of clearing her eyes. When it didn’t work she rubbed her fist against them, not daring to look at the person she’d ran into.

“I-It’s fine,” she croaked. “It’s fine. Sorry. I’m—I’m in a hurry.”

She tried to step around the tall figure only to be halted when his hand grasped her arm gently. She ripped it away like she’d been burned and he apologized.

He glanced down at her and Jiyeon quickly looked away, pulling her hood up. He offered another apology. “Where are you going? I can call you a cab; it’s pretty late for a kid to be out.”

“I-I’m nineteen,” she managed, through clenched teeth. She was losing time. Was that sirens she heard, or was she being overly paranoid? “And I’m fine. Please, let me go.”

She was desperate. The bridge was another twenty five minute walk, but she could probably make it in fifteen if she ran the entire time.

Fifteen minutes.

Cops.

Another sob ripped from her throat and she trembled, hands coming up to cover her face. The man was panicking now, unsure what to do. "A-Are you sure?" He asked.

"I’m—” she almost blurted it out. _I’m in trouble._ But that was too vague and she didn’t want to get in more trouble for it. If she dragged more people into this hell she’d made for herself, then she’d only feel more guilty when she jumped into the Han River.

“Ah … crap, what do I do?” he muttered. “I—are you hurt? I’m Zen—” her blood ran cold at that. Why was he _here?_ “—you don’t need to be scared, or anything … I won’t hurt you.”

Had that 707 guy sent her picture into the chatroom after she turned her phone off? No … he hadn’t called her out yet, so probably not. If he knew what she looked like, he’d be forcing her to stay. Then again, the last selfie she’d taken was ten kilograms ago. Her face had thinned considerably.

Her mother had been horrified the last time she’d come to visit, and Jiyeon had weighed three kilograms more back then.

“ … My parents are expecting me.” Is all she said, her voice more stable than it shouldn’t been. “It’s across the …” did she dare say it? What if he read right through her? “It’s across the Mapo Bridge. I need to hurry.”

“The Mapo Bridge?” He repeated. “You mean the suicide bridge!?”

Wincing, she nodded. “It’s almost one already, and they’re probably worried sick. And … my … my phone is dead,” she lied. “I need to hurry.”

He glanced down at his own phone. “Uh … do you want to use mine, then? I was just on my way home, but if you need to call them I can wait. I’d hate to leave a pretty girl out here by herself … especially crying.”

_Head down. Don’t look. He probably knows what you look like._

“It’s fine,” she attempted. “Please, please just let me go. I want to get home soon.”

Zen seemed unsure, but eventually agreed. “Well, alright … are you sure you’re alright, though? You look awfully shaken.”

She cracked a small smile, but he couldn’t see it. “I’m fine. Some guy was just … threatening me over a messenger before my phone died.”

“Over a messenger …?” he questioned. “Uh … is it safe for you to be walking home, then?”

Probably not. But she wasn’t walking home, and none of them knew that.

“I’ll be alright.”

Zen was silent for awhile, and Jiyeon took that as her cue to leave. “Sorry … for bumping into you.”

“Ah, it was my fault,” he argued, “uh … get home safely. If you need any help, just … call the police?”

Jiyeon nodded, because arguing would get her nowhere. “I will. … Bye.”

She took off in a run again turning the corner ahead and sprinting forward. She could hear sirens; she swore she could hear them.

If she didn’t do this now, they’d arrest her. Her parents would be ashamed—they’d have to fly out from America, from their vacation, in order to bail her out, all because he was gullible and naive and trying to _help._

After nearly five minutes her side was splitting and her vision was wavering. She hadn’t eaten in over a day; fully expecting to be dead, Jiyeon hadn’t wanted anyone to look at her disgusting body, filled with food she didn’t deserve, and …

She stumbled against the building, tears pulling at her eyes. Her chest heaved for air, struggling to breathe, and when she tried to take another step her vision blurred and she nearly fell forward.

She slipped into the alleyway, crouching low and struggling to catch her breath. Her chest ached, heart pounding relentlessly. Her bones ached. She was so _tired._

“Hey!” She heard him and trembled. She slammed her hands over her mouth, trying to stifle her frantic breathing. “Are you here?”

Her shoulders shook. No, no—did he know? Did he recognize her?

Why did it take him so long to follow?

“Shit …” she heard Zen curse. “Was that really her? Seven, are you sure this is where she went? She looked so different from the picture you sent.”

Where were the cops? Why was _he_ searching for her? Jiyeon guessed he was on the phone with that '707' guy.

He walked forward, growing closer, and she pressed herself up against the wall and hoped the shadows hid her. She was thin enough to not be seen, right?

She’d worn dark clothes, which should blend in with the shadows, and she was trying to be quiet.

“I’ll go back and search somewhere else l guess …”

His footsteps retreated and Jiyeon waited a good minute before daring to climb out of the alleyway, checking to make sure the man wasn’t in the vicinity before reluctantly picking her pace back up.

She didn’t want to run; hell, she doubted her body could take it. But she was so _close and he was going to find her if she didn’t hurry._

Eventually, after another torturous thirteen minutes of off-and-on running she reached the bridge. She coughed harshly, grasping the railing tightly between one hand. They stretched up above her; the tall railings had been implemented to stop people from jumping.

But she wouldn’t let that deter her.

She hauled herself up onto it, struggling to get up; she cursed her short stature and the railings that the government had implemented in attempt to stop people from jumping. Once she finally made it she let herself rest there for a moment.

The water was so dark.

 _You don’t have to do this,_ a traitorous part of her whispered. _Turn your phone back on and say it died. You don’t have to die._

But she did. Because that's what she deserved.

Her arms burned, itched from the healing wounds there. Her legs felt similarly.

She’d ruined herself beyond belief, this time. If she didn’t jump, didn’t _die then that 707 and Jumin guy would find her and arrest her._

_I’d rather die._

But her fear stopped her. It crushed her, paralyzing her from her spot on top of the railing. Her mother, father … would they mourn her? She hoped so, but didn’t cling to that hope. She was a failure of a daughter—she didn’t deserve kind parents like them.

They deserved so much better than her. They’d probably be happy she was gone—happy that their horrible, disgusting daughter was no longer a burden on them. She didn’t deserve the kindness they bestowed upon her.

Jiyeon coughed again, vision wobbling. It was so cold. The water was probably just above freezing temperature.

_Just jump._

She wobbled, nearly losing her balance, and her hands gripped onto the railing even tighter, heart pounding. She had to do it, she had to she had no choice, no choice but—

She was so _scared._

Jiyeon sat there for nearly ten minutes, staring down at the water and trying to urge herself to jump. The water was dark and she knew it’d be freezing cold. She’d die painfully, from hypothermia or drowning. The thought hadn’t seemed so daunting until now. When she planned this, when she used it as her reason to get through the semester, it hadn’t seemed so scary.

It had felt like an inevitable thing. It had been _comforting._

But now it was anything but.

Somehow Jiyeon found herself swinging her legs over the edge and dropping back onto the concrete, feeling oddly detached and numb about the whole process. Her legs trembled and her entire body felt cold, as if she’d actually dropped into the water.

Then she sat down, with her back against the railing, and pulled her knees to her chest.

_I can’t do it._

Tears pulled at her eyes and she swallowed thickly. _I’m too afraid. I can’t do it._

Her hands reached under her sweatshirt, for the jacket, and she unzipped the pocket and removed her phone. She felt like throwing up.

If she turned her phone on and claimed the battery died, then it’d be OK … right? She could lie. She’d lie. She had to lie.

Jiyeon held the power button down and let her eyes slip shut. She felt her phone vibrate in her hand as it turned on, and after a few seconds her lock screen appeared.

She typed in the password. A moment passed, and then suddenly her phone was blowing up. She made sure to turn off her location, bluetooth, and wifi, just in case (because that was likely how 707 tracked her IP address in the first place), before checking the notifications

The application had missed calls, messages, and and even a few texts.

Shakily she went into the app and hovered over the phone icon. She pressed down the dial button for ‘707’ and swallowed thickly, before pulling her phone up to her ear.

It barely dialed once before it was answered. “ _Hey—you! Did you try and run away!?”_

“No,” she mumbled. “I’m sorry. My phone died. I had to go get a charger.”

Was that really her voice? It sounded … wrong. She felt wrong. Jiyeon … was she really Jiyeon? Who was she?

 _“A charger?”_ He asked incredulously. _“I’m sure there was one at the apartment.”_

Jiyeon shrugged. “I didn’t check … I was just going to go down the street to the convenience store and buy one, anyways.”

Seven sighed sharply. _“Really.”_

At least fifteen seconds of silence stretched out between the two of them, and Jiyeon was about to open her mouth and say something when Seven spoke.

 _“ … You’re not at Rika’s apartment anymore,”_ he said evenly. _“You’re on the Mapo Bridge.”_

Jiyeon felt a jolt of terror. How did he track her!? Her location was turned off and—

_You can track people through phone calls, idiot._

“ … I told you. I had something to do.” What was she even saying? Her voice was so … hollow. “Did you … call the police on me?”

Seven took a long moment to respond. _“No. V told us to trust you, so Jumin and Jaehee backed down from the idea after I reminded them of his decision.”_

Jiyeon laughed a little bit, but it was … wrong. It sounded wrong, fake, and …

“I’d head back to the apartment, but … I don’t think I can.” She giggled again, tears burning her eyes. “I don’t think my legs are working.”

“Then again, do you really want me to go back?” Her voice was desperate, now. “It was an accident. I-I made a mistake. I’m sorry. I’m _sorry._ Please don’t make me …” her voice faded away, cracking pathetically, and suddenly Jiyeon felt all the emotions she’d been missing flood her body again. Tears clogged her voice. “I—I—”

 _“You remember what V told you, right? The messenger is a secret, as is the apartment. It’s filled with classified documents that no one is supposed to have access to or even know about.”_ Seven didn’t seem affected by her sudden weakness, and Jiyeon wasn’t sure if she was glad or upset about that. _“You never gave us an answer on joining, but it’d be in your best interest to do so.”_

Jiyeon pulled her legs closer. “Or you’ll call the police, right?”

 _“… Right.”_ He sounded unsure, though. _“That ‘Unknown’ guy that talked to you and the one who sent you the email; I have to investigate it.”_

“So why do I have to be there?” She asked weakly. “I’m … I-I’m not going to be of help. I can’t … do anything. I’m done.”

Seven sighed. _“You don’t get it, do you?”_ He seemed a bit frustrated. _“This ‘Unknown’ sent you there for a reason. If he finds out you’re not there, what do you think will happen?”_

Jiyeon winced. Panic had settled comfortably on her chest and she struggled to breathe properly. “I … I don’t know.”

She was pathetic.

_“Listen … if you can’t get back to the apartment, then I’ll call you a cab. But it’s not safe for you to go home until this whole ‘Unknown’ thing is sorted out.”_

She shivered, staring out at the dark sky above her. A single car drove across the bridge. “Why do you care? You don’t even know me.”

 _“You got dragged into this by a hacker. It wouldn’t be fair to endanger you over it.”_ She heard a chair creaking in the background. _“Zen said he saw you.”_

Jiyeon nodded, only to realize a moment later that he couldn’t see her. So she mumbled, “Yes. I … ran into him.”

_“He seemed pretty freaked out, especially after he realized who you were.”_

A laugh bubbled in her throat, despite her anxiety, and she felt a small grin crawl to her face. It felt out of place and _wrong_ but she couldn’t stop it. “Why? Didn’t you send a picture of me as soon as I disappeared?”

Seven sighed. _“Like I said; first, I had to remind Jumin and Jaehee not to call the police. Not that they could, since neither of them knows the address to the apartment. But the picture didn’t seem to matter, anyways; Zen said he barely recognized you.”_ Seven paused, before finishing with, _“Said you looked so skeletal that it took awhile to realize.”_

Jiyeon drew her legs closer to her chest, resting her forehead on the bones. So he knew what she looked like … he saw her disgusting body, the sharp angles and corners that she knew disgusted those around her.

People looked at her and _saw_ that she was broken. Saw she’d ruined herself.

Would Zen be too disgusted to ever talk to her again?

 _I shouldn’t care,_ she tried to rationalize with herself, _he’s just a stranger. I shouldn’t care._

But the messenger … had been nice. It’d been nice to know other people were around, talking, and living their own life. It gave her an escape from the hell she’d created.

“I guess you want an answer, huh?” She asked dully. “I don’t even have choice in the matter. Not that I’m even competant enough to do it in the first place.”

 _“V thinks you can.”_ Seven hadn’t joked at all during this call; she supposed this was a serious enough conversation that there was no need to.   _“He believes Rika chose you.”_

“I know, but … that makes no sense.” She looked up at the bridge, wanting to climb back up on the railings and haul herself over the edge. But she was scared. “I was sent by a hacker, right? What would a hacker have to do with Rika?”

 _“Listen … I don’t know all the details. But it’s not like you have anything else to do, right?”_ Jiyeon jolted at his words. _“I know you’re lying about the flight.”_

Jiyeon sighed. “I … yes,” she finally relented. “You’re right. I don’t have a plane to catch.”

 _“So there’s no reason to say no. It’s just dealing with emails and chatting with us, anyways.”_ There was another creak from the other side. It sounded like he was leaning back in a desk chair.

“University starts again in March,” she mumbled. “I can’t waste time with a party when I’m in school.”

She wasn’t even supposed to _make it to March in the first place._

 _“I’m sure it won’t take that long,”_ Seven replied, _“but if it does, then we’ll work it out.”_

Jiyeon said nothing. Her guilt was returning rapidly, burning at her throat and making her jittery. “You’re a hacker?”

 _“Huh? Yeah.”_ He seemed caught off guard by her sudden question.

“Did you hack street cameras and track me?” She asked quietly. “Zen followed me. He almost found me.”

Seven laughed. _“Yup. But then Zen gave up on looking.”_

Jiyeon rubbed her eye with the heel of her hand. She was exhausted. “Good.”

Another silence. Then, _“So. Will you head back to Rika’s apartment?”_

“… I guess,” Jiyeon mumbled, after a few seconds. “It’s closer than my own apartment, anyways.”

Seven laughed slightly and she jumped in surprise. _“Yeah, your apartment is pretty damn far from that bridge. Were you really willing to walk over an hour for it?”_

He didn’t specify what ‘it’ was, but he didn’t need to. He probably knew exactly why she’d come here. All her shitty excuses fell flat when he tracked her down and found her on what people called the ‘suicide bridge’. Not to mention, if he’d been hacking the street cameras to watch her, he probably saw that she never made it across the bridge.

He’d probably found her accounts.

Jiyeon knew she should feel anxious about the entire situation, feel scared, violated; but she was so raw and tired that she couldn’t find it in her. She was too tired.

“I thought I was.” Jiyeon sighed, shivering from the cold. “I was wrong.”

Seven was silent for a long while, before he finally sighed as well. _“Ahh … what a mess. I’ll call you a taxi, so just stay where you are. I’ll let everyone else know.”_

Terror gripped her. “Don’t tell them.”

_“What?”_

“Where I am. Please … don’t tell them.” Shame curled in her gut. She was pathetic. She couldn’t even kill herself, after all the planning she’d done. All the time she’d poured into this … now, it was nothing.

_It’s not too late._

But it was.

_“Hah, don’t worry. I’m just going to tell them your phone died and you agreed to do it.”_

Jiyeon let her eyes slip shut. “Th—… Thank you.”

The call wrapped up shortly after that and Jiyeon let her phone fall away from her ear, staring at it wordlessly.

What had she done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe it's a bit unrealistic that Jiyeon made it out of the apartment without Unknown catching her, but I'm operating under the assumption that he only stayed around long enough to make sure she went in before heading out. 
> 
> artistic liberties.
> 
> also the call with Seven felt weird but it was a serious conversation considering he'd been looking into her accounts /and/ watching her through the street cameras, and then tracked her down to the bridge. I just hope it wasn't out of character.


	2. Day 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I wanted to go back and title chapter 1 with "prologue", but then I realized I'd have to redo all the spacing for the chats ... which I've already had to do at least five times now.
> 
> the story hasn't really veered off from its course yet, but dw we'll get there. Slowly but surely. Note: Jiyeon uses formal language with her parents.
> 
> also I feel like I'm including too many of the chats, but that's all there really is for Jiyeon to do and the ones I put in are there for a reason so  
> ~  
> ~  
> anyways, hope you all enjoy this chapter

Jiyeon wasn’t sure how Seven had paid for the cab, but when the driver let her go without even asking for money she just nodded and headed back into the apartment.

Her body was ice and her hands were shaking so badly that she messed up the door code twice before managing to get it right.

The apartment was freezing. Her phone really was going to die, soon; she hadn’t bothered to bring a battery pack or charger. 

“I should’ve just jumped.” The words felt empty, and she slid down against the door, hiding in her knees. “I shouldn’t have come back. I shouldn’t have called Seven … I—”

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out, seeing another slew of messages from the chatroom. Reluctantly she clicked on the notification and joined the chat. 

> **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Zen: !?
> 
> Zen: Jiyeon!
> 
> Yoosung: she came back?
> 
> Zen: Seven did tell us her phone died. And she told me the same thing.
> 
> Jiyeon: sorry if I caused a panic earlier. I really needed to get a phone charger … so I went out to buy one from the convenience store.
> 
> Zen: What?
> 
> Zen: but
> 
> Jiyeon: it was a bit far from Rika’s apartment

She scrolled up to read the earlier messages that had been sent after her departure and then winced. Jumin and Jaehee really had been ready to call the cops; Seven talked them out of it and then sent a picture of her.

“Oh god,” she whispered, horror creeping into her voice, “I look huge in this. They all think I’m a glutton now, seeing that bloated face and puffy cheeks and—”

Her phone notified her of unread messages and she tapped it, returning back to the conversation with the two boys.

> Yoosung: Seven said you agreed to host the party. Is it true?

She didn’t respond, and her silence was long enough to prompt Zen to reply.

> Zen: Don’t let any of them
> 
> Zen: convince you to do anything you don’t want to.
> 
> Zen: You got lured to the apartment by accident, but it isn’t fair to force you to host a party.

Jiyeon paused, unsure what to type. She took of her shoes and placed them against the wall. 

> Jiyeon: It’s alright. I already agreed.
> 
> Zen: did you even get a chance to think about it?;;
> 
> Jiyeon: yes. It’s for charity, right? I want to help people … that’s why I came here in the first place. So, it’s fine.
> 
> Zen: If you’re really so sure of it, then sure.
> 
> Zen: Like I said, it’s not everyday you meet a pretty girl.
> 
> Jiyeon: … I’m not pretty. You should know that already.
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: What???
> 
> Yoosung: What does that mean?

Zen had told the chat he saw her, right? Or had he just called Seven?

_I'll check later._   

> Zen:  Don’t worry about it. 
> 
> Jiyeon: I just hope it doesn’t take too long. I only have until March for University.
> 
> Yoosung: what uni do you go to?

Jiyeon hesitated. 

> Jiyeon: Sky University.
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: WHAT
> 
> Yoosung: I go there too!!!
> 
> Yoosung: are we classmates?

Jiyeon laughed a bit, some of the pressure lifting off her chest. 

> Jiyeon: Probably not. Remember, you’re two years older than me.
> 
> Yoosung: Oh … true. I’m a vet major btw, what about you?
> 
> Jiyeon: engineering
> 
> Zen: geez ;; Yoosung, you barely go to your classes anyways

Jiyeon finally got to her feet, feeling her joints crack as she did so, and began to search for a charger. She came up with nothing, leading her to sigh in frustration. She’d have to return to her apartment later to pick up her things.

Her thoughts wandered back to the bridge—to her failure. Her breathing became heavy.

She missed her chance entirely. 

> Jiyeon: Anyways, I’m going to leave first. I’m pretty tired and my phone is low on battery.
> 
> Jiyeon: Goodnight.

She tapped out before either of them could respond and dragged herself to the couch. Once she was seated she breathed out shakily, feeling regret and nerves pile up in her throat.

_Why am I such a coward?_

Ten minutes later she felt her phone buzz and looked down to see an incoming call. Zen’s name read on the caller ID and she frowned.

Great.

_“Hey! You picked up!”_ Zen sighed in relief. _“I didn’t know if you would or not; wasn’t sure if you’d head to bed yet.”_

Jiyeon shrugged. “Not yet … in a few minutes. Um … how did you get my phone number?”

_“Seven gave it to me. I hope you don’t mind; all the members have your number just in case.”_

Jiyeon frowned. “When did that happen?”

_“Uh … sometime after he messaged the chatroom to tell us your phone died.”_ Zen cleared his throat. _“Anyways, that isn’t why I called. I wanted to know if you had any questions?”_

“Not really?” Jiyeon responded. “Maybe it’s because it’s so late, but … my brain is just overloaded right now.”

_“Ah, I understand. It’s been a long night, right?”_ Jiyeon shifted on the couch. _“Speaking of which, that was you who bumped into me, wasn’t it? How are you doing? Are you injured at all?”_

“I’m fine,” she lied. “I was upset over the messenger and scared, but … I’m fine.”

Zen sighed again. _“Yeah … sorry about all that. This app is supposed to be for us only, so when a stranger came in, it startled all of us.”_

“I understand.” She was so tired. Her eyes ached. “I’m alright, really. Just tired. It’s been … a long night.”

There was shuffling on the other end of the phone. _“Yeah, I can tell.”_ Zen laughs lightly. _“But, um … hey. Did you eat dinner yet?”_

Jiyeon froze.

“Yes,” she forced out. “Did you?”

_“Ah … I don’t have much food around. But yes, I ate take out.”_

“That’s bad for your health,” she scolded lightly. “And your skin.”

Zen laughed. _“Ah, my beauty is indestructible. But I guess something has to hold it back, else I become too perfect for people to handle.”_

Jiyeon laughed. He sounded so … narcissistic, but at the same time it was almost endearing. She had absolutely no self confidence; she knew she was disgusting, so to see someone love themself was … weird.

“Zen …” she started, the question from earlier lingering on her lips, “can I ask a question?”

_“Of course.”_

“Why were you at the convenience store so late at night? Were you there the entire time you were chatting with everyone?”

Zen hummed. _“Yeah; I actually went out to buy beer … I ran out earlier that night.”_ He sighed. _“It’s always a hassle to go out so late.”_

“Why not just wait until later, then?” She questioned, genuinely confused. “Did you want to drink more?”

_“Uh … yes,”_ he replied sheepishly. _“All I usually have at my apartment is water and beer.”_

Jiyeon blinked a few times. “… Wow.”

_“Ah, it’s getting late, isn’t it?”_ Zen suddenly said. _“I didn’t mean to keep you up.”_

“It’s alright,” she offered in reassurance. “You should sleep soon.”

_“Yes, I will.”_ He paused. _“It was fun talking to you; let’s talk often, OK? If you ever want to listen to a serenade, all me anytime. I’ll prepare a number just for you. Bye!”_

It was only after the call ended that Jiyeon let her shoulders slouch, her breathing becoming ragged. She put her phone down on the coffee table.

She agreed. She _agreed why did she agree?_ The plan had been to die; not to get stuck living for God-knows how long.

Jiyeon let her eyes slip shut, stomach knotted up painfully. She hoped it wasn’t a mistake. It felt like one, but she hoped it wasn’t.

She found herself dozing off as she lay there, too tired to even get up and switch off the lights. The couch was surprisingly soft—even more comfortable than her bed, which was sad. If there were blankets it’d be better, considering she was freezing, but Jiyeon wasn’t in the mood to search through a dead woman’s house for blankets at one in the morning.

The sound of her phone buzzing on the glass table woke her from her stupor and she gazed blearily at the name flashing on the screen for a moment, taking note of the time—05:32am—before swiping the accept button.

_“Rrrrrrrr Rrrrrrrr.”_

_“Your bank account has been used for a fun prank. Were you aware of this? I must first confirm your cell phone number to verify your identity, so please calmly follow the instructions.”_

Despite being half asleep still, Jiyeon recognized Seven’s voice, though it was heavily accented compared to earlier. “Instructions?” she mumbled back, rolling so that she was sitting upright on the couch. “What prank are you talking—” she yawned, “—talking about?”

_“Gullible customer, please don’t panic. And take a deep breath. Breathe in — breathe out —! Hey, don’t stop breathing!”_ the voice ordered when Jiyeon purposely held her breath.

She exhaled softly, noting that Seven’s tone was noticeably lighter than it had been when she called him on the bridge. Why did he call her in the first place, anyways? She could tell he was messing with her, but why? Was he angry?

From the other line he continued, _“You must be collected at a time like this. Now, if you’ve taken a deep breath, please go ahead and say ‘Honey, I love you~’. You know, like how the teddy bears say it.”_

_… What?_

“Honey — … I love you?” She felt foolish repeating those words and when he broke off into a short laugh her embarrassment grew. She made a fool of herself already, and it had only been a few hours.

_“Haha, good job. God …that was cute. Now, I will confirm your phone number. Please tell me your phone number.”_

Jiyeon didn’t intend to do so—Seven already knew her number, so there was no point, but before she could say that he cut her off.

_“Stooop!”_ Her mouth clamped shut. _“You were about to tell your number, right? You can’t do that! There are so many scams like this right now! Just like that email you opened, it could’ve been a scam as well; you’re lucky it wasn’t.”_

“Oh — sorry,” she mumbled, despite the fact that she wasn’t going to do it in the first place. “I wasn’t going to give you it, anyways. I don’t like giving my personal information out to people.”

_“Good, good, that’s a good mindset to have.”_ Seven says. _“But remember, if you receive a call like this from now on, don’t even think and hang up. And if you’re unsure, just call me. Okay? I’ll check even when I’m busy.”_

“What …?” she started. “Why—”

_“But …”_ he cut her off abruptly, _“with the situation of Rika’s apartment, you’re so gullible! You can’t fall for stupid things like this!”_

Jiyeon chewed her bottom lip, frustration bubbling in her gut. She’d only come to _help_ and she was sure he knew that she’d planned on jumping if he’d really found information on her. She wouldn’t be surprised if he went through all her accounts by now.

_“—if this were a real scam, a scary hacker could have taken all your money! The moment you receive that call, you lose your money. Okay?”_

She sighed. “Okay,” she repeated. “Make sure to take your own advice, then.”

Seven laughed again and despite it all Jiyeon found herself smiling as well. _“I don’t really have a bank account, haha. My boss told me using cash is the best way to make money.”_

“… Really?” Jiyeon was surprised at herself; this was three over-the-phone conversations in the span of five hours. Was she really so starved for attention? “If you get robbed, though, you’re in trouble.”

_“Ah … well, if your debit card was stolen it’d be the same,”_ Seven replies. _“Anyways, I checked your phone number and let the other members know; if you get a call from this app, you’ll see the faces of our members, so try talking to them! You’ll be seeing them often from now on.”_

“Zen already called me earlier,” Jiyeon told him. “So … I know already you gave my phone number out.” If she was at all bitter about it she didn’t let it show. She didn’t want to make an enemy out of a hacker.

_“Ah, I see. I’ve got to go now. Please take good care of the RFA, okay?”_ He asks, before finishing with, _“I’m looking forward to it! Then, bye bye!”_

The line went dead and Jiyeon just stared for a few seconds. It was too late to leave—she knew that. She’d signed away her fate the second she called Seven on that bridge and told him she’d host the party. But that didn’t stop her mind from drifting back to the bridge, back to her plan.

It was too late now. She knew that. But it didn’t make her want to live any more than she did earlier. The fear she’d felt … it had petrified her in the moment. And even now she was scared. But at the same time, she was so _tired of this._ She wanted for it to be over already.

Jiyeon opened up an application and went into the queue. She hesitated when she saw the post she’d queued to post later today, finger hovering over the trash icon. Then, after a moment of hesitation, she pressed it.

The post disappeared out of her queue, deleted from it entirely, and she swallowed thickly. She triple checked that it was gone, closing the app and reopening it each time, before deciding it was good enough.

She set her phone down and curled back up on the couch, her tired eyes sliding shut again. It was too late now. But … she had to make the best of the situation, she supposed.

At least she had company.

_I really am attentioned starved,_ she mused to herself, beginning to drift back to sleep again. _It’s a bit pathetic._

* * *

Jiyeon only managed another two hours before she woke up again, discomfort resting in her gut. She didn’t sleep well these days; school had been a part of it, but even when she had the chance to rest she’d just been unable to keep her brain quiet enough to get a proper amount of rest.

Still wearing the same clothes Jiyeon slid her shoes on as she left, making sure to close the door all the way before making her way back to the elevator. This time there was no panic, and she waited patiently for it to arrive before stepping in. She felt her phone buzz as the doors slid shut and slid it out of her pocket.

She skimmed the messages, not bothering to read more than the notification told her. Her phone battery was dangerously low and she’d be lucky to make it back to her apartment before it died; she didn’t want to waste what remained on the chat room.

It was overcast again and she crossed her fingers in hopes that it wouldn’t start raining. There was a good forty minutes of walking ahead of her before she would reach her apartment.

People stared as she walked; she ignored them. It was normal—she was disgusting looking and people looked at her and could _see that she was sick._ They could see that she’d destroyed herself, ripped herself apart and given up on putting herself back together … and as embarrassed as she was, she couldn’t do anything about it.

Just minutes before rain began to fall Jiyeon reached her apartment and she silently thanked whatever God was up there for holding it back for so long. Her apartment was freezing, just like it was when she left, and she flicked on the light while discarding her shoes by the door.

Backpack, backpack … ah, there it was.

She emptied the contents onto the floor before heading to her desk and unplugging her American DS from the charger while somehow managing to forget about her Korean one. She wrapped it with the cord, double checking that it was off, before slipping it into the smaller pocket and moving on, placing her game carrier in as well. While she was at it she plugged her phone into the charger and went to collect the rest of her things.

After brushing and using mouthwash Jiyeon dumped her toiletries and medication into a bag. After a moment of thought, she grabbed the lighter and a small jewelry box from the drawer and dropped it in as well—and then she stripped and stepped onto the scale in the corner.

_35.1_

Jiyeon frowned. “Well … it’s lower than yesterday, at least,” she mumbled to herself. But she felt nothing looking at the number. She hadn’t felt satisfaction at her weight loss in a long time—if anything, the number just made her feel worse. It was proof of her weakness and proof that she was damaged.

She picked it up along with her clothes and toiletry bag, bringing them into the main room. After putting her clothes in a shopping bag and scale and toiletries away in the bag she moved to take out a few outfits, stuffing them into the shopping bag so that it wouldn’t take up space in her backpack. After that was done, she redressed. For a moment she considered grabbing her laptop, only to shake her head.

Not only would it be at risk of being ruined from the rain, but it’d be too heavy for the forty five minute walk ahead of her. Plus, if Seven could hack her phone, she was sure he could hack her computer as well.

“What else?” She wondered. “Headphones?”

The bluetooth ones were resting on her desk, beside her laptop, and she picked them up and placed them in the bag. Beside it was her wallet, which she grabbed as well, checking to see that everything was in there before putting it away and zipping it up to test the weight of the bag.

It … wasn’t bad, but the scale made it a lot heavier than it would’ve been without it. Still, she doubted Rika’s apartment would have one and she wasn’t going to walk back every day to weigh herself.

She glanced at the ps4 on the floor a bit sadly. If she could, she’d bring that too, but … it would be too heavy with everything else. Maybe she could make another trip back for it in the future.

Finally, Jiyeon unplugged her phone and charger, placing the charger for both her fitbit and phone in with her DS.

“I think … this should be good, for now,” she said to herself, zipping up the bag and pulling it onto her shoulders. Her legs trembled as she stood and she vaguely realized it had been over two days since she last ate.

She sighed, but put the backpack down on her bed and made her way into the small kitchen. She opened the freezer and removed one of the frozen meals in there, placing it into the microwave. She retrieved an apple from the fridge as well, cutting it and weighing it as she waited before logging both items into her phone.

Thirty minutes later she was out of the house, umbrella in hand as she descended the staircase and headed back out to the streets. Since it was raining fairly heavily now the streets were mostly deserted, though there were still people out and about. She made sure her bag was covered by the umbrella as she went.

She reached Rika’s apartment complex a few minutes before ten and once she set her things down on the couch she felt her phone vibrate again.

More messages.

After plugging her phone charger in she opened the app, tapping the chatroom and leaning back against the wall. 

> **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> 707: Wow! If it isn’t the infamous Jiyeon! Welcome~
> 
> Jumin Han: Our lady of the evening.
> 
> 707: Jiyeon, u know that Jumin has a cat, right?
> 
> Jiyeon: Yes.
> 
> 707: I want to see her <3

Jiyeon smiled as a picture of the cat loaded up on the screen. What was her name … Elizabeth the 3rd? She was so _pretty._ It made her miss Leo; he was back at her parents house. He was old, now, nearly sixteen years old, but she’d grown up with him. 

> Jiyeon: Wow, she’s so pretty
> 
> Jumin Han: Yes. I’m glad you understand the beauty of cats in this world.
> 
> Jumin Han: I should have the company carry out more cat related business.
> 
> 707: Lol
> 
> Jiyeon: I have a cat, too. He’s a persian like yours. His name is Leo
> 
> 707: I wanna see~~

Jiyeon hesitated. Would it be safe to show them? It was just her cat … and they already knew what she looked like _and_ her name. It couldn’t hurt, right?

Hesitantly she clicked on the photo icon and scrolled through her albums until she reached the one she’d specifically created just for pictures of Leo. She picked one she’d taken of him when she visited over the summer. 

> Jumin Han: What a beautiful specimen.
> 
> Jumin Han: His coat is shiny and well taken care of. It is clear you feed him a well balanced diet.
> 
> Jiyeon: lol, my parents do
> 
> Jiyeon: I did when I lived with them
> 
> 707: lol, Jumin the cat mom
> 
> Jumin Han: I do not like that term.
> 
> 707: Then how about cat man?
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jumin Han: Call me by name.
> 
> 707: how about trust fun baby cat? Director cat since you’re a director? … Or~ Father … father of cat mom!
> 
> 707: … That was a bit too much.
> 
> Jiyeon: Jumin Cat Mom Han
> 
> 707: lmfao

Jiyeon set her phone down and went about taking her stuff out of her bag, placing the scale and toiletries in the bathroom and the box on the counter. She moved to the bedroom, taking the folded clothes out of the bag and laying them out on the bed. Now that she thought about it, she probably should’ve brought blankets so she wouldn’t be cold …

She didn’t really want to sleep in Rika’s bed. It felt wrong.

Jiyeon returned to her corner and picked her phone back up, scrolling up to see what she missed. Jumin had warned her about 707 being dangerous about two minutes ago and she bit her lip, unsure if it’d be inappropriate to respond so late. 

> Jiyeon: Sorry, I had to put stuff away.
> 
> 707: ?
> 
> Jiyeon: I went back to my apartment today to pick up some things.
> 
> Jiyeon: Jumin, it seems Seven likes to joke around … is he really so dangerous?

She thought back to earlier in the night, when she’d called him. He had been so cold over the phone … straight to business. Nothing else had mattered to him, though he’s been willing enough to call a cab for her. She hadn’t gotten a chance to properly thank him yet.

But then he called her, hours later, and joked around. She didn’t understand—was he cold? Was he kind? Was he joking, or making fun of her?

She didn’t know. 

> 707: Yup! That’s right.
> 
> 707: Ur like the only one who gets me in this group.
> 
> Jumin Han: The jokes of a dangerous man and the jokes of a not-so-dangerous man are different.
> 
> 707: I am not dangerous~!
> 
> 707: ur cat is alive and well haha

Jiyeon adjusted her position, wincing when her tailbone grinded up against the hardwood floor. Maybe she should go get a pillow off the couch to sit on. 

> Jumin Han: If that’s love, then you’re a sadist.
> 
> 707: What’s that?
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jumin Han: **Don’t ask. You know already.**

Jiyeon retrieved the pillow and sighed in relief when she had it to cushion her butt. Now, there was the fact that her spine was sore from the wall and fall earlier that morning, but … just a side effect she had grown used to.

They were talking about secrets, now. Jiyeon watched silently, bringing one leg up to her chest and wrapping her arm around it. 

> Jumin Han: People with secrets are always dangerous
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t know … everyone has secrets.
> 
> 707: Exactly!
> 
> 707: Don’t fear me.
> 
> 707: If u come over to my place, I’ll give u a smothering hug.
> 
> **Zen has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Zen: ugh
> 
> Zen: What’s with all this cat stuff?;;
> 
> Zen: I feel like I’m going to sneeze …
> 
> Jumin Han: You simply don’t understand the beauty of cats.
> 
> Jumin Han: Anyways. I’m going to work now.
> 
> Jumin Han: I just stuck around because my driver’s running late.

Jiyeon’s phone buzzed suddenly before a text notification showed up at the top. She clicked on it, leaving the app open in the background, and read the text from her mother before typing a quick reply and switching tabs. 

> 707: No one knows how affectionate I can be lol
> 
> 707: Right?
> 
> 707: I hope u believe me
> 
> Zen: Don’t be weird.
> 
> Jiyeon: Uh … I’ll believe you.

She thought back to the call on the bridge again. He hadn’t snapped at her like she expected him to—even if it had been because he wanted her back at the apartment, it was more than she expected him to do.

It wasn’t affectionate, but … it was thoughtful. She appreciated it. 

> Jiyeon: I’m sure you have a soft side to you.
> 
> Jiyeon: even if you’re dangerous
> 
> 707: I’m not dangerous!!
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Zen: You two …
> 
> 707: anyways
> 
> 707: I’ll peace out now
> 
> 707: I have work T_T
> 
> 707: The company’s lucky to have me as their slave …

Jiyeon frowned, a bit disappointed. She had been enjoying herself, surprisingly enough. Seven reminded her of her American friends … she could joke around with him just like she could with them and it lifted a bit of the pressure on her chest. He even didn’t seem to hold her weaknesses against her like so many had.  

> Jiyeon: see ya
> 
> 707: see ya
> 
> **707 has left the chat room**
> 
> Zen: The weather was so bad today …
> 
> Jiyeon: yeah
> 
> Jiyeon: I had to walk in it
> 
> Zen: Really?
> 
> Zen: It rained, though.
> 
> Jiyeon: Had to get stuff from my apartment … didn’t really have a choice.
> 
> Zen: It’s so cold today … the basement we’re rehearsing in today is ice cold. It feels like I’m going to die.
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Jiyeon: Are you alright? It’s pretty cold in Rika’s apartment, too, but I don’t want to raise the heat since I don’t know who’s paying for it.
> 
> Zen: oh
> 
> Zen: That would be V.
> 
> Zen: Don’t worry about raising the heat, V won’t care. He’s been paying for the apartment even with Rika’s absence.

Jiyeon noted he avoided referring to her as dead. She made a note to do the same, just out of courtesy. 

> Zen: But thanks for worrying.
> 
> Zen: I have to practice in a basement right now, but I hope that soon I’ll get a new project and a proper rehearsal room.
> 
> Zen: The director says that he’d get a new project soon, but …
> 
> Zen: To be honest, without the parties, my sponsors in the musical industry have left one by one.
> 
> Jiyeon: oh … that’s too bad.

Now she felt bad about trying to refuse. The lack of parties was actually affecting his career.  

> Zen: It’s already been a year and a half
> 
> Zen: since our last party
> 
> Zen: **Rika’s party was packed with sponsors …**
> 
> Zen: **There were a lot of people from the industry.**

Jiyeon couldn’t help but feel a bit pressured by that information. Could she live up to those expectations? To that legacy?

Probably not … she didn’t even know if she was capable of handling planning the party. What if she messed up while emailing possible attendees? Or didn’t get enough people? Or got the wrong people?

She didn’t even know where to start. 

> Jiyeon: Zen, do you really think I’m qualified to plan the party?
> 
> Jiyeon: I’ve never done this before; I won’t be able to make it as grand and amazing as Rika could.
> 
> Jiyeon: It’ll just be a disappointment.
> 
> Zen: V believes you can do it, so I do as well.
> 
> Zen: besides
> 
> Zen: I don’t think it would be a disappointment, as long as you put your hardest into it.
> 
> Zen: So don’t be so stressed.
> 
> Zen: Just do what you can do.
> 
> Zen: ^^
> 
> Jiyeon: I guess.

Zen mentioned having to go, that his break was over—and Jiyeon bid him goodbye before exiting out of the chat and looking at the app itself. The UI was … interesting, to say the least. She realized she’d never checked the texts so she opened that up, clicking on Yoosung’s icon as it was at the top of the list.

She saw the first few were from when she’d turned her phone off, but the latter were welcoming her to the organization and asking what she enjoyed.

She texted back a quick response, mentioning video games, before going to respond to the rest of the group’s messages.

After it was all said and done she set her phone down and sighed, drawing both knees to her chest and letting her forehead rest on them.

Jiyeon was so tired. Not just physically, but mentally. It felt as if every ounce of energy had been drained from her body, as if all the fight was gone. Not that she had much in her in the first place. Chickening out at the bridge had been … a surprise. An unpleasant one, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

Jiyeon hoped that the days would be easier, because she didn’t know how much longer she’d make it if things kept up the way they were going now.

Eventually she roused herself to approach the thermostat, reluctantly turning on the heat while keeping Zen’s words in mind. V wouldn’t mind. He wouldn’t be mad at her, she wouldn’t get in trouble …

When her phone was sufficiently charged she pocketed it and took her wallet out from her bag, exiting the apartment to go grocery shopping. If she was going to stay here indefinitely, then she had to have some kind of food to keep her going, as much as she’d rather not.

She took the umbrella as well and continued on her way.

* * *

“Yes, mother,” she repeated into the phone, struggling to balance the groceries, umbrella, and her phone with just two hands. “I’m—yes, I signed up for my classes next semester.”

_“What are you taking this time?”_

Jiyeon somehow managed to close the umbrella before entering the lobby of the apartment. “Just the same as usual ... ”

_“All of that at the same time!?”_ Her mother gasped, once she'd listed them off to the woman. _“Jiyeon, are you sure that isn’t too much? You can’t overwork yourself, college is your time to relax. Wouldn’t you rather take an easy semester?”_

She sighed, waiting for her mother to finish speaking before arguing, “No … it is not too much. I know my limits.”

Jiyeon waited beside the elevator, knowing that the call would likely die once she stepped in. On the other line, Jiyeon’s mother continued to scold her daughter. _“You say that, but every time I see you you’re thinner and thinner. Do you even have enough time to eat when you’re in school? It sure looks like you don’t.”_

_“… Hold on a moment. Yeobo! I’ll come in a moment!”_ Her mother resumed her lecture. _“I worry about you and so does your father. We love you, you know. I don't want to have to lower your coffin into the ground."_

Jiyeon said nothing for a long moment before finally deciding to ignore the last part. “I love you too. When will you be flying home?”

Her mother noted the change in topic but didn’t push it. _“Two weeks from now.”_ Jiyeon frowned at that. Her parents had already been touring across America for a month now for some stupid reason she didn’t understand. How they had enough vacation time to afford such a trip was beyond her. _“Will you come visit us when we get back? It’s been so long.”_

“I’ll … see what I can do,” she mumbled. “Can you ask your neighbor how Leo’s doing? He’s been without any of us for a long time now.”

_“Of course. That old cat is still kicking, there’s no need to worry about him. Anyways—it’s almost ten at night here, so I have to go. I’ll talk to you later sweetheart. Goodnight.”_

“Goodnight, mother.” She hung up the call. Only then did she sigh, staring at the phone with an odd expression on her face before pocketing it and pressing the button for the elevator. It was unusual for her mother to call her; usually her parents called on Saturdays.

Today was a Tuesday. The schedule had been messed up and she didn’t like it.

Once she was inside the apartment she huffed in exhaustion. Considering where the apartment was located it wasn’t too long of a walk, but it had still felt like an eternity.

She put away the bag of groceries she’d bought and left the bag on the counter, moving over to where she’d left her bag so she could retrieve her DS.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she removed it, seeing a text from Yoosung.

> _**Yoosung:** [What games do you play?] _

She typed in her response and hesitated. Was she responding too quickly? It had taken Yoosung a few hours to respond … would she seem creepy if she responded immediately?

Jiyeon turned her screen off and left it beside her on the couch, opening up the DS and pressing down on the power button. It came to life a moment later and she waited for the home screen to load before pressing the ‘A’ button.

Ultra Moon loaded up on the screen and she heard the legendary pokemon screech before bringing her to the menu. She selected her account and began to play.

Her parents had bought it and mailed it to her from America along with an American DS just a few weeks ago, after they first arrived in the country, and she was ecstatic. Despite being fluent in Korean and English she’d chosen to play it in English, if only to make sure she didn’t get rusty with the language. It wasn’t often she got to use it, after all.

“Mimikyu,” she whined, despite knowing the pokemon couldn’t hear her, “c’mon, you can do this … don’t miss. Please don’t miss.”

The mimic pokemon thankfully didn’t. She sighed in relief, watching as Hau’s Vaporeon went down. That thing had wiped her Torracat with water pulse before she could stop it. Torracat had abysmal special defence.

After the battle was over she glanced down at her phone. It had been awhile … it was probably safe to reply.

She unlocked her phone and looked over the message she’d typed out, chewing on her bottom lip. What if her answer was wrong somehow? What if she angered him?

Jiyeon grimaced, feeling her palms begin to sweat from nerves. No, she’d be fine; she would be _fine._ Yoosung asked her a question, obviously he’d want her to answer it … or he wouldn’t have sent it.

_He could be tricking you,_ her brain taunted. _He could be trying to embarass you._

She clutched her phone a bit tighter. Then, reluctantly, she erased the entire message and began to type it again, differently this time. 

> _**Jiyeon:** [I play a lot of handheld and console games, but I do play rpgs and shooters as well.] _

There. That didn’t sound too rude, right? Jiyeon stared at the message for a moment longer before turning her screen off and putting back down, continuing to play Pokemon.

Her phone buzzed once again within a minute and she picked it back up. Yoosung had already replied. 

> _**Yoosung:** [Do you play LOLOL?] _

Jiyeon’s fingers twitched. 

> _**Jiyeon:** [No.] _

_Buzz._  

> _**Yoosung:** [You should try it! It’s really fun.] _

She smiled a bit. The last rpg's she’d seriously been into were Lineage and Mabinogi, but that had died away during high school when she got bored of it. Then again, she did commit half of middle school and almost all of high school studying non-stop. 

> _**Jiyeon:** [I’ll think about it. I don’t have my laptop with me, so I can’t play any computer games.] _

_Buzz._  

> _**Yoosung:** [OK! Let me know if you join. I’ll help you out.] _

She typed back. 

> _**Jiyeon:** [Thanks.] _

He didn’t send anymore messages, but Jiyeon felt oddly calm about the exchange. It had been terrifying to actually text someone like that, but … it hadn’t gone _poorly._

“I can’t believe I just did that,” she mumbled to herself. “What was I thinking?”

Still, she didn’t regret the exchange.

* * *

At noon her phone began to vibrate again, as messages started to flow in from the messenger. Jiyeon put down her DS and unlocked her phone, checking the chat. It was just Yoosung and Seven, right now.

She went to join, only to hesitate.

Seven knew what she had been planning to do. Would he treat her differently because of it? He hadn’t so far, but … she was scared. Not to mention he was a _hacker;_ the type of person she feared unconditionally.

And Yoosung—she’d been casually texting him just an hour ago. Would he treat her oddly?

Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed on the chat room and joined it. Her stomach twisted anxiously and when she opened her eyes she was relieved that neither of them seemed angry at her arrival. So she hadn’t interrupted … good.

She read through the previous messages … so Seven was still doing research on her. She wondered what there was to find … how far would he take his search?

Would he go into her medical records? Her school records?

_I really hope not._

She was a bit embarrassed when Seven called her cute—because she definitely was not. But she moved on. 

> 707: See? Told you.
> 
> 707: She was reading all of it through her phone
> 
> Jiyeon: Um …
> 
> Jiyeon: How far are you going to go?
> 
> 707: As far as I need
> 
> 707: but don’t worry, I won’t tell~
> 
> 707:  Besides, I’m not doing a background check or anything. 
> 
> 707:  I’m looking for the person who sent you to Rika’s apartment. 
> 
> Yoosung: Oh …!
> 
> Yoosung: If you find out, will you tell everyone?
> 
> 707: That depends on what V says.
> 
> 707: As always~

Jiyeon frowned. She wasn’t in any position to question the leader of the group, but … it seemed odd to hide that kind of information from everyone.

But, it wasn’t her place.

Yoosung seemed a bit aggravated as he went on, and Jiyeon reminded herself to stay out of it. She had no business messing around with the situation surrounding Rika’s death, and if Yoosung wanted to rant about it … she wouldn’t stop him.

Still … she was curious. 

> Jiyeon: If I can ask
> 
> Jiyeon: how did Rika die?

There was a long pause and Jiyeon felt her anxiety flare to life. She’d messed up. Fuck, she messed up—now they were going to be angry at her and tell her off and— 

> 707: I don’t think it’s a good idea for Yoosung or me to explain that.
> 
> Yoosung: Isn’t it better to explain?
> 
> 707: Well …
> 
> Yoosung: Why?
> 
> Jiyeon: It’s fine—I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I was out of line
> 
> 707: no need to be so formal
> 
> 707: It’s just
> 
> 707: we still have a lot of questions and different thoughts about it
> 
> Yoosung: … I still can’t believe it.
> 
> Yoosung: I can’t believe that she’s not here anymore.

Jiyeon felt her stomach curl. She was starting to guess what it had been, from their hesitancy. If it was an accident, she doubted they’d be afraid of telling her. Same with illness.

But … if it was a suicide …

She could understand that better. 

> Jiyeon: I’m sorry, Yoosung
> 
> Jiyeon: I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories
> 
> Jiyeon: I won’t bring it up again, OK?
> 
> Yoosung: no … it’s fine
> 
> Yoosung: I just …
> 
> Yoosung : …

She waited for him to continue and when he didn’t simply shrugged. The two of them were related, right? That’s what she’d been told at some point … she couldn’t remember when. Probably a text from one of the members.

_Would my family be this crushed if I had died earlier? Would my friends miss and mourn me?_

She felt uneasy. 

> 707: I have to leave now. Just got more work~
> 
> Yoosung: I finished my lunch so I have to go too.

The feeling grew. She’d messed up—did they hate her now?

Her throat felt tight and she cursed herself for it. She hadn’t even know them for a _day;_ why was she so upset about this? She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t be so upset that _strangers_ —because that’s what they were, no matter how friendly they happened to be—were angry at her. 

> Jiyeon: I’m really sorry …
> 
> 707: u don’t need to be
> 
> 707: didn’t do anything wrong ~

Jiyeon curled her legs closer to her chest. He was being polite. She hated it. 

> Jiyeon: Alright. … Goodbye, Seven, Yoosung.
> 
> 707: ^^
> 
> 707: Then laterz.
> 
> Yoosung: Yup~
> 
> **707 has left the chat room.**
> 
> **Yoosung has left the chat room.**
> 
> **Jaehee Kang has joined the chat room.**
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Oh … it seems I just missed them.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Hello, Jiyeon.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I was just thinking of you.

Jiyeon frowned. 

> Jiyeon: About me?
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Yes. Since you are in Rika’s apartment
> 
> Jaehee Kang: And other than you, no one can go near that place.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: It is quite an irony. We, who’ve worked with Rika, cannot enter the place,
> 
> Jaehee Kang: and yet you, who are a complete stranger can stay there …

Jiyeon’s shoulders slumped. So Jaehee didn’t like her, either. It stung to be rejected by a stranger, but she didn’t blame the older woman. Who would want to willingly associate with her, after all? 

> Jiyeon: I’m sorry.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: …
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I believe you have misinterpreted my words.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Simply stated, if you fill Rika’s position then we may be able to host parties again.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Do you understand? What do you think?

Jiyeon closed her DS and set it back down, giving her full attention to the chat room for now. To be honest … she didn’t want to. Who knew how long it’d take to organize a party? Not to mention, she already knew she wasn’t qualified. She would fail miserably and let everyone down. That’s all she could ever do.

But … she couldn’t go revealing that to Jaehee. It’d be unfair to the woman, for her to just dump those thoughts on her and the others.

So, she said the same thing she said last night. 

> Jiyeon: I already agreed.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Yes. But,
> 
> Jaehee Kang: this is something to be carefully considered.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Please take all the time you need to consider it.
> 
> Jiyeon: I’ve already decided. It’s fine.

She didn’t want to talk about this. Thankfully, Jaehee seemed to get the hint. 

> Jaehee Kang: I understand. Would you like me to inform you of your duties?
> 
> Jiyeon: Ah … yes, I would appreciate that.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: 
> 
> Jaehee Kang:  Rika exchanged various emails with party guests at the apartment. 
> 
> Jaehee Kang:  As far as I know, she approved or declined guests depending on the theme of the party. 
> 
> Jaehee Kang:  Even if the person had no desire to attend the party, she convinced them so that they make an appearance. 
> 
> Jaehee: We don’t know what the theme of our next party would be. However, when V tells you, it’ll will be your responsibility.
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t know if I can do that.
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m not very good with words, how can I convince someone to come to a party if I don’t even know what to say?
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I will offer my assistance to you if you need.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: We all must work together if a party is to succeed.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Besides,
> 
> Jaehee Kang: if the task is done well,
> 
> Jaehee Kang: then it will be possible to host the party again.

Jiyeon couldn’t help but wonder why it was all of them had to send their messages—which could be sent all together in one—in multiple parts. Was it because they were still composing their thoughts when they typed it up? Or was it because with the fast paced chat room, they had to do it to keep up? 

> Jiyeon: If you don’t mind me asking, what are the benefits of hosting the party again?
> 
> Jiyeon: Zen said he’d get more sponsorships and roles if we host a party. But that can’t be all.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: You are correct. There are a lot of benefits.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: First …
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I think it will be meaningful that Rika’s mission isn’t hindered and continues on.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Also, I presume that V, who has not really been involved with the organization after Rika’s death, will change.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Currently, V is not really active in the organization.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: He rarely logs into the chat room.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: So … everyone is probably hoping for V to come back.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Except for Yoosung.
> 
> Jiyeon: Yoosung? Why?
> 
> Jaehee Kang: That’s …
> 
> Jaehee Kang: That is something you should hear from Yoosung or V.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I would like to talk with you further, but I must leave for a moment.
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh … alright. Bye, Jaehee.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I will see you again.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I hope … Rika’s work goes well.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I will be off.
> 
> **Jaehee Kang has left the chat room.**

Jiyeon stared at the empty chat room for a long moment, scrolling back up to read Jaehee’s replies before reluctantly exiting as well. Her stomach was knotted so tightly she felt like she was going to throw up. She tried to return back to her game, but it didn’t seem as appealing anymore.

She took a sip of water. Tried again.

Then, eventually, Jiyeon gave up. She saved the game and turned off her DS, letting her head tilt back and stare up at the ceiling.

_Why am I still here?_

She sighed softly, wrapping her arms around her legs and hiding her face in them. She wanted …

What did she want?

Thirteen hours ago she wanted to die. Eleven hours ago, she chickened out.

She felt displaced, now that she was here, alive, past her expiration date. It felt like she’d sinned, somehow … like she’d cheated. She didn’t deserve to be here.

Why was she wasting everyone’s time?

Jiyeon shakily exhaled, clutching her elbows tighter. No. She couldn’t panic; not here. Not now. Panic attacks were for night time, when the lights were out and she was _hidden._ They weren’t for broad daylight.

They weren’t. They _weren’t._

_Stop crying. Stop it, stop it, stop it._

She coughed, a sob ripping from her throat, and the girl rocked back and forth, desperately trying to calm her breathing.

_Why didn’t I jump? Why didn’t I jump? Why, why, why?_

She wanted to scream; she could feel it building in her throat. She could feel all her emotions bubbling to the surface, ready to burst and reduce her into nothing—and she hated it.

“I hate you,” she choked out. “I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I _hate you!”_

Her voice cracked at the end and she shoved to her feet, taking off down the hall and towards the bathroom. She slammed the door shut behind her, uneven breaths filling the empty room, and angrily she grasped at the strands of her hair.

She saw the box sitting on the counter, next to the medications that she _should’ve_ taken last night and this morning.

She saw them. She was tempted—really, she was.

But she stopped herself.

The RFA had experienced one death already. It wouldn’t be fair to put them through another.

… Not that she thought she was even moderately as important than Rika was. No; that wasn’t it. But she’d made a promise and committed to the party, and backing out now would be flat out rude.

Jiyeon was used to this. She spent ten years with it.

Before she left the bathroom she stepped on the scale and took note of the weight. When she returned, her phone was silent, with no new notifications, and she slipped out her headphones and connected them to her phone.

* * *

The rest of the day passed by silently. There were a few more chat rooms that Jiyeon didn’t bother joining; she already had intruded too much. But Jumin had shot her a text message about a man who owned a cat shelter and asked about inviting him to the party.

She accepted. And now, the email was sitting in her—no, Rika’s mailbox. Her email hadn’t received anything from the man.

Jaehee had called her earlier. It was only an hour after Jiyeon’s panic attack and she had nearly lept out of her skin when she saw the icon flashing on her screen. Still. She accepted the call; it would be rude not to.

Jaehee had been … nicer than expected.

Jumin, on the other hand, when he called her later in the day, had unnerved her. She wasn’t expecting to have her voice complimented. Not to mention, he’d outright asked about her eating habits—she understood that it was polite. She’d done it many times herself. But it was always uncomfortable to have the question turned on her.

And then it’d basically become an interrogation. Not like Jiyeon could answer many of his questions; she’d stammered her way through it, dread pooling in her stomach as each second passed, and when the call had ended she felt a weight lift from her shoulders.

It was nearing nine when she saw her phone light up again, and she blinked a few times when she saw the caller ID and image.

“V?” She asked. “Um. Hello.”

_“Ah, hello.”_ V replied. _“Allow me to formally introduce myself. I am V, the head of the RFA. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”_

“Ah—same to you,” she mumbled, feeling a bit awkward.

V began with, _“I called because there is something I’d like to ask you.”_

“What is it?”

_“Uh … if it does not offend you. This ‘Unknown’ who you spoke of … is there any information you can give me about him?”_

Jiyeon blinked. She was surprised to hear V asking; considering Seven had claimed to be the informant, she’d fully expected the question to come from him. But here she was, talking to V about it.

Jiyeon chewed on her lip, adjusting how she was sitting. “Uh … he said he was abroad, for one thing. But I think he was lying,” she mumbled. “He was pressuring me to go in, though. Every time I tried to back out, he’d say something.

_“… I see. Very well. Thank you for answering me. Hm …”_ he paused. _“I believe that’s all, for now. There are limits to the conversation through the phone.”_

She curled her toes. “I … guess?”

_“Since you’re here to hold parties, we share a common goal. So I’ll help you to the best of my abilities. However …”_ he paused. _“I am not readily available. So, if you can’t get in contact with me, simply ask Luciel to do so.”_

“Yeah … OK.” Jiyeon was curious, but didn’t dare pry. It would be too rude.

_“I hope we can have a good time with the rest of the RFA members. Now, I must leave—”_

“Ah—wait,” she said hastily, suddenly remembering what she’d wanted to ask. “I’m sorry; I know you must have to go. But. Um … Zen said you pay for this apartment. Is that true?”

V took a moment to reply. _“Yes. Why do you ask?”_

“I … um …” Jiyeon grasped her phone tighter. “I just … wanted to ask if it was OK for me to turn the heater on. Since … you’re paying for the bills and everything.”

_“Oh. Yes, that’s perfectly fine.”_ Thankfully he didn’t seem angry at her question. _“There’s no need to worry about that. Turn it as hot as you’d like.”_

She hesitated. “Really?”

_“Yes. The same goes for the electricity bill; feel free to use any of the electronics in there to your liking … however, if you encounter a lock, please don’t mess with it.”_

“I—uh, yeah—yeah, of course.” She stumbled over her words, shocked by how easy-going he was about this. He’d basically just given her unlimited access to the huge television in the living room. “That’s … really generous of you. Thanks.”

_“It’s no problem, Jiyeon,”_ he replied. _“Is that all?”_

She nodded quickly, then verbalized it. “Y-Yeah. Um. That’s all. Thanks …”

_“I will go, then. I look forward to seeing what you’re capable of.”_

With that he hung up, leaving Jiyeon to stare at the phone with a mix of confusion and dis-ease.

_What a strange man._

Around ten pm she finally dragged herself away from her DS long enough to grab something from the kitchen, if only because she hadn’t eaten since that morning. It wouldn’t do her any good to let her health slip more, especially with the current situation.

The last thing she wanted was to make anyone suspicious. But she refused to gain weight, either—meaning she’d have to, somehow, manage enough food to actually sustain her weight rather than drop it.

_Mom … you’d be crushed if you could see me now, wouldn’t you?_ She thought to herself as she opened a bag of snack-sized chips. _I’m sorry I’m such a failure of a daughter._

The chat room was still going and while she longed to join, she had to consciously stop herself. She’d talked enough for one day. If she said too much, they’d get tired of her. She didn’t want that.

After Jumin and Jaehee had left the chat room, Jiyeon finally logged in, reading through the messages she missed while slowly making her way through the bag of chips. Jaehee and Jumin had a … unique relationship, she had to admit. She felt a bit bad for Jaehee, being worked to the bone like she was, but it’s not like Jiyeon could do anything about it.

She decided to try and sleep early, that night. The bag of chips remained unfinished on the coffee table, and Jiyeon briefly considered whether or not to sleep on the couch again, or use the bedroom. She was here indefinitely, so it’d make more sense to use the bed, but …

Wouldn’t it be weird?

In the end the bed won out, if only because it had blankets and plenty of space for her to stretch out on.

She plugged her charger into the outlet there and let her phone rest on the bedside table, setting her usual alarm.

And then she laid there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbc
> 
> please tell me what you thought! also, yes; Jiyeon has two 3DS's, two different chargers, and an adapter for the American one. Since 3DS consoles are region locked, she wouldn't have been able to play what her parents bought her, so they also got her a new 3DS.


	3. Day 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those of you who have left kudos and comments, it's really nice to see people enjoy what I'm writing. 
> 
> Trigger warning for this chapter: Non-graphic self-harm. I've put double, underlined asterisks at the beginning and end of the scene so if you wish to skip it, then just look for these underlined: **
> 
> Like I said, it isn't graphic at all (because then I'll just trigger myself), but I don't want to take the risk of accidentally triggering someone else.
> 
> Note: I'm using the English names for Pokemon even if they should be in Korean so that no one has to go looking up the name of each mentioned character or Pokemon.

This had been a mistake.

It had to be.

Right?

Jiyeon hadn’t just pocket dialed Jumin Han at 2 in the morning. Had she?

_ I did,  _ she thought with mortification.  _ I dialed Jumin fucking Han, heir to C&R International, at 2 am. _

_ What the fuck did I just do? _

_ “Jiyeon,” _ he began, when she did nothing but sit there in shocked silence, _ “I do hope this call is not because something bad has happened.” _

“I—no! No, I-I, uh—um—” she stammered, struggling to find her words. She was so  _ embarrassed she wanted to cry.  _ “I—”

_ “Uh, um?”  _ he repeated, and her nerves only grew worse. Was he mocking her?  _ “You’ve been hanging around Luciel too much.” _

“I—sorry,” she mumbled, cheeks flushed. “I … actually, I didn’t mean to call you. I rolled over on my phone and accidentally dialed.”

_ “I see.” _

Jiyeon shifted uncomfortably, unsure if she should just blurt out an apology and hang up. But before she could, Jumin began to speak again.  _ “I am taking a break after work. I plan to go to bed soon,”  _ he told her.  _ “Why are you up at such an hour?” _

Jiyeon adjusted the pillow she was leaning up against, hugging her knees tightly with her free arm. “I … couldn’t sleep,” she admitted. “Nerves. And stuff.”

_ “That is understandable,”  _ Jumin replied easily,  _ “you are in a new environment with new stressors. In such a situation, it is best to try and find some familiarity .” _

_ Familiarity?  _ Jiyeon wondered.  _ The only familiar thing about this is being alone. _

She was always alone.

“Um … I guess,” she mumbled. God, this was so awkward. Jumin said nothing and Jiyeon, desperate for a distraction from her nerves, asked, “Uh—w-what do you think of before you sleep, Jumin?”

Jumin hummed softly.  _ “Is that what is on your mind? It’s best to think of nothing before going to sleep. But, I suppose that’s the most difficult part.”  _ Jiyeon found herself nodding in agreement as he spoke.  _ “When I close my eyes, I’m reminded of what happened during the day, or the face of someone I miss.” _

“So what do you do?” She asked hastily, only to backtrack immediately. “S—Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

_ “Hm.”  _ Jiyeon stretched her legs out in front of her as she waited, shifting the phone to her other ear.  _ “I simply attempt to clear my mind. Breathing exercises are particularly helpful in that aspect.” _

_ Breathing exercises, huh …  _

_ “Will you be heading to bed soon? I must go get some rest. Once the sun comes up, another busy day will come.” _

Guilt washed over the girl and she ducked her head shamefully. “I—yeah. Sorry … I didn’t mean to keep you like this.”

_ “Make sure to get some sleep,”  _ Jumin responded, and Jiyeon was a bit frustrated that he completely ignored her apology,  _ “… I hope you have good dreams. Then, please excuse me.” _

Jiyeon stared at the phone uncomfortably after that, unsure what to think. Jumin Han had just wished her goodnight. 

_ Jumin Han. _

Was she dreaming?

Jiyeon shook her head. “This is getting me nowhere …” she mumbled, crawling out of bed. She had to navigate the room slowly to avoid stubbing her toe on anything. “I’ll just play some more Pokemon I guess.”

Which is how she found herself curled up on the couch, with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and the unfinished bag of chips at her side, at three in the morning. The light from the 3ds burned, despite being on the lowest setting, and she watched as her Incineroar used fire fang on Plumeria’s Golbat. 

She switched him out for her Vulpix—she was still thanking the person who had sent it through wonder trade; she loved the little thing to bits—and had her use Ice Beam.

It took the Golbat out immediately, and she switched Vulpix for Slowbro, using water pulse on Salazzle. After two more attacks the battle was over.

She played for another hour before returning to the bed, eyes tired. She’d have to play more in the morning … or maybe she could go back to breeding on Alpha Sapphire. She needed to hatch a good Bagon and Eevee already. 

_ … I left my Korean DS back at my apartment,  _ she realized with a sigh.  _ I only brought the American one. _

She’d have to go back to get it in the morning or something—leaving at this time of night would be stupid. As suicidal as she was, Jiyeon had no desire to be kidnapped or raped. She wanted her death to be on her own terms—not someone else's’.

As she lay there, staring up at the ceiling, Jiyeon felt the itch.

It hadn’t bothered her in a few days—she’d satisfied it when it came around, days ago, and had been waiting for it to return. It was inevitable; she realized that.

It didn’t mean she had to like it.

She tossed and turned, her stomach growling as she struggled to find a comfortable position, and after nearly ten minutes of it Jiyeon gave up and left the room again, unplugging her phone and heading into the kitchen.

But when she reached the fridge, she hesitated.

_ Just because it’s 4am doesn’t mean you’ll gain weight if you eat this late,  _ she reminded herself.  _ It doesn’t. You’ll have food weight in your stomach, but it won’t be real. It’s OK. It’s OK. _

Jiyeon removed an apple and turned it over in her hand. She’d forgotten the food scale at her house; she’d have to grab it when she went back for her other DS. She could estimate the apple’s weight, sure, but …

It had to be precise. She couldn’t just  _ guess. _

But she was hungry.

It was with those two thoughts that Jiyeon found herself seated at the island, rolling the apple on the counter as she gazed at her phone. She opened up the RFA app, tapping into the texts and gazing at the contacts listed.

No one would be awake at this time; if she sent a message, Jiyeon knew she’d just agonize over the silence until she worked herself into an anxiety attack that would only be relieved when the person in particular responded.

She knew that.

So then why the hell was she typing out a message, to Seven of all people?

> _ [What do you do when you want something, but can’t have it?] _

No … too vague. She erased it and tried again.

> _ [Have you ever wanted something that you couldn’t have?] _

No, that was just as bad—of course he’d have experienced that. She would sound like an idiot if she sent that kind of text to him.

> _ [I’m hungry. But I can’t bring myself to eat.] _

She cracked a smile at that one, even as she erased it like she had the previous two. Too much information. She couldn’t get comfortable here—eventually, the RFA would realize she wasn’t made for this. And when that happened, they would get rid of her, and Jiyeon would finally be free to die like she planned all along.

_ But can I really bring myself to do it? _

She had tasted the fear once already, felt how it suffocated her and ripped all the air from her lungs. Felt it scald her skin and eyes and jump-start her nerves until she could barely  _ focus _ , much less kill herself.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I don’t know what to do.] _

She stared at it dully, not moving to erase it but not moving to send it, either. 707 … he was strange. Jiyeon didn’t understand him.  He could be cold and straight to the point; he’d shown her that the first night. But he could also be lighthearted and playful, as she saw in the chat rooms. He could switch back and forth effortlessly.

But which one of those was him?

“I’m making this too complicated,” she told herself, placing her phone down and laying her head on her forearms. “Normal people don’t get stuck like this. Seven is normal … there’s no point in comparing myself to him.”

She swung her legs, letting her toes graze against the foot-bar as she raised her head. Then, before she could back out, Jiyeon pressed the  _ send  _ icon for the text.

She watched as it popped up in the text screen, the time stamp burning into her eyes. 4:37 am. It’d  probably be a good few hours before Seven even saw the message. She doubted he’d reply.

Jiyeon hopped off the stool and went to get her mug, filling it with water. She heard her phone buzz against the counter top and her heart jumped into her throat in surprise.

_ It’s not him. _

Yet, as she placed the cup down and unlocked her phone, she saw  that it was, in fact, him.

> **_707:_ ** _ [whats up] _

Jiyeon chewed her lip nervously. She hadn’t expected a reply, much less one almost  _ immediately. _ Why the hell was Seven up at this time of night?

_ He’s a hacker,  _ she thought, with a sigh.  _ Probably doing … whatever it is hackers do. _

_ I’m probably distracting him. _

Her stomach burned as she typed out a quick response.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [nothing] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [sorry, I didn’t mean to text you that.] _

She watched tiredly as a response appeared on the screen.

> **_707:_ ** _ [u sure?] _

Jiyeon squeezed her eyes shut.  _ Don’t do this,  _ her brain ordered.  _ You’re only going to make him mad. You’ve only known him for a day. _

He didn’t care, he couldn’t care after such a short period of time. People who had known her for years didn’t even care about her; why would a stranger?

Jiyeon laughed, letting her phone rest on the counter as she pressed her hands to her eyes.  _ I’m so pathetic,  _ she realized, when tears pooled in her eyes.  _ I really am pathetic. _

The sob ripped through her body before she could stop it and she clamped a hand over her mouth to muffle the ones that followed. Her shoulders shook under the weight of her tears and Jiyeon felt it building.

Just like it had been earlier.

Her phone buzzed again and she blinked past tears to read the message.

> **_707:_ ** _ [ur up pretty early] _

Jiyeon picked her phone up, hands shaking, and typed out a response.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [couldn’t really sleep] _

She was imposing. She was being a  _ bother and she needed to stop. _

Jiyeon grit her teeth and moved to the bathroom. She stared at the box. It sat next to her pills, in the same place she put it yesterday.

She opened it carefully and stared at the blades inside. There were three of them—the other two were still at her apartment.

_ I don’t want to do this,  _ she thought to herself as she picked up one of the razors with trembling hands.  _ But I don’t know what else to do. _

She gripped the blade in her hand and left the bathroom, heading back to the island. Jiyeon placed it down, next to her mug, and glanced at her phone screen once again

> **_707:_ ** _ [excited?] _

Jiyeon would’ve laughed if she could. Instead, she just smiled bitterly. 

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [um] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [honestly, no.] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [but it doesn’t matter.] _

The blade taunted her. Begged her to use it—it had been nearly a  _ week and the itch was just. so. strong. _

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [why are you up so late?] _

Jiyeon texted it before Seven could respond to her previous three, too anxious to leave it on that note. She didn’t want to overstep.

> **_707:_ ** _ [lol] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [I’m a hacker, I’m up at all hours of the day~] _

She rolled her eyes.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [so you didn’t sleep yet either?] _

_ Buzz. _

> **_707:_ ** _ [npoe] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [nope] _

Jiyeon sighed, eyeing the blade. Her arms itched. Her legs itched, everything  _ itched and she couldn’t fucking scratch it. _

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [do you have a good diet?] _

She wasn’t sure what prompted that question; almost immediately the girl wanted to take it back. But it was too late—it had already been sent.

Jiyeon was probably distracting him. She had to be—that’s all she did. Distract people. She wasn’t of any use  _ except  _ as a distraction, and even then she wasn’t really of use. Just … something that existed.

_ What a pitiful existence. _

> **_707:_ ** _ [lol] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [depends on what u consider a good diet.] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [I eat what I like but it’s not really the healthiest foods] _

Jiyeon dragged one leg onto the chair and rested her free arm over her knee, resting her head in the crook of her elbow.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I see] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [um …] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I’m similar. my diet is pretty poor because I’m a picky eater.] _
> 
> _ - _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [hmmmm] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [u shouldn’t be picky with ur food] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [u never know when u won’t get it.] _

She frowned. Why did it feel like he was scolding her …?

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [you sound like my mom lol] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [she always tells me not to be picky, too.] _

A minute passed. Then two, and eventually five—and by then Jiyeon was so nervous she felt like she would throw up.

Had she said something wrong? She reread the messages but couldn’t seem to figure out where she messed up; was it when he asked about his diet? Or was it before then?

_ Why can’t you just do anything right,  _ she berated herself. Her cheeks were wet with tears.  _ This is exactly why you have to punish yourself. _

She fingered the razor, swinging her feet slowly and letting them bump against the foot-stand. 

_ I don’t want to do this. _

Yet she did it anyways.

****** Before she knew it her sleeve was rolled up, bunched around her shoulder as tightly as it could go—and the blade was sliding against the skin of her shoulder. It stung and she watched silently as blood trickled from the shallow wound, running down her arm until it dripped to the floor.

She moved to the inside.

The cuts were white on the inside before they were flooded with blood and Jiyeon’s eyes slipped closed as she clutched the blade. Four cuts. Four cuts, for four mistakes—that was how many she’d counted in her conversation with Seven.

Blood had dribbled onto her pajama pants but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Rika’s apartment had its own  _ washing machine.  _

She moved to the bathroom to put the blade away. While in there, Jiyeon tore off a long strip of toilet paper and folded it until she could press it to the wounds.

It stung. But she deserved it.

_ You’re so stupid. _

By the time she returned to the kitchen at least ten more minutes had passed. The toilet paper had become stuck to the wound and Jiyeon sighed as she removed it, watching the blood once again form. ******

This wasn’t going to work.

She rolled her sleeve down and simply left the wounds to bleed themselves shut, too tired to bother stopping them like she should. It wouldn’t really matter; they were shallow. A reminder to not mess up again.

Her phone’s light blinked and she turned the screen on and saw another message from Seven.

Despite herself, Jiyeon’s heart jerked.

She hated it.

> **_707:_ ** _ [smart lady] _

Unsure how to respond, Jiyeon stared at the text for a moment longer before pressing her hand to her upper arm. When she pulled it away she wasn’t shocked to see the blood smeared across her fingers.

She simply walked over to the sink and washed it off.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I think I’ll try to head to bed now] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [thanks for talking to me.] _

Jiyeon began the walk back the bedroom, glancing down at her phone when it vibrated.

> **_707:_ ** _ [anytime^^] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [sleep well] _

* * *

After talking to Zen about his cat allergy and receiving another potential party guest, Jiyeon made another trip back to her apartment that resulted in her Korean DS and charger, food scale, ps4, and three more games being shoved into her bag. The walk back had been torturous and more than anything else Jiyeon wished she could drive.

But her parents had forbid her—they would pay for her bills, her food, electronics, and her school, but not for a car.

But she understood.

Jiyeon knew she was too irresponsible to be given a car. After the hellish teen years she’d put them through, she couldn’t blame her parents. They were only looking out for her.

Still, bringing an entire ps4 all that way was tiring. Jiyeon all but collapsed onto the couch, only remembering to carefully place her bag on the floor before doing so. Her chest was pounding painfully fast and for a second she was afraid she was going into cardiac arrest.

_ Don’t be dramatic,  _ she thought to herself as she gasped for air.  _ You’re fine. _

She pulled her phone out as a distraction, watching as Seven filtered into the chatroom. Breathing in deeply Jiyeon tapped in as well, blinking a few times to clear her suddenly blurry vision.

She hoped she wouldn’t regret this.

> 707: So dayum tired.
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: Anyone there?
> 
> 707 Respond
> 
> 707: Mayday Mayday!
> 
> Jiyeon: kwigfns
> 
> 707: Oooh
> 
> 707: A survivor!!
> 
> Jiyeon: wassup meow

Immediately she wanted to hit herself— _ why did she say that!? _

Seven seemed amused, thankfully, though she wasn’t sure if his amusement was directed at her or because of her. Or if there was even a difference between the two.

But her mood soured a bit at his next message.

> 707: Nothings been bothering you I’m sure?
> 
> 707: Ever since you entered RFA, I mean lol

Jiyeon grit her teeth. Was he going to humiliate her, now? For giving into her weaknesses and texting him at 4 in the morning—she wouldn’t blame him. It was foolish of her. She deserved to be humiliated; she distracted him, after all.

> Jiyeon: don’t worry aboutit
> 
> Jiyeon: :3
> 
> 707: lol
> 
> 707: Well, u r stuck in a weird situation,
> 
> 707: wouldn’t be surprising if u were bothered by it.
> 
> 707: …
> 
> 707: I checked one last time

707: whether u had anything to do with the hacker.

Although she knew she didn’t, Jiyeon felt fear rise in her throat. What if the hacker had framed her? Purposely implanted evidence to make it look like she’d come to the RFA with malicious intent?

If there was ‘proof’ of this, she was doomed. There was no way she’d be able to argue that it was false.

> 707: but …
> 
> 707: drum roll please!

Jiyeon didn’t type anything.

> 707: uh
> 
> 707: ok
> 
> 707: But ur clean!
> 
> 707: 

The relief that went through her was unparalleled.

> Jiyeon: but you’re not done searching, right?
> 
> 707: Yup.
> 
> 707: I’m still trying to look up anything on the hacker
> 
> 707: but to tell u the results so far
> 
> 707: the hacker that led u to the apartment
> 
> 707: doesn’t seem to have any distinct qualities … 
> 
> 707:  **So I think it’s safe to say that you are completely safe.**
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jiyeon: Thanks, Seven.
> 
> Jiyeon: :3
> 
> 707: Ooooh
> 
> 707: compliment
> 
> 707: !
> 
> 707: Yup, I’ll try harder!
> 
> 707: I’ll defend RFA’s peace!
> 
> 707: But lol
> 
> 707: While Zen’s looking for the allergy clinic researcher,
> 
> 707: he should get some allergy meds lolol
> 
> 707: I remember that his allergy acted up really bad
> 
> 707: at the last RFA party.
> 
> 707: I remember it very clearly.
> 
> 707: I’m sure I have a photo of it somewhere … 
> 
> Jiyeon: Do you take pictures of yourself?
> 
> 707: !?
> 
> 707: are you … asking for a selfie!?

Jiyeon’s eyes widened and she breathed in sharply. She messed up again. Quickly typing out an apology, she attempted to explain only for Seven to move on completely from the topic. Unsure what to do, Jiyeon just went with the flow; somehow she found herself talking about cats with Seven.

It … wasn’t unpleasant.

And she learned he had a maid from that discussion, which was shocking. How rich was he if he had a maid around?

> Jiyeon: Your maid sounds fierce …
> 
> 707: Yup.
> 
> 707: My maid lol
> 
> 707: He came from the UK
> 
> 707: Luv his accent lol
> 
> 707: And literally, he cleans the whole house
> 
> 707: and disappears in the blink of an eye
> 
> 707: Anyhow, can’t ever
> 
> 707: raise Maid Vanderwood’s pay;;
> 
> 707: For now, I should just live a humble life with my babies.
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jiyeon: Babies?

A photo was sent and Jiyeon’s eyes widened when she saw the numerous cars. Were these all his? How the hell … 

> Jiyeon: Um. Wow …
> 
> Jiyeon: this is really extravagant;;;
> 
> Jiyeon: meanwhile, I can’t even drive
> 
> 707: !?
> 
> 707: Aren’t u 19 though?
> 
> Jiyeon: Yeah
> 
> Jiyeon: But my parents don’t trust me to drive, and because I live within an hour of my uni they don’t see the point in buying a car for me.
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: An hour?
> 
> 707: U walk an hour to class every day?
> 
> 707: 

Jiyeon blinked. Was he really surprised? She supposed that, since he had a car, he probably wouldn’t understand, but … was an hour really so long?

She’d grown used to it over the last year and while she hated exercise, it had to be done.

> Jiyeon: dw
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m used to it lol
> 
> 707: hmm
> 
> 707: ok
> 
> 707: Well!
> 
> 707: although I can’t have a cat,
> 
> 707: I’m happy with my babes lol
> 
> 707: No extra cost
> 
> 707: but with all the fun
> 
> Jiyeon: naisu
> 
> Jiyeon: Kill two birds with one stone.
> 
> 707: Wow!
> 
> 707: U totally get me!
> 
> 707: So cool!!
> 
> 707: 

They both headed off soon after that and Jiyeon glanced at the empty chip bag that was still on the coffee table from earlier. She unloaded her things from the bag and brought the food scale over to the kitchen, standing on her tiptoes to search through the cupboards—she cursed her height for the uptenth time.

Why did she have to be so  _ short? _

Finally, after a bit of searching and scaling the counters, Jiyeon managed to find a small plate and a knife in one of the drawers. She peeled off the skin of the apple she’d left out first, taking care not to cut her finger open while doing it, and then cut the apple in to twelve even pieces.

Then she placed the empty plate onto the scale, turned it on, and waited for it to calibrate to zero.

_ 105g _

She noted it down in her phone before turning off the scale and moving back to the couch. Her American DS was still resting on the cushion from where she’d left it earlier and she removed her Korean DS from her bag, placing in Alpha Sapphire and starting it up.

A call from Yoosung broke up the monotonous cycle of biking and hatching eggs and also earned her another potential guest. Jiyeon sighed, staring at the emails in the mailbox. How did she even go about talking to these people? Much less convincing them to attend.

Her apple plate was empty by now and she brought it to the sink, washing it lightly before placing it in the drying rack. After a moment of consideration, during which her stomach clenched painfully, Jiyeon decided to cut up another apple before attempting to email the guests.

More biking, more eggs hatching. None of them had the stats she wanted; Jiyeon wasn’t even sure how that was possible. Over the past five hours she’d been doing this, only one— _ one  _ Bagon was both female and possessing the IVs she wanted.

One.

And when she’d moved onto hatching Eevee eggs, halfway through those five hours, the results had been similar.

RNGesus really hated her today.

She watched Seven tease Jumin and couldn’t help but smile despite herself, even getting involved with it to some extent. Despite being the CEO-in-line for one of the largest and most influential companies in South Korea, Jumin wasn’t nearly as intimidating as Jiyeon thought he’d be.

He was awkward, sure. But not unkind, even if he appeared that way. He just … didn’t seem to understand how to properly empathize and express emotions.

Which she understood. She understood it well.

> Jumin Han: I think you both have caught something.
> 
> Jumin Han: Do you want me to recommend you a doctor
> 
> 707:  **No!**
> 
> Jumin Han: Ridiculous that you’d waste energy on asking these useless questions.
> 
> Jumin Han: Why don’t you use that time to sleep?
> 
> Jiyeon: What's sleep?
> 
> 707: lololololol

Seven seemed more hyper than usual, which Jiyeon didn’t know was possible. Even Jumin pointed it out—was this what a lack of sleep did to the man? Or was it really all that caffeine and sugar from his Ph.D Pepper?

_ Wish I could have that much energy,  _ she thought to herself, saving her game and finally turning the electronic off. She placed it beside her American DS.  _ My eyes feel so heavy. _

> **Jumin Han has left the chat room.**
> 
> Jiyeon: What about you, Seven?
> 
> Jiyeon: You tease Jumin about not having a girlfriend, but have you ever had one?
> 
> 707: Me?
> 
> 707: Me!?
> 
> 707: Hahaha. I’ve already been married.

Jiyeon blinked a few times, a bit of her drowsiness evaporating as she read that. Wasn’t he only  22, though? How could he have already been married?

… Did he have a wife?

She pretended that her stomach didn't twist in discomfort at that thought.

> Jiyeon: You’re married?
> 
> 707: Yup.
> 
> 707: Don’t be surprised.
> 
> 707: My wife is the one and only!!
> 
> 707: Binary numbers!!

She’d deny it to anyone who asked, buy Jiyeon felt a bit of her tension lift away.

> 707: Gahh
> 
> 707: ;;
> 
> 707: So this is how Jumin felt.
> 
> 707: I should
> 
> 707: go back to work
> 
> 707: as the top secret agent now.
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: I wanna talk moreeee
> 
> 707: so fun hanging out with uuuuuuuuu

Jiyeon giggled, feeling almost giddy from his words.  _ What’s wrong with me?  _ She wondered as she typed back her response.  _ I shouldn’t be so happy. _

> Jiyeon: aw
> 
> Jiyeon: You have to go?
> 
> 707: I really don’t wanna go either.
> 
> 707: But if I don’t listen to my boss
> 
> 707: he might handcuff me 
> 
> 707: to the desk T_T
> 
> Jiyeon: I mean … if you’re into that.
> 
> 707: lol
> 
> 707: I’d rather handcuff someone than be handcuffed
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: anywayz
> 
> 707: I’ll go protect world peace now.
> 
> 707: See u later!
> 
> 707; Have a good evening >_<
> 
> **707 has left the chat room.**

Jiyeon stared at the chat for a long moment before exiting back, mind reeling as she took in his words.

_ That’s not flirting, is it?  _ She frowned, crossing her ankles as she leaned back into the couch.  _ No. He’s just being how he usually is. _

She closed her eyes for a few moments, too tired to keep them open any longer—only to be pulled back when she felt a call come through. She blinked, but answered it regardless.

“Jumin?” Jiyeon greeted. Hadn’t he just been in the chat room?

_ “Yes. It’s me, Jumin Han. I called just to see how you are doing. You sound fine, so I guess I can hang up.” _

Jiyeon blinked. “What? Wait, don’t hang up yet—!”

_ “Hmm? Oh …  if you’d like to talk longer, I’ll try coming up with a discussion topic. But my topics can be boring. … Let’s see.” _

_ “My nutritionist explained to me the importance of Vitamin D. I already know this, but I’ll explain it just for you.”  _ Jiyeon opened her mouth, intending to tell him he didn’t have to, but he was speaking before she even got the chance.  _ “Vitamin D catalyzes calcium absorption and strengthens our bones and immune systems. But,”  _ he continued,  _ “this vitamin will only be synthesized when our skin is exposed to sunlight. So unless you take vitamin pills, why don’t you open your window and sit under the sun for awhile? Or you can go out.” _

She blinked a few times. “Um … Jumin? You realize that it’s cloudy today, right?” She asked. “But … actually, nevermind … UV rays still shine through the clouds.”

_ “Yes. You’re correct.” _

Jiyeon hummed. “Um …”

_ “ … Are you bored by this conversation?”  _ Jumin questioned.  _ “Let’s see … I once saw a science fiction movie about a person who burns under the sunlight. It wasn’t really my taste, though.” _

“You don’t like vampire movies? Or is it science fiction you dislike?”

Jumin replied,  _ “I value stories based on imagination, but unless there is a lesson applicable to reality, I consider it pointless.” _

_ “However Luciel, who saw the same film … was very inspired by it and made a fuss about finding a magic cream that not only blocks sunlight but also converts it to superpowers. He went on about using the cream .... so that he can change water to fuel. He said he’d put water in his car from now on. But after he found out the truth … he just purchased a car that runs solely on solar energy.” _

She nodded. “Helping the environment is always good. There’s enough pollution being released by cars already … no need to add another one on top of it all.”

Jumin agreed.  _ “I have gone off topic … come to think of it, I assume you had lunch too? My explanation on vitamin D is only valid under the assumption that you eat three regular meals every day.” _

Jiyeon winced. “Yeah,” she lied, standing up and wandering around the kitchen. “I don’t eat as fancy as you, but I eat when I need to.”

_ “That’s good. If you skip meals or don’t get enough sleep, no matter how much vitamin C you intake, it will not be absorbed properly.”  _ Jiyeon removed one of the clementines from the fridge, sandwiching the phone between her ear and shoulder so she could begin to peel the skin away. _ ”Since you are our guest coordinator, I appreciate you caring for your health.” _

She hummed in agreement but said nothing. Jumin was silent for a moment before finally saying,  _ “... I have some work to go take care of so I must go. I hope you have a good day. Good bye.” _

The girl took note of the weight of the orange, logged it into her phone, and began to eat, noticing that it had in fact been over an hour since the chat with Jumin and Seven. Somehow, she had managed to get at least a little bit of sleep.

* * *

_ “I suppose that is your choice, so I can’t stop you … but I suggest you get something before dinner rolls around,”  _ Jaehee suggested as Jiyeon worked on connecting her ps4 to the television in the living room.  _ “Your health is important; you may hurt yourself if you don’t eat regularly.” _

_ “Oh—it’s always good to do a bit of exercise after eating.” _

She blinked in surprise. “Really? My mom said the opposite … said you burn more fat and calories if you don’t eat before working out.”

_ “That is a myth, actually,”  _ the woman explained.  _ “Your body needs to have fuel for the work out, so it’s important to eat at least something before exercising. In fact … I may have a very busy schedule myself, but I try to walk around reading some documents after I eat. I can’t continue to work if I don’t have good strength.” _

Jiyeon shrugged. She made it through plenty of semesters while restricting her food intake and not exercising—different things for different people, she supposed.

_ “At times, although very rarely, I go to the gym to do judo.” _

“Wait … you do judo?”

_ “Yes. I learned since I was in high school. Of course, it is only a hobby. The euphoria that comes from a shoulder throw …!”  _ Jaehee cut herself off, seeming embarrassed.  _ “Ahem … I apologize. I got a bit too excited there. But Judo is a very good sport for relieving your stress and maintaining your mental health.” _

_ Mental health, huh … if only it was that easy. _

_ “Oh … my break is already over,”  _ Jaehee stated, her tone dropping a bit.  _ “I must finish typing up this document and start on something else.” _

Jiyeon nodded. “I won’t keep you, then. It was nice to talk, Jaehee.”

_ “Yes. I will call you again later.” _

* * *

_ “I hope I didn’t wake you,”  _ Jaehee began, and Jiyeon quickly shook her head.

“No, it’s fine. I haven’t slept yet,” she explained.

Jaehee sighed.  _ “I’m glad to hear that. How was your day today? It is the second day since you joined the RFA.” _

Jiyeon thought about that question. The day had started off horribly—no sleep, fresh cuts, and no energy to make food leading to her subsiding off of fruit and chips. Jiyeon knew she should probably have at least gone out and bought something proper to eat, but she was exhausted.

“It … could’ve been better,” she admitted. “I didn’t sleep well.”

_ “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there something in particular that bothers you?”  _ Jaehee questioned. 

Jiyeon leaned back, pulling the covers up higher so that they rested at her waist. “Um … it’s just because of the new environment,” she mumbled. It wasn’t a complete lie. “It’s weird to sleep in a stranger’s apartment.”

_ “Ah … I see. You have brought some of your things from your apartment over, right?” _

Jiyeon hummed in agreement and Jaehee continued with,  _ “Perhaps it would be a good idea to bring some blankets or pillows as well, so that you can sleep comfortably.” _

“I would, but it’s a forty five minute walk each way,” Jiyeon explained with a sigh. “All I’d really want to bring is my giant stuffed tiger, a few plushies, and one of my comforters, but I couldn’t drag that all the way back here.”

_ “Hm … perhaps you could call a cab, then. Or, you could request for Mr. Han to provide a ride to the apartment.” _

“Would he even do that?” She asked incredulously. “Actually … not just would he, would he even be allowed to? I thought that Rika’s apartment was top secret and classified.”

_ “Possibly, if there’s a park or other landmark close by, you could be dropped of there. I’m sorry I can’t be of much help,”  _ she apologized, and Jiyeon quickly reassured her that it was fine.  _ “I’m sure you can find a solution.” _

“Yeah … I’ll figure it out,” she agreed. “What about you, Jaehee? How are you doing?”

_ “Me?”  _ Jaehee seemed surprised, but she quickly recovered.  _ “I am doing fine. Today was tiring, but I know that because I worked hard today that there will be less work tomorrow.” _

_ “Or at least … I hope.”  _ She sighed.  _ “Mr. Han is always coming up with new projects, no matter how ridiculous they may be, and I am tasked with handling them.” _

Jiyeon nodded in sympathy. “Sorry to hear … it must be hard to work for him, huh?”

_ “It is more intensive than I expected, yes,”  _ she agreed,  _ “but I am paid well.” _

The girl noticed that Jaehee hadn’t fully answered the question, but let it go. It wasn’t her place to pry; that would only cause Jaehee to dislike her, and … as selfish as it was, Jiyeon didn’t want that to happen.

_ She’s so much older than me. Is this how I would be if I live to her age?  _ She wondered, chewing on her bottom lip.  _ It’s not like I’ll ever know, but …  _

_ “Oh … it is getting late; I will let you go, now. I hope that there is nothing but joy in our future,”  _ the business woman said softly.  _ “I look forward to working with you. Have a good night, Jiyeon.” _

She swallowed hard. “Night, Jaehee.”

Jiyeon lowered her hand from her ear, staring at the phone silently for a moment as the app faded back into view. After a long silence, she closed the app fully and launched Mobius, leaning back and raising one leg so it was bent.

Her arm was burning from the shower she’d taken just thirty minutes earlier and although Jiyeon was used to the burn, it still was uncomfortable.

_ But I deserved it,  _ she reminded herself.  _ When you’re selfish, you get punished. _

She used her stamina to go through the last part of the event, only to level up when she was one battle away from being done. Huffing, Jiyeon finished the last level and teleported to the lagoon to waste the ninety energy she’d just been given for leveling up.

Her toes curled beneath the blanket and although the heater was on, Jiyeon couldn’t seem to keep a comfortable temperature. It wasn’t cold, but she wasn’t exactly warm either.

Even wearing a long sleeve and sweatshirt she was still cold.

It was ridiculous.

Jiyeon put her phone down and exited the bedroom, adjusting the thermostat so it was a degree higher. Then she double checked that the vents were open—they were—before heading back into the bedroom.

_ If only I had a car … then I could bring my space heater over,  _ she thought with a sigh.  _ I guess I’ll just put on another jacket. _

It took her awhile to find one thin enough to wear comfortably underneath the sweatshirt, and when it did nothing to help Jiyeon resigned herself to being cold for the night. She’d go buy some tea or something in the morning so that at least she’d have something warm to drink.

It was past midnight when she felt messages begin to come in from the chat room. She checked, seeing only Yoosung in there, and contemplated whether she felt like joining or not.

She hadn’t participated in many of the conversations today; or yesterday, technically, since it was almost one in the morning. Jiyeon had felt too drained to do much of anything after the awful start of the day.

Reluctantly, she joined; Zen had come in as well. She observed their conversation and had to bite back a laugh when she saw that Yoosung’s depressed state was due to LOLOL being under maintenance.

> Jiyeon: Why don’t you study?
> 
> Yoosung: Stu
> 
> Yoosung:  **what?**
> 
> Yoosung:  **Haha …**
> 
> Zen: Tsk tsk … 
> 
> Zen: Guess you take that from me lol
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Jiyeon: Do neither of you study for your classes?
> 
> Yoosung: not really
> 
> Yoosung: I’d rather spread my wings and play LOLOL
> 
> Yoosung: Seriously, this is my time to shine T_T
> 
> Zen: Dude … stop being so sad.

Jiyeon sighed, resting her elbow on her thigh and propping her head up with the palm of her hand.  _ I must be the only one out of the three of us who really cares,  _ she thought with another sigh.  _ How ironic is it that the person who doesn’t expect to see the results of their hard work be the one working the hardest? _

> Zen: Did you even eat dinner Yoosung?
> 
> Yoosung: Honey Buddha Chips=Dinner.
> 
> Yoosung: haha
> 
> Zen: Yoosung ;;
> 
> Jiyeon: That's so unhealthy
> 
> Jiyeon: you’ll be short forever if you don’t eat properly.

Not that she was really one to talk about unhealthy eating habits … she probably—no, hands down had the worst eating habits out of all of them. Her figure was all the evidence she needed. If they really held the party and didn't get canceled ... Jiyeon wasn't sure what she would do. 

She hated her body. She didn't own fancy clothes; not just because of her self hatred, but also because it was hard to dress fancy while wearing children's clothes. There was no such thing as "mature" or "sexy" children's clothes ... thankfully.

Jiyeon didn't even  _want_ to be considered sexy, in any way. But how was she supposed to dress appropriately for a party when nothing appropriate would fit her? What would the rest of the RFA think when they saw her? Would they be disgusted? Mortified?

She shook away those thoughts.  _Now isn't the time for that._

> Zen: Exactly. Please eat proper meals.
> 
> Jiyeon: What about you, Zen? Do you eat properly?
> 
> Zen: Are you worrying about me?
> 
> Zen: Thanks.
> 
> Zen: I try my best, but  **I don’t have any vegetables**
> 
> Zen:  **or soup**
> 
> Zen:  **or any meat actually.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Zen ;; 
> 
> Yoosung: lolololol
> 
> Zen: I’m eating enough to keep me alive.
> 
> Jiyeon: How can you be a good actor without a good diet?
> 
> Jiyeon: You’ll be weak and malnourished if you don’t eat right.
> 
> Yoosung: Yeah, you should be the one taking care of yourself;; don't you work out daily?
> 
> Yoosung: to be honest, I don't feel like eating proper meals when I get stressed.

Jiyeon took a drink of water, keeping the mug in her free hand while she read through the messages and typed with the other. Her limbs were beginning to twitch uncomfortably and she tried switching positions, hoping it would help.

> Yoosung: I was supposed to play in teams with my internet friends right now.
> 
> Yoosung: I got through the whole day just waiting for this.
> 
> Yoosung: I feel so empty.
> 
> Yoosung: I’m going to get rid of this emptiness
> 
> Yoosung:  **with chips.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Try playing another game
> 
> Jiyeon: if you need any recommendations, I can recommend a few.
> 
> Yoosung: What games do you play, Jiyeon?
> 
> Jiyeon: Hmm
> 
> Jiyeon: Mobius FF and Pokemon take up a lot of my time.
> 
> Jiyeon: I recommend Mobius, it’s pretty fun and the developers are generous
> 
> Jiyeon: even if RNGesus has been screwing me lately lol
> 
> Yoosung: I know that feeling …
> 
> Yoosung: I spent so much money on LOLOL
> 
> Yoosung: 

Jiyeon giggled. The pressure on her chest wasn't as heavy following that action, but she could feel it creeping up on her and did her best not to panic and make the process faster.

> Jiyeon: go pray to RNGesus more
> 
> Jiyeon: Speaking of which, I should probably go sacrifice people.
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: Sacrifice!?
> 
> Jiyeon: lol
> 
> Jiyeon: only way to get good rolls these days
> 
> Zen: tsk tsk
> 
> Zen: You two with your games … what happened to being normal people?
> 
> Jiyeon: hey
> 
> Jiyeon: There’s nothing abnormal about playing games :/
> 
> Jiyeon: but, back on topic; Yoosung, you’ll survive maintenance. I promise.
> 
> Jiyeon: when I used to play Lineage, there were sometimes 5-6 hour maintenance periods
> 
> Yoosung: OMG
> 
> Yoosung: you don’t think lolol will take that long?;;
> 
> Yoosung: I don’t have enough chips to last.
> 
> Zen: It’s like Jiyeon said
> 
> Zen: If you keep eating things like that you won’t get taller. lol
> 
> Jiyeon: … are you bragging that you’re tall?
> 
> Zen:  **I’m not bragging, it’s the truth ;;**
> 
> Zen: You don’t like tall guys?
> 
> Jiyeon: I do >_<
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m really short, so it would be weird to date someone shorter than me. 
> 
> Jiyeon: How tall are you, Zen?
> 
> Zen: uh
> 
> Zen: 182cm?

Jiyeon nearly choked on her water. She had to put the mug down on the nightstand and cough a few times to clear her lungs before she could even respond. The twitching hadn't stopped, and now a heaviness had settled into her limbs as well. It was getting harder to ignore the fear creeping forward.

> Jiyeon: OMG
> 
> Jiyeon: you’re joking!???
> 
> Zen: ;;
> 
> Zen: is that bad?
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m
> 
> Jiyeon: only 157cm ;;
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: Why are we suddenly talking about height?
> 
> Yoosung: I grew 2cm from last year!
> 
> Yoosung: I’m still growing!
> 
> Jiyeon: don’t rub it in T_T
> 
> Jiyeon: I haven’t grown since high school.
> 
> Zen: Do you eat properly Jiyeon?
> 
> Ze : I bet you’ll grow more if you do.
> 
> Jiyeon: lol
> 
> Yoosung: Do you deserve to say that …? lol
> 
> Yoosung: All you consume is water and alcohol and you’re still tall lolol
> 
> Jiyeon: Wow … I’m so jealous.
> 
> Yoosung: right?
> 
> Zen: Gosh ;; that’s nothing to be jealous of ;;
> 
> Yoosung: I think you are just born with it.

Jiyeon exited out of the chatroom soon after when her panic and dread became too much for her to distract herself away from, despite the two men still talking among themselves, and she let her head rest against the side of her knee.

Her chest felt tight, her hands and legs were twitching and her heart pounding and smashing against her rib cage at a pace that couldn’t be healthy—and Jiyeon found herself struggling to breathe as it went on. She let her leg fall flat against the bed, pressing her forehead to the sheets while holding a hand over her heart.

It hurt—it  _ hurt she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t get enough air what was happening what’s happening—! _

She cried out, her voice shaking, and felt tears forming in her eyes. She’d felt weak all day, yes, but it was nothing compared to this. Before she’d had the energy to at least breathe but now it felt like each breath was a struggle, sucking away more and more of her energy as the seconds passed.

_ What did I eat today? An apple … clementine … chips?  _ She struggled to remember, grasping her phone tighter in her hand.  _ What about yesterday? _

She couldn’t remember. It was all in her phone but she could barely muster up the strength to keep upright, much less check her food logs.

Another heart murmur hit her and she grit her teeth, her entire body trembling under the force of it. 

Was she dying? Was this really how she was going to go?

Jiyeon laughed. It broke apart, dragged down by tears and other weaknesses that she loathed to admit. Her stomach was knotted up so tightly she thought she might throw up.

_ No,  _ she realized, when she tried to ease herself into a state of calmness,  _ this is just a panic attack. _

She wasn’t sure what triggered it; maybe the chest pains. She was always scared her heart would give out, one day, as a result of her starvation. It’d lasted this long, sure, but there was always an expiration date and she feared hers was growing closer.

Jiyeon forced herself upright, ignoring how her stomach was curled up into a ball and how there was a weight on her chest and suddenly it was just. too.  _ suffocating. _

Jiyeon realized that she was dressed in only pajamas. She realized that her phone was only at twenty two percent battery life—but every fiber of her being was telling her to  _ run, to escape to get out and she had to because she couldn’t breathe—! _

It wasn’t until the elevator doors were behind her and she was rushing out of the lobby that she felt even a semblance of tranquility in her body. The cold air bit at her skin but she didn’t  _ care. _

She wasn’t leaving. She wasn’t going to the bridge, she just—

_ She just needed space. _

It took a minute before Jiyeon realized she ran out without her shoes. Her socks were wet from snow she’d stepped on and she let her hands come up to her head as she leaned up against the wall of the building, breaths shuddering.

_ I don’t feel right. _

It took fifteen minutes before she finally calmed down, the knots unwinding and weight lifting off her chest, but by then she was trembling like a leaf from the cold. By the time she made it back to the apartment she felt lightheaded, and the second she walked in Jiyeon removed her socks and bunched them up into a ball.

She glanced at her medications when she entered the bathroom to brush her teeth, picking up one of the four bottles while waiting to spit out the mouthwash. She shook it a few times, listening to the pills rattle around in the bottle, and then twisted the safety cap off.

After spitting out the mouthwash Jiyeon shook two of the pills out, just like the dose said to, and stared.

_ I won’t make it if I don’t,  _ she told herself.  _ I’m getting worse. _

But in the end, she couldn’t. She was too afraid—afraid of getting better, of not being sick, because as much as she  _ loathed her weaknesses and emotions  _ she didn’t know what she would do if all of a sudden they weren’t there to taunt her. So she slipped them back into the bottle, twisted the cap back on, and left the bathroom without another word, pointedly choosing to ignore the way her hands were shaking.

At least she managed to tire herself out enough to fall asleep for a few hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback?


	4. Day 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to upload this yesterday but I got distracted playing games ... thanks to everyone who has left comments and kudos so far! I love knowing that people enjoy this work, since I do enjoy writing it. I hope you can continue to enjoy this story as it goes on!
> 
> things are kinda beginning to merge. Not too seriously but it's happening. The divergences will come later, though.
> 
> Trigger warnings for this chapter: Incredibly vague self harm. Noted with a ** underlined, but it's literally just mentioned in passing because of how Jiyeon's emotions are during that part.

Again, she found herself up—at five am.

_Why is my body doing this to me?_

Jiyeon sighed, rolling over and staring at the window. It was covered by blinds, but she could see a sliver of light filtering through the cracks.

She rolled over again, spreading her arms at her side and staring up at the ceiling. After a good minute of this the girl huffed, finally getting out of bed and moving towards the bathroom.

She started up the shower; unlike her own apartment, Rika’s apartment had a western style bathroom. It was jarring to see a bathtub and shower head everytime she came in, but Jiyeon supposed she’d gotten used to it to some extent.

The water scalded her skin and she winced as the water hit her still healing wounds. They’d scabbed over properly, despite her picking at them, and while the skin was still tender it wasn’t nearly as bad as yesterday.

Jiyeon had to sit down after a few minutes of the shower; her head was spinning too much and she didn’t want to risk falling.

“To wash my hair, or not to wash …” she sighed. “If I wash, I’ll just pull out more. But if I don’t, it’ll be flat.”

In the end, she went with washing it despite how much hair she pulled out in the process.

_It’s a wonder I’m not bald, yet._

After getting out she dried off and put her pajamas back on, keeping the towel over her shoulders so her hair wouldn’t get her shirt wet.

As she gazed into the mirror, Jiyeon fiddled with a strand of hair. “It’s getting long now …”

Her hair reached just below her collarbones, having grown out since she cut it last, and she ran the brush she found through it, sighing as more hair was pulled out from the action. Eventually she put it down and left the bathroom.

With nothing else to do, Jiyeon opened up the RFA app and saw that Yoosung was in the chat room by himself.

 

> **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Please tell me you haven’t been up this whole time?
> 
> Yoosung: oh
> 
> Yoosung: Hey, Jiyeon
> 
> Yoosung: No, I haven’t slept T_T
> 
> Yoosung: The maintenance ended at 3am and I’ve been playing ever since …

Jiyeon plopped down on the couch, crossing her legs criss-cross and leaning back into the cushions.

 

> Yoosung: Even worse, I have class in three hours
> 
> Yoosung:  

Jiyeon frowned. Sky University was on break right now, though. The spring semester didn’t even start until March—why was Yoosung still in class?

 

> Jiyeon: It’s break, though.
> 
> Yoosung: Oh …
> 
> Yoosung: I’m actually taking supplemental classes over the break
> 
> Jiyeon: how awful
> 
> Jiyeon: Yoosung, you should’ve just slept when you had the chance lol
> 
> Jiyeon: LOLOL would’ve been there after classes
> 
> Yoosung: I know!
> 
> Yoosung: But …
> 
> Yoosung: They released a new event T_T
> 
> Jiyeon: You’re hopeless lol

She chatted with him for a little bit longer before heading off. She moved into the bedroom to grab one of the blankets, wrapping it around her shoulders, before looking around the room. Jiyeon realized she still hadn’t gotten around to cleaning it and decided that she’d do it in the morning.

Rather than return to bed Jiyeon laid down on the couch and powered on the TV. The news channel was on and she quickly changed it, searching for some cartoon to watch, but when she came up with nothing she turned it back off with a sigh.

“I miss my piano,” she said aloud. “I wish I could’ve brought it.”

She played on it when we went back to her apartment the second time and for a bit, she felt all of the pressures and unease lift off her chest. It hadn’t lasted long—no, by the time she reached Rika’s apartment again the anxiety had returned, but it was nice to feel better for a bit.

Not good, but better.

It was an improvement. It was just a shame Rika’s apartment didn’t have an electric piano as well; maybe Jiyeon would actually be able to eat and stay calm if she had the ability to vent her frustrations out through music.

She turned onto her side, feeling the hot air blasting out of the vents above her. It was warm, for once.

Finally.

* * *

After waking up again at eight Jiyeon went about cleaning the house, dusting off everything like she should’ve done the first day. She tried her best not to snoop around, despite her curiosity, but when she realized all the desk drawers were locked she frowned.

Suspicious, but not her business.

It took her an hour to finish and after a short break she headed into the kitchen to get something small to eat. It felt wrong—selfish to eat so early in the day, and Jiyeon was uneasy about it. But she was running on empty, with the current situation stressing her to the point where food wasn’t even a priority anymore, and she couldn’t keep going like this.

_What do I make, though?_

She’d bought a small amount of groceries her first day here, though most of it had been fruits and chips, but there were some fresh ingredients like eggs and rice. She’d even grabbed a small package of thin beef, specifically cut for bulgogi.

“That’s too heavy for breakfast, though,” she mumbled. “If I make that now, then I can’t eat until tonight. Or I could save half …”

Did Rika’s apartment even have a rice cooker, though? There wasn’t one on the counter.

She crouched down, searching through the cupboards for one, and was relieved when she found it neatly tucked away in the back of one of the bottom cupboards. She pulled it out with a huff, placing it on the counter.

 _Wow, this thing had to have been at least 200,000 won,_ the girl thought, as she opened the rice cooker to make sure that everything was in there. _Mine is so cheap compared to this._

She found the rice cup in another drawer and went about making the rice, dumping a single cup into the pot. After washing it a few times she put it back into the rice cooker and closed the lid, setting it on the white rice function. She wouldn’t eat it for a couple more hours, but it was always good to have rice ready so she didn’t need to wait.

With that done she left the kitchen, wandering into the bathroom to brush her teeth and hair. More of it was pulled out and Jiyeon ducked her head, struggling to tell if she was getting bald spots. It’d be mortifying if she was—her hair had always been thin and the rapid weight loss and low weight had only made it thinner and more brittle.

When she was finished she moved over to the living room, switching on the ps4. The TV, sensing input, automatically flickered on and switched to the port she'd plugged it into.

What to play, though …

Since she didn’t have Rika’s wifi password— _I should really get around to asking that—_ any online games were out, leaving her with either The Last of Us or Persona 5. Yesterday she'd played a bit of Persona, but it hadn't been as entertaining as she expected it to be. In the end, she settled for TLOU if only because she wasn’t feeling up to dealing with the socializing aspect of P5.

Jiyeon turned on the Korean subtitles despite understanding English fairly well, just to be sure she didn’t misunderstand anything, and started back up where she left off.

After playing for awhile she paused it for the chat room seeing that, for once, more than two people were already in there.

 

> **Jiyeon has joined the chat room**
> 
> Jumin Han: Welcome, Jiyeon.
> 
> 707: heyo
> 
> 707: Welcome to 707’s super, top secret
> 
> 707: badabadabadaba……
> 
> 707: Friendship club!
> 
> 707: Where we share our deepest secrets and talk about how mundane our lives are.
> 
> Zen: Geez;; what a way to welcome someone
> 
> Jiyeon: lol
> 
> Jiyeon: how do I join the club?
> 
> 707: Simple
> 
> 707: All u gotta do
> 
> 707: is
> 
> 707: can you guess it?

Jiyeon thought for a moment. Since he was joking around it would have to be something silly, right? What could she say that would work?

 

> Jiyeon: have a dark past that must be unlocked through ~friendship meters~
> 
> 707: Correct!
> 
> 707: let’s all welcome our new member
> 
> 707: U first, Zen
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: What do you expect me to do?
> 
> 707: Simply share a fact about urself
> 
> 707: Don’t be shy
> 
> 707: The juicer the better
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jumin Han: We have all been acquainted with each other already. However, I will play along.
> 
> Jumin Han: Jiyeon. You have said you enjoy cats?
> 
> Jiyeon: yeah

Jumin sent a picture of Elizabeth the 3rd, sprawled out on her back with her belly up, and Jiyeon grinned at the sight.

_She’s so cute._

 

> 707: OMG
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: Elly~~~
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: My love~
> 
> Jumin Han: **Call her by her proper name.**
> 
> Zen: ewfds
> 
> Zen: ;;;;asgh
> 
> Zen: Agh T_T get that thing out of here
> 
> Zen: I think my eyes are watering;;;;
> 
> Jumin Han: Do not call Elizabeth the 3rd a ‘thing’.
> 
> Zen: Then don’t post a picture of her while I’m in here!
> 
> Zen: Never talk
> 
> Zen: about cats
> 
> Zen: in my presence
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Jumin Han: Elizabeth the 3rd is welcome in this chat room just as much as you.
> 
> Zen: Shew’s a cat
> 
> Zen: Man I’m snee eezng!!!
> 
> 707: lololol

_… Those two really don’t get along, do they?_ She thought to herself with a sigh. She began typing out a reply to stop the two of them only to be interrupted by Zen’s message.

 

> Zen: Ugh;;;
> 
> Zen: Jiyeon, we’ve already been acquainted, but I’ll do it again
> 
> Zen: My birth name is ‘Hyun Ryu’ but you can just call me Zen.
> 
> Zen: Most people call me by my stage name now, so I’m used to being called Zen. V is basically the only person who calls me by my birth name.
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: That’s not juicy information.
> 
> 707: This is the friendship club.
> 
> 707: Ur not supposed to introduce well known facts about urself
> 
> Zen: Whatever.
> 
> Zen: I’d rather know about Jiyeon~
> 
> Zen: What’s your hobby? What’s your specialty?

Jiyeon thought for a moment.

 

> Jiyeon: I enjoy gaming, first of all. I also play piano, but since I’m at Rika’s apartment I haven’t had the chance to recently.
> 
> Jiyeon: As for my specialty … I don’t really know. I do know what I’m not good at, though.
> 
> 707: Got any secrets to share?
> 
> 707: our ears are open~
> 
> Jiyeon: lol
> 
> Jiyeon: you have to earn enough affection points in order to unlock my past
> 
> 707: Gasp!
> 
> 707: Is this …
> 
> 707: a dating sim!?
> 
> Jumin Han:  What are you going on about? 
> 
> Jumin Han: You seem especially hyper again today.
> 
> Zen: As much as I hate to agree with CEO-in-line, he’s right
> 
> Zen: You’ve been spazzing all morning.
> 
> 707: lol
> 
> 707: I guess I had too much Ph.d Pepper again
> 
> 707:

She went to say something, a grin already stretched across her face, only for the screen to suddenly glitch out. Uneased, her smile fell as she watched the bright background fade away into what looked to be some kind of coding. She noticed everyone had left the chat room, and instead someone named ‘Ray’ had joined.

 

> Ray: Hi!
> 
> Jiyeon: Who are you?
> 
> Ray: Don’t worry about who I am^^
> 
> Ray: I just wanted to drop by
> 
> Ray: And say hello
> 
> Ray: Since I can’t see you in person.

Jiyeon felt a shiver crawl down her back. There was no Ray in the RFA, she knew that. So then how was he talking to her? And how had he kicked everyone out of the chat room?

_I need to call Seven._

 

> Ray: I think
> 
> Ray: It’ll be nice to get to know you.
> 
> Ray: I’d like to know who you are.
> 
> Ray: **After all, the savior has chosen you.**

Jiyeon didn’t reply; her hands were trembling too bad even try. Fear tightened around her chest, constricting her lungs and making it hard to breathe.

Was this another hacker? Was this the hacker who sent her here? No … that person’s name had been Unknown.

But who else could it be?

 

> Ray: I won’t keep you any longer
> 
> Ray: After all, I’m just supposed to be watching
> 
> Ray: But
> 
> Ray: I thought you’d be happy to meet me^^

Finally gathering the courage to type out her question, she did so.

 

> Jiyeon: Are you the hacker who sent me here?
> 
> Ray: Oh!
> 
> Ray: You remember! I’m so glad.
> 
> Ray: Are you enjoying your time with the RFA?
> 
> Jiyeon: Why did yousedn me to the chat?

She didn’t care that she was making typos; she was typing too quickly, her panic growing exponentially as the seconds ticked on.

 

> Ray: Haha.
> 
> Ray: Don’t worry about it.
> 
> Ray: After all, the savior chose you.
> 
> Ray: Oh … looks like I’ve lost track of time.
> 
> Ray: **I think I should go now.**
> 
> Ray: Don’t forget to eat lunch, Jiyeon^^
> 
> Ray: I’ll talk to you again.

The screen glitched out again, the codes disappearing from the background. Jumin, Zen, and Seven entered soon after, and immediately Jiyeon typed out a frantic response. 

 

> Jiyeon: The hacker came.
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: **What?**
> 
> 707: **Is that what the attack just now was?**
> 
> Zen: Wait, hacker? The hacker came in here?;;; Why couldn’t we see it?
> 
> Jumin Han: Luciel. This has never happened before.
> 
> 707: No, it hasn’t
> 
> 707: Sry
> 
> 707: Gtg chkec this out
> 
> 707: laterz
> 
> **707 has left the chat room**
> 
> Zen: Did that really just happen;;
> 
> Jumin Han: It appears so.
> 
> Jumin Han: Jiyeon. Are you alright? What did the hacker say to you?

Jiyeon hesitated. None of what that ‘Ray’ person had made any sense. Savior? Being chosen? She didn’t _understand._

 

> Jiyeon: He said that his ‘savior’ chose me for the RFA. I don’t know what it means, honestly.
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: Savior?
> 
> Jumin Han: It appears the situation is more complex than anticipated.

Jiyeon looked up at the TV, where Ellie was standing waiting for her to keep moving, and suddenly had no urge to continue—with both the game and the chat room 

 

> Jiyeon: Sorry
> 
> Jiyeon: Not feeling too well. I’m going to leave first.

She exited from the chat, exhaling shakily. Her hands trembled, nerves making her movements jittery and jerky. She laid her phone down on the floor and pulled her knees to her chest, looking around the empty room.

No one was there but her, but the feeling of being watched was powerful.

“I’m fine … I’m fine,” she mumbled. “I’m gonna be fine. Seven will figure this out; he has to.”

Jiyeon looked around the room again, feeling vulnerable with the large windows lining the wall. What if that ‘Ray’ guy was watching her? Or ‘Unknown?’

Or were they the same people?

Jiyeon picked up her phone and moved towards the bathroom. There were no windows in there and she’d be able to stop anyone from coming in if she locked the door.

She sat down on the floor after locking the door, back leaned up against the door, and exhaled shakily. _What do I do?_ She wondered. _Should I call Seven? No … he’s checking out whatever just happened. I can’t distract him._

Vaguely, Jiyeon heard the rice cooker announce that it was done cooking, but her appetite was all but gone. Especially after Ray told her to eat—something was wrong with the entire situation.

Her phone vibrated in her hand but when she went to check it, she simply saw a text notification in the RFA application; for some reason, no name was displayed. She couldn’t even read the preview.

A chill went down her spine as she unlocked her phone and read the message. 

 

> _**8 &1%$331#:** [Do you like anyone in particular?] _
> 
> _**8 &1%$331#:** [Enjoy your fun while it lasts. I’ll come for you soon.] _
> 
> _-  
>  **Jiyeon:** [Who is this?]_

She waited for a response, but as the silence stretched on to ten minutes she resigned herself to the fact that she probably wasn’t going to get one.

Tears burned at her eyes and for the uptenth time in the last three days, Jiyeon wished she’d just jumped. She wished she hadn’t chickened out at the last minute and called Seven; if she had, then none of this would’ve happened. There wouldn’t be a hacker watching her. There wouldn’t be someone threatening to come and take her away. There wouldn’t be people trying to pry into her personality and make _friends with her._

_Why are they even bothering?_

She curled in a tighter ball, hiding her face in her knees. _They’re just going to be disappointed when they find out I’m not anything special._

_They’ll see how worthless I am in time. How selfish I am. How disgusting I can be._

Jiyeon sniffled, feelings tears at the corner of her eyes, and in that moment she hated herself even more than usual. She hated her weaknesses, she hated that she cried, she hated that she felt fear.

She hated that she longed for someone to tell her it would all be alright.

“I’m so stupid …” she whispered. “Why did I do this to myself?”

There was no answer to her question.

* * *

_“Beep, beep, beep. You have one percent battery left. Beep, beep, beep.”_

“Um … Seven?” Jiyeon mumbled, her free hand clenched into a tight fist as she fought back the nerves that were taking over her body. “What are you doing?”

 _“Beeeeeeep — charging disabled. Charging disabled.”_ Jiyeon’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. _“I wish I could just recharge myself like a battery.”_

He sighed. Jiyeon suddenly felt guilty about calling him in the first place. It’d been a little over three hours since the incident in the chat room, but he seemed to lack all of the energy he’d had earlier. “I—sorry,” she began, “you must be tired … I’m sorry to bother you.”

 _“No problem,”_ he waved her apology away, but she could hear the exhaustion in his voice. _“But I really do wish I could just plug myself into the wall and keep working … I have so much work. It’s endless. Ugh.”_ He groaned and Jiyeon could’ve sworn she heard the sound of flesh hitting a desk. _“My battery just died … I have no energy … I’d feel so much better if I could just take out my babe for a drive, but I can’t leave!!!”_

She jumped in surprise when he groaned again, her guilt only building with each word he spoke. “Oh … I guess now’s not the best time to ask if you figured out anything on the hacker then.”

She tried not to sound dejected, but Jiyeon was pretty sure she failed in that aspect.

Seven sighed again. _“... Don’t worry about it.”_ He paused before admitting, _“I can’t trace the IP of the email, first. And then there’s the fact that the servers went down randomly … you said that’s when he came in, right?”_

“Right,” she agreed. “And … I got a weird text message afterwards. I don’t know who from, because the name was glitched out, but …”

_“What did it say?”_

She pulled her phone away from her ear so she could move to look at the text message. After reading it over she repeated, “‘Do you like anyone in particular?’ and then …” she hesitated, her fear only rising as she attempted to repeat it “T-They—they said—”

 _“Hey, hey, relax there. Take some deep breaths. The Great Seven Zero Seven won’t let anything happen to you, so there’s no need to be afraid.”_ He lightened his tone a bit with those words and Jiyeon felt a bit of the fear lift off her chest. Not much, but a little. _“Rika’s apartment is probably the safest place for you to be right now.”_

Jiyeon nodded and swallowed hard. “I … alright. Y-Yeah. Yeah.” She took a deep breath before saying, “They said: ‘ Enjoy your fun while it lasts. I’ll—” her voice wavered, but she pushed on “I-I’ll come for you soon.’”

Tears returned as she repeated that last sentence, and Jiyeon paced around the kitchen. She’d finished cooking herself some food just a few minutes prior and while it was all set out and ready, she was too afraid to eat. For once, it wasn’t because of the calories.

 _“Hm … I see. So this hacker is for sure the one who sent you here, then,”_ Seven stated. _“I thought so, but this definitely proves it. Alright—thanks for the information, Jiyeon.”_

Her shoulders slouched, voice wobbling from her tears. “Will it even help at all?”

 _“Knowing they’re the same person means I don’t have to trace two different leads and expect them to lead to different people,”_ the hacker explained calmly. _“So try to cheer up a bit, OK? I’ll get to the bottom of this.”_

She wasn’t sure if he was trying to cheer her up or not, but either way she appreciated it. “T-Thanks,” she whispered. “Sorry for bothering you. I know you’re busy.”

 _“No need to apologize.”_ Seven paused, as if he was considering something, before he asked, _“How are you doing? Did you eat yet?”_

Jiyeon looked over at the food she’d made; she only had enough ingredients to make two side dishes, not including the kimchi she’d bought.

“I made food,” she explained, sniffling as she rubbed at her eyes in an attempt to clear the moisture there. “But I haven’t gotten around to eating it yet.”

 _“Make sure to do that; you can’t let your health decline, alright?”_ Jiyeon could hear a hint of … something in his tone. She didn’t know what it was; it didn’t seem like concern. Not to mention the exhaustion was still lingering in his voice. _“Do you snack throughout the day?”_

 _What’s with the sudden interrogation?_ She wondered, but answered regardless. “Not usually. I bought some snacks … chips, mostly. That’s my favorite. I like Honey Buddha Chips, but they’re so hard to find that I rarely get to eat them.”

Seven’s tone lightened. _“Aww, yeah! You’re the best—I have a lot of Honey Buddha Chips at home. I’d like to give you some … but the reality won’t let me. … That’s sad. Next time, I should participate in developing teleport technology …”_ he hummed before concluding, _“well, I’ll just save some for you now, so remind me later, okay? I’ll make sure to give you some.”_

Her eyes widened. “R-Really? But they’re so hard to get!”

Seven laughed. _“Like I said, I have a lot. A few bags won’t hurt.”_ He paused for a long moment and Jiyeon wondered if he’d hung up before his voice finally returned. _“Would you ever want to visit a space station?”_

“Like … in outer space?” she questioned.

_“Uh … yeah.”_

Jiyeon thought about the question for a few seconds before shrugging. “Sure, why not? It’d be fun. Why?

Seven laughed suddenly _“Oh—I_ _have lots of work to do, so I need to hang up.”_ Jiyeon frowned at the abrupt subject change. _“I can’t always take your calls right away because of it, so sorry about that. But. Um. Thanks for calling me. The information will help. So, anyways … have a good day!”_

He hung up with that and Jiyeon was left wondering if she’d messed up somewhere due to how suddenly he ended the call. Furrowing her brow, she decided to try not and worry about it anymore. Seven had said he was exhausted … he probably just wanted to get off the phone and work so he could rest.

It wasn’t because she’d done anything wrong. _It wasn’t._

_I didn’t mess up._

She ate her food slowly and tried to remind herself that everything would be alright. She read through one of the chat logs she’d missed, eyes widening when she saw that Jumin had requested for her to invite _Gordon Ramsay._ And that he’d already decided to ask the chef to send her an email.

Was she really going to be inviting a TV celebrity to the party?

She looked down at her food. _I wonder what Gordon Ramsay would think of my meal …_

Jiyeon shook her head. Now wasn’t the time to worry about something trivial like that. Did Gordon Ramsay even like Korean food? She’d watched a few of his youtube videos but never saw anything Korean inspired, so she wasn’t sure.

Would he even like the catering they did?

 _Why am I even considering this?_ She wondered, as she chewed on a piece of kimchi. Her rice was mostly forgotten about, but the bulgogi had been picked at and was half gone. The steamed eggplant was mostly gone by this point.

She kept reading, giggling to herself when she saw Seven teasing Jumin about possibly being gay. Despite being tired, Seven seemed to do his best to keep his appearances in the chat room upbeat.

As she was finishing the logs, Zen came in. 

 

> **Zen has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh, hi Zen
> 
> Zen: Hey~
> 
> Zen: Jiyeon.
> 
> Zen: I hope you’ve ate already?

Jiyeon rolled her eyes. As much as she loved her country, it irritated her to no end that pretty much everyone started off the conversation asking if the other person had eaten. Before her eating disorder developed it hadn’t been a bother, but now … it just lead to her having to lie. If she didn’t, then food would somehow just _show up there._ And then she’d be expected to eat it. 

 

> Jiyeon: Yup. I’m eating right now.
> 
> Zen: Good job.

She blinked. Was he praising her? 

 

> Zen: Both Seven,
> 
> Zen: and Yoosung…;;;
> 
> Zen: They should eat proper food.
> 
> Zen: Are they becoming more like me now?
> 
> Jiyeon: I have a bad eating schedule too, but I usually try to have one proper meal a day at the very least.
> 
> Jiyeon: Though I’m really bad at cooking …
> 
> Zen: I think that
> 
> Zen: if Yoosung would use the time he spends playing games to cook something, he’d be OK
> 
> Zen: And Seven … I think he needs someone to take care of him by his side.

She continued reading his messages, blinking a few times when she saw Jumin come in. Jiyeon prepared herself for a cat fight—or at least, some form of disagreement between the two men.

 

> Jumin Han: Jiyeon. It’s important to eat three proper meals a day. Only one is not enough to sustain you.
> 
> Jiyeon: Eh …
> 
> Jiyeon: debatable lol

She ate some more rice and bulgogi as she read, choosing to stay out of the argument that was brewing between Zen and Jumin. As much as she liked the both of them, they … had their differences.

Jiyeon felt a bit sad, realizing Zen was a runaway. It had to be hard to have no family to rely on—she loved her parents. They supported her so much, even when she deserved none of it; they were truly the kindest people she’d ever met.

Jiyeon left her food on the island, deciding to come back and finish it later in the day—maybe for dinner. She had some more bulgogi and kimchi in the fridge and the rice cooker was still on. Her weight had gone down again and Jiyeon was adamant about putting a stop to it. She’d barely made it through the semester with how bad her concentration had become, and if she was to host a party (and interact, daily, with other people) she couldn’t be dead on her feet.

Dropping down on the couch the teenager sighed as the argument once again broke out. Or one sided argument, at least. Jumin didn’t seem nearly as bothered as Zen did.

_… Wait, is that a fountain pen?_

 

> Jiyeon: Are those … diamonds on the end?
> 
> Jumin Han: They say that some crystals are so good these days that even professionals can’t tell the difference between them and real diamonds.
> 
> Jumin Han: There’s no secure evidence that it’s real, but I’m sure father paid the price for a real one.
> 
> Jumin: So I’m just going to think that it’s a real diamond and use it to sign contracts from now on.

She gained another party guest. How many was that now ? She couldn’t remember clearly, but the number was rising and they didn’t even have a date yet; she'd have to check later to see.

She talked to Zen for awhile longer after Jumin left, discussing his musicals and so forth until he had to leave for rehearsal, and only then did she let herself collapse back on the couch and close her eyes.

It was only three thirty … it was too early to sleep. If she napped, she’d definitely have trouble falling asleep again. But … her eyes burned from crying earlier and Jiyeon didn’t particularly feel like playing games or talking to anyone.

She’d talked to so many people in the last three days that she could feel herself burning out. To go from almost no interaction with others to talking every couple hours? It was a huge change and she didn’t know how to deal with it.

Ignoring the messages being sent into the chat room Jiyeon flicked through the folders on her phone, hesitating when she reached the application she’d been looking for.

The last time she logged in had been almost a week ago … the American Forum that she’d been perusing for the last three years had become both a comfort and nightmare for the girl.

In one way, it was comforting to be surrounded by other people suffering from eating disorders … considering how badly stigmatized it was in Korea. Her parents never saw past the fact that she _didn’t eat_ and took it as a kind of rebellion despite her attempts at explaining that it wasn’t that she didn’t want to—it was that she _couldn’t._ So to be surrounded by others, suffering from a disorder just like her and _understanding_ it.

But at the same time, it also fueled her eating disorder.

People gave her attention when she posted pictures of her body—whether it was just her outfit for the day, or a random body check she’d taken in the morning, people talked to her. She made friends.

She wouldn’t have made those friends without her disorder—would they leave if she got better? 

Jiyeon didn’t know. She didn’t want to know; she was terrified that, one day, she’d wake up and be shunned.

_You’re not sick enough to get better and the second you agree to getting better, you’ve already lost._

She signed back into the account with a heavy feeling on her shoulders and found her accountability thread. A few people had commented on there, those who followed her for whatever twisted reason, and she began to type out a half hearted update for them.

_—’Right now, I have a new job, or something similar to a job, since I’m not getting paid. I’ve met new people and I guess I could even say they’re becoming my friends. It’s a weird feeling; I’ve known them for three days and yet I feel closer and more comfortable talking with them than I do with most of the people I’ve interacted with lately._

_But the situation has stressed me out so much that my weight has fallen almost 600g in the past three days. I’m trying to up my calories but it’s so easy to just let food slip my mind. I’ve considered taking my meds even, just so that I can get through the days, but I’m too scared._

_It’s been almost three months since I last took any medication. I haven’t seen my therapist or medication doctor in over two months and I know I should soon. But it’s so far away. The walk would take me nearly 90 minutes each way and I’m scared of what they’ll say. I’ve lost so much weight the last two months that I’m starting to scare myself. Soon, I’ll have to meet these people I’ve started to befriend. Sometime in the near future; probably a couple months at max. I’ve already met one of them. I fear their reactions when they look at me._

_I really wish I’d just gone through with it like I planned, but I got scared. The water was so dark. It was so cold outside and in the end I chickened out, and I’m still chickening out. The thought of dying crosses my mind daily and I entertain the thought, but it isn’t the same as it used to be._

_Even worse, is I’m getting attached. These people … they haven’t yet realized how worthless of a human being I am. I’ve tricked them somehow and I feel so guilty about it. I know that the second they look upon me in person that they’ll realize they’ve made a mistake and … I dread it. I dread that day._

_Anyways … my updates may be slow. I have a good reason to be paranoid now about being watched. I hope he doesn’t see this. I hope he hasn’t seen this account yet.’_

She read over the update, reading over it a few times to make sure she hadn’t messed up the English at all before posting it. Then she sighed, exited the thread, and started going through a forum and reading up on what had been going on.

* * *

Jiyeon was reheating her leftovers from earlier when she felt her phone vibrate in her hand; when she realized it was V who logged in she immediately paused what she was doing, switching to the app and joining quickly. 

 

> **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jiyeon: V—you’re on!
> 
> V: Jiyeon. Hello.
> 
> V: I hope you’ve been well? I was reading all the previous messages. I’m glad you seem to be doing well here.
> 
> V: I apologize for not coming into this chat room often.
> 
> V: Have you had any trouble continuing Rika’s work?
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m doing my best
> 
> V: I apologize if I burdened you further.
> 
> **Zen has entered the chat room**
> 
> Zen: Huh? It’s V.

Apparently V had come in because he had some free time; the party date hadn’t been set yet, much to both Jiyeon and Zen’s frustrations, but she could understand. It had only been three days, after all; she just hoped that he’d figure out a date soon. It was hard to invite guests when they didn’t even know what day they’re going to be arriving.

 

> V: Luciel called me.
> 
> V: He told me to come look at the messages, so I took the time to come.
> 
> V: Also, surprisingly, I’ve been receiving calls from some of the previous party guests. They have asked me about the plan of the party.
> 
> Zen: **What?**
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: We didn’t even mention that we’re holding a party
> 
> Zen: and you’re already getting calls from them?
> 
> Jiyeon: Someone knows I’ve joined the RFA, then … and they know that I’m the coordinator of the party.
> 
> Jiyeon: It must have been Ray.
> 
> V: Ray?
> 
> Zen: Ray is the hacker that send Jiyeon here in the first place. He hacked the messenger earlier today and scared her.
> 
> Jiyeon: I think anyone would be scared ;; being told they’re going to be taken to see a ‘savior’ and that they’d been chosen
> 
> V: Savior?
> 
> Jiyeon: We’re thinking it’s that ‘Unknown’ guy, but I’m not sure why he changed his name if that’s him.
> 
> V: I see.
> 
> V: The reason why I need more time to set plans for the party is …
> 
> V: I want to start the work after we’ve secured Jiyeon’s safety as much as possible.
> 
> Zen: Yoosung is starting to get worried about the party
> 
> V: Yes, I’ve seen.
> 
> V: **However, be assured that we are definitely holding the party. Once Jiyeon’s safety has been confirmed I will set a date for the party.**

Jiyeon leaned further into the couch, sliding down so her head could rest against the cushions. She hated to admit it, but the whole situation had gone from scary to terrifying in the last two days. But she wasn’t sure if this kind of problem could be resolved anytime soon … catching that Unknown, or Ray, or whatever his name happened to be, would be difficult. 

 

> V: I’ll try to set the schedule regarding the party soon, so I hope everyone waits until then.
> 
> V: I’m sure it mustn’t be easy for you, but please understand, Jiyeon.
> 
> Jiyeon: It’s fine, don’t worry. Both you and Seven seem to be working hard for my sake … I appreciate it.
> 
> V: Yes, you’re right.
> 
> V: Luciel has been helping me greatly.
> 
> V: Hyun.
> 
> Zen: Yeah?
> 
> V: Thanks for worrying.
> 
> Zen: I’m not the only one …
> 
> Zen: Everyone feels the same way.
> 
> V: I’ll make sure to meet up to that trust.
> 
> V: No matter what happens.
> 
> V: I’ll have to try my best not to let everyone down.
> 
> Jiyeon: You can do it, V.
> 
> Zen: Have you found anything about the hacker guy who brought Jiyeon here?
> 
> V: Luciel is still looking into it.
> 
> V: I’ll tell you if we find anything.
> 
> V: Although nothing has been set …
> 
> V: I don’t think we can have a long time to prepare for the party.
> 
> V: Jiyeon isn’t used to this job yet and a large scale party would just be too much for her.

Jiyeon was inclined to agree; she was already struggling with emailing the handful of potential guests; hopefully there wouldn’t be too many of them; hearing V confirm it wouldn’t be a huge party took a weight off her chest. 

 

> V: I hope you don’t feel too pressured, Jiyeon
> 
> V: Everyone has been nice since you joined the RFA I presume?
> 
> Jiyeon: Yes; I really like talking with everyone. Seven is amusing to be around.
> 
> V: I’m glad you’re getting along with Luciel.
> 
> V: I have to leave now. I have dinner plans with Rui.
> 
> Jiyeon: Rui?
> 
> V: Oh. He’s a photographer I work with from time to time.
> 
> V: If possible, I’ll talk about the party too. He might be able to help us.
> 
> Zen: Oh, I remember. He is the famous person who said he was my fan.
> 
> Jiyeon: Another famous person?;;
> 
> V: There’s nothing to be worried about.
> 
> V: The both of you, don’t skip meals even if you’re busy. You lose everything if you lose your health.
> 
> V: Please take care of yourself too, Jiyeon.
> 
> Jiyeon: Thanks, I’ll try my best.

V was much friendlier than Jiyeon expected for him to be; considering he was the head of the organization, she’d always expected his presence to be more intimidating. She’d only really talked to him once, over the phone, after all. 

 

> Zen: Wasn’t that a bit flustering?
> 
> Zen: Talking with V all of a sudden …
> 
> Jiyeon: It’s kind of him to worry about me.
> 
> Zen: Yeah, V has a kind heart.

Jiyeon looked at the picture that Zen sent of him, V, and who she assumed was Rika, and blinked slowly. Rika was much shorter than Jiyeon expected.

Then again, it looked like they were the same height … so she had nothing worthwhile to say in that aspect.

She ate her leftovers after closing the chat, typing a response to the text Jaehee sent her earlier in the day. 

 

> **_Jaehee Kang:_** _[Come to think of it … before you came along, I haven’t seen him talk to another woman besides me and Rika.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[But I do feel that you two get along very well.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[His jokes seem to go crazier than usual. Sometimes, I feel that you two have a world that I cannot understand.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[I don’t know if I’d go that far? All we’re doing is messing around.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[It’s good to have fun when you can.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[Speaking of fun, weren’t you going to watch one of Zen’s musicals tonight?]_

It wasn’t for another forty five minutes, during which she finished the rest of her food from earlier, that Jiyeon finally got a response from Jaehee. 

 

> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[Yes. It is one of his earlier productions, but still one of my favorites to watch. The role he plays is so complex and it’s clear Zen poured his heart into the role.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[What will you do tonight?]_

Jiyeon laughed a bit at the woman’s response. Jaehee’s almost-obsession with Zen was pretty amusing to see, especially when she’d adamantly deny it to anyone who asked. Not to mention Zen was completely clueless about the whole thing. 

 

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[Probably play Pokemon or TLOU as usual. I wanted to call Seven, but … I don’t know if he’d answer. He said he’s busy and can’t take calls a lot.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[Jaehee, do you think that it’s weird to want to talk to someone a lot?]_

Jiyeon turned her display off after sending that, a grimace pulling at her expression. _Was that rude of me to ask?_ She worried, chewing on her lip. _I should apologize in case she gets mad._  

 

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[I’m sorry]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[No need to apologize.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[You and Seven seem to be closer than expected after only a few days, but that isn’t a bad thing.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[Friendships can form quickly, or they can take awhile. It seems as if your relationship with all of us are growing fairly quickly, actually.]_

Jiyeon sighed and slid further into the couch until her neck was resting against the arm rest. Friendship … it was true. She was growing attached and becoming friends with the entire RFA despite the short period of time, but …

 _This feels different. I don’t know why, but it feels different._  

 

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[But … I don’t know. It feels different. I don’t know how to explain it, but it feels different.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[I’m sorry, I’m just being stupid and distracting you from work.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[As I said, no need to be sorry.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[Do you enjoy TV shows? I accidentally saw a trailer for a TV show and it got me thinking.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love at first sight in real life?]_

_No,_ her mind immediately supplied, _it isn’t. Love takes time to develop._ But she was hesitant to type that. Didn’t some people claim to love at first sight? There were people who instantly clicked as friends, but they didn’t go straight into a relationship … did they?

 _I guess some do,_ she supposed. _But that’s really uncommon._

 

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[Personally, no.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[I think you can immediately like someone … like how I enjoy talking to Seven, but that doesn’t mean you fall in love. Love takes time to develop in my opinion._
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[What about you? Do you think it’s possible?]_

It took Jaehee a while to respond, during which Jiyeon had turned on the television and ps4 and started up TLOU. She was still in the sewers where she left off earlier in the day and was careful to listen for any sounds of clickers that could be lurking in the shadows. All the living room and kitchen lights were still on in the apartment, despite the fact that it was past ten already, and the heater was on full blast as usual.

As she climbed on top of an abandoned bus, Jiyeon saw the hoard of infected and winced. This wasn’t going to be fun at all.

It was as she was preparing to jump down that Jaehee finally texted her back.

 

> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[I believe so, yes.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[Perhaps it may not be a deep, unwavering love like in movies, but I do think you can fall in love with someone when you first meet them.]_
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _[Maybe it won’t be realized until later, but I still believe it’s possible.]_

Jiyeon jumped off the bus and promptly got a game over due to her finger slipping when she went to throw the molotov. Huffing, she tried it again.

After nearly an hour of playing Jiyeon saved and turned off the system, stretching her back as she stood from the couch. “I should take a shower before it gets too late,” she mumbled to herself, moving to the bedroom to collect the towels she’d left in there earlier. “Maybe I’ll be able to fall asleep early tonight.”

Jiyeon dared a glance at her reflection as she stripped and immediately looked away.

_How disgusting._

She weighed herself before stepping into the shower, sighing when she saw that there was barely any change from this morning. If she didn’t eat something later, she’d lose weight again.

_Who cares at this point, though? If I die of starvation at least I won’t get kidnapped._

She sat under the hot water for awhile, a shudder running through her body despite the warmth in the air and water. Her skin was beginning to itch uncontrollably—it’d been growing since her interaction with Ray, earlier in the day, but now it was overwhelming her.

Jiyeon breathed out heavily, letting her head drop between her knees.

_What do I do? What do I do?_

The text had to have been from Ray. Or Unknown … or whatever his name was. Jiyeon was sure they were the same person and it _had to be from them._ It didn’t make sense otherwise.

Her chest was tightening again as anxiety crept back forward, stronger than ever before—and Jiyeon shuddered, squeezing her eyes shut and struggling to breathe through her panic.

_I don’t want to be taken. I don’t want to be afraid, I just want to be safe._

Her stomach twisted and she curled into a ball, hugging her elbows tightly in an attempt to pull herself together— _I can’t panic. I need to keep calm, I need to calm down I need to—_

_But I can’t._

The water was starting to cool but her anxiety had only worsened and before she could stop herself Jiyeon was crawling out of the shower. She shivered, her hair plastered up against her neck and water dripping down her back. She made sure to dry her hands before shakily reaching for the box.

 ****** Jiyeon didn’t go back into the shower until blood was pooling at her hip bones and gashes aligned her thighs. They were far deeper than she’d meant for them to be—she hadn’t meant to press down so hard and when she went to stand a wave of pain washed through her body, making her wince in pain.** But her stomach was calm and her anxiety had lifted and for the first time in days she felt _at ease._ Even yesterday morning when she’d cut, the anxiety hadn’t completely lifted. But now … she felt distant.

Her mind was both foggy and clear at the same time and she could breathe. She could finally _breathe._

Jiyeon placed the blade on the counter and slid back into the shower, flinching when the water scalded the open wounds. _Hurts like a bitch,_ she thought, using her hands as protection so that only a little bit of water could slip through and hit the cuts, _but at least I’m alright now._

She sat there until the water had run cold and the automatic light had shut off, leaving just the manual light flickering above head, and only then did she turn off the water. The cuts had stopped bleeding for the time being but Jiyeon knew that the second she stood up and walked around they would begin to bleed in earnest again.

Jiyeon’s eyes felt heavy but she forced herself up, exhaling shakily when the skin of her thighs tugged painfully. She wrapped her hair up in one of the towels before wrapping the other one around her torso, ignoring the fact that blood was beginning to drip down her leg.

Suddenly she heard her ringtone go off from the bedroom where she’d left it plugged in while she showered and nearly tripped over herself to reach the bedroom.

Her eyes lit up when she saw it was Seven calling and she didn’t even bother to finish drying off before picking her phone up off the charger, plopping down on the bed with just the towel, and answering the phone.

 _“Oh … you received right on the spot!”_ Seven exclaimed and Jiyeon felt a grin crawl to her face. _“I just tried to remember your voice while working, but I couldn’t. It was super-weird since I have super-good memory. So I decided to give you a call.”_

Jiyeon giggled, leaning back on the bed as she tugged the towel away from her hair and let it rest against her bare shoulders. “Well, I’m here now,” she said, staring up at the ceiling light. “Should I say some stuff so you can remember it this time?”

Seven laughed as well. _“Well now that I hear you, your voice print is kicking back into my brain … why couldn’t I remember it before …?”_

Jiyeon winced when she went to move and felt her legs jolt in pain but managed to restrain from letting out any sound of distress. “Maybe we should talk so you can remember it better?”

 _“H-Huh?”_ Seven stammered, seeming caught off guard by her response. _“I mean—it’s late, aren’t you sleepy at all? I didn’t wake you up, right?”_

She shook her head. “No, don’t worry. I wasn’t sleeping. I don’t sleep that well lately to be honest … what about you, though? Are you tired?”

 _“Hahh … I’m exhausted.”_ She heard a quiet thump, like he’d dropped his head onto a desk or something. _“The life of a world-class defender of justice is tiring.”_

Jiyeon pressed the towel against her thighs, pressing down to stop the bleeding that had started, and replied, “I can imagine. I—I’m glad you called, though …” her cheeks flushed at that and she quickly continued with, “I-I mean—because it’s been pretty boring! You know? Um … without much to do. I’ve played too much Pokemon and TLOU lately so I just—”

Seven laughed. _“You’re so cute. I’m glad I called you. How was your day? What did you do? Did you eat?”_

“Um … well, I made bulgogi today,” she started, “it’s been a really long time since I made an actual meal for myself. Usually I just eat frozen stuff, or chips, or … fruit. I’m pretty bad at cooking.”

 _“Me too,”_ he replied. _“I rarely have time to go out and eat so I have to take care of my meals at home. Sometimes my maid makes me food though~ he’s the best.”_

Jiyeon sighed, pulling the towel away and checking that it had stopped bleeding before standing up and moving towards the clothes she’d left folded on the desk chair. “So your maid also makes sure you eat properly?”

 _“Um … kind of? It’s not in his job description but he does it anyways, sometimes.”_ Seven sighed into the phone and Jiyeon couldn’t help feeling embarrassed when her cheeks flushed with heat. _“But! I can make a balanced meal without the help of my maid.”_

“Oh?” Jiyeon pulled on her underwear and pajama pants carefully, laying the towel over the back of the chair before grabbing for a long sleeve shirt. “What’s a balanced meal, then?”

 _“Wellll …”_ Seven trailed off before picking up again with, _“it’s all about the balance between sweet and salty, haha. For example …”_ she heard the crinkling of a chip bag in the background, _“Honey Buddha Chips and Ph.D Pepper! I’ve tried many combinations, but this is the best one out there.”_

Jiyeon attempted to put on the shirt without pulling the phone away but found herself failing. “Hold on a moment,” she requested, “I need to put my shirt on.”

She heard him sputtering on the other line before she put her phone down on the desk and pulled the shirt over her head, pulling her hair out from the collar and letting it rest against the back of her neck “‘Kay, I’m back.”

 _“W-Why weren’t you wearing a shirt!?”_ he immediately cried out. Jiyeon laughed. _“Were you naked the entire time!?”_

“Um … yes?” she replied. “I was in a towel. I just got out of the shower.”

 _“You—agh, that brought thoughts to my head that it shouldn’t have … go away, shoo!”_ Jiyeon stifled her laughter, falling back onto the bed. _“Now is not the time to think that!”_

She moved carefully so she wouldn’t pull at her cuts anymore than necessary. “When is the time, then?”

 _“That’s not—I didn’t mean it like that!”_ Jiyeon found herself laughing again. _“Hey—are you laughing at me?”_ he questioned.

“N-No, no, I’m not,” she lied, but her giggles betrayed her words. “Sorry—I just … you got so flustered. It was funny.”

 _“You think it’s funny to mess with people, huh? Well—I can be hilarious, then.”_ Jiyeon blinked, her mind churning as she tried to figure out the implication behind those words. _“Don’t let your guard down, Jiyeon~”_

She stared up at the ceiling, her laughter gone and instead replaced by a thoughtful frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 _“Hm … don’t worry about it,”_ he said nonchalantly. _“You’re too young to be tainted like that.”_

“Hey—I’m nineteen! I’ve been in college for a year already!” She huffed. “I’m not young anymore.”

Seven seemed surprised by that information. _“Did you graduate early? Yoosung said …”_

“I did,” she cut him off and a sick feeling formed in her gut. “I—I-I mean, sorry, sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt—”

 _“Whoa, calm down there! There’s no need to freak out,”_ he reassured her, but it did nothing for the anxiety in her stomach. _“Take some deep breaths.”_

Jiyeon did so, trying to remember how her therapist had taught her to count them, and after about fifteen seconds of it she felt her stomach loosen a bit. “I … I’m sorry,” she mumbled, mortified. Had she just ruined the entire conversation?

_I bet he won’t want to talk to me anymore. I messed up._

_“That’s pretty impressive, graduating a year earlier.”_ Jiyeon poked at her injured thigh, wincing when it flared up in pain.

“I … thought you would’ve known?” she asked carefully. “Haven’t you been looking into me since I arrived?”

Seven hummed. _“Not too extensively. Just enough to know you’re not a threat.”_

Jiyeon felt a wave of relief pass through her body. That probably meant he hadn’t gotten to her medical records yet, right?

“… Thanks,” she suddenly said. “I … um, I appreciate that you didn’t look too much.”

 _He might take that as me trying to hide something,_ she thought with a jolt, the anxiety returning full force and smashing into her like a wrecking ball. _Crap, I have to say something or else he really will go and look._

 _“No need to be thankful; I don’t like to pry more than I have to,”_ he said sincerely. _“Everyone deserves their privacy.”_

Jiyeon wasn’t sure if he could somehow read minds, but his words managed to calm the fear ravaging her thoughts. It was odd—not even her therapist had been able to do that. No matter how hard she tried to believe what she would tell her, Jiyeon’s fears could never be relieved.

_How does he calm me down so easily? Is it just his presence? He's a hacker; I should be terrified of him. And yet, he calms me down without even trying. How does he do it?_

Jiyeon didn’t know. But it scared her; because if Seven could calm her down so easily it also meant he could do the opposite just as well.

He could break her if he tried. Hell, he could most likely do it without trying.

And that was terrifying.

“Hey … Seven?” She started, her voice weak compared to earlier. “Can I ask you something?”

_“What’s up?”_

She hesitated, and thankfully Seven didn’t push her to speak. She took a moment to compose her thoughts so they’d all come out properly, before she asked, “Do you … think it’s weak to need medicine?”

_“… What kind of medicine?”_

Jiyeon didn’t reply and Seven sighed, but answered regardless. _“I think that if you need the medicine, then you should take it. It doesn’t make you weak, or mean that you’re helpless … it just means you need some extra help. There’s nothing wrong with that.”_

“I … guess,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for the weird question. I-I’m probably bothering you, right? I should probably go.”

 _“Huh? Wait, what?”_ Seven seemed confused and it only made Jiyeon feel worse. _“It’s fine, I’m waiting for a program to finish running, so there’s not really anything else for me to be doing. It’s not a bother.”_

She fiddled with a strand of her hair, feeling the dampness against the pads of her fingers. “You sure?”

_“What’s there to be unsure about?”_

Jiyeon opened her mouth to tell him, to let her thoughts spill from her lips, but stopped herself before they could come out. _I can’t lay that on him. He really will be mad then._

“I guess you’re right,” she replied, forcing a cheer into her voice. “But, um … thanks. For not prying more than needed, and for talking to me, and—”

_And for the bridge._

“And … for that night. On the bridge.” Her words felt distant and cold as they came out. “Thanks, for all of it.”

 _“Anytime. I enjoy talking to you as well, you know,”_ he started before his tone turned a bit lighter. _“I never thought I’d meet someone who could be as weird as me! You totally understand my sense of humor.”_

Jiyeon felt a smile crawl to her lips, despite the dark thoughts muddling her head, and she nodded in response. “It’s nice. You've made me laugh a lot, so thanks. It'd be a lot harder to adjust without you.”

 _“Aw ... I like to give you a gift for saying something so sweet! But unfortunately I can't right now, so I'll keep it for you. You want to know what it is though, right?"_  He teased. _"It's a secret though~"_

"I can keep secrets," she shot back, her eyes widening. "C'mon, tell me!"

 _"No can do! You'll just have to wait and see! Oh ... wait, there is something I can give you right now."_ Jiyeon blinked and Seven continued with,  _"My heart ...? My sweetie."_

Oh no.

_Did my heart just stop?_

Abruptly Seven burst into laughter.  _"Haha, that sounded like Zen, didn't it? Haha_ _…"_  he trailed off. Then, he picked back up with, _"Oh_  ... _The program’s done running,”_ Seven began, _“I gotta get back to work.”_

 _“Make sure to get some sleep! Alright? God Seven orders it!”_ This time the smile became a bit larger. _“And take your medicine. Anyways, I’ll talk to you later, Jiyeon. Good night!”_

Jiyeon let her phone rest on the bed as she mulled over the conversation. _Does he really like talking to me?_ She wondered. She wanted to pull her knees to her chest but knew it would just cause the wounds to start bleeding again. _He wouldn’t lie. Right? If he didn’t enjoy it he’d just avoid answering._

When she went into the bathroom to brush her teeth she found the razor still sitting where she’d left it on the counter. Her fingers itched to pick it up and slide it across her skin once more; for a moment, she was tempted. But instead she picked it up and put it back in the box where it belonged, right next to her medication.

She wasn’t ready to take them. Not yet; not while the urges to down them all was still so strong. But hopefully one day, soon, she’d be able to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh I really don't like this chapter, so if you enjoyed it I'd love to know through a comment! Thanks for reading everyone.


	5. Day 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooooow this chapter was really damn hard to write. I thought I was unsatisfied and unhappy with the last chapter but ... wow. This one takes the cake.
> 
> I'd like to rewrite the entire thing, but I don't actually think I could. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoys this chapter because I really hate it ;;; thanks to everyone who has left kind comments so far.
> 
> No trigger warnings for this chapter. Alternate title is: Jiyeon Has Issues™

Jiyeon had been trying to fall asleep for over an hour now; when she failed, she inevitably had turned to the messenger, like she usually did, and found Yoosung there … as expected. He was always a good fallback for her it seemed.

The conversation turned to food. Jiyeon had a feeling that God was taunting her. She’d eaten well today; probably not enough, but more than usual … it was progress. She’d just have to try harder tomorrow.

… Today.  

> Yoosung: It really can’t be good for his health to just eat one thing all the time. Lol
> 
> Yoosung: I mean, I’m always sitting in front of the computer because of LOLOL.
> 
> Yoosung: So I know what it’s like to live like a hermit and eat crappy food all the time …
> 
> Yoosung: No matter how I fantasize about having boxes of Honey Buddha Chips
> 
> Yoosung: if you eat that much, you’re gonna upset your stomach,
> 
> Yoosung: your taste buds,
> 
> Yoosung: and get depressed.
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t know if I agree with that
> 
> Jiyeon: I pretty much eat the same things daily but it doesn’t really contribute to my depression … I don’t think.

Wouldn’t that be hilarious, though? If Jiyeon started to eat new foods and suddenly her depression was cleared up—her therapist would have a field day. So would her parents.

She laughed at herself for thinking that. _How ridiculous._    

> Yoosung: You never know!
> 
> Yoosung: Actually, I think I’ve read
> 
> Yoosung: a research study
> 
> Yoosung: that said
> 
> Yoosung: people have to taste various things to remain happy.
> 
> Jiyeon: interesting …
> 
> Yoosung: Anyways …
> 
> Yoosung: So the best combination of junk food I found are …
> 
> Yoosung: **bungeoppang — chips — french fries — ice cream.**
> 
> Yoosung: This.

Jiyeon hummed, reading over it. Her stomach growled and suddenly she had the urge to eat something sweet. Not that she could; she’d already brushed her teeth. But it would’ve been nice anyways.

 _Maybe tomorrow I’ll treat myself to something,_ she thought, but there was unease. _If I can. I haven’t treated myself in a long time._   

> Jiyeon: Wow … it sounds so good. I want it all ;;
> 
> Yoosung: Right??
> 
> Yoosung: After the soft and warm bungeoppang, you eat crunchy chips!
> 
> Yoosung: And then after salty french fries, you end the whole course with ice cream!
> 
> Yoosung: And then start again with the ppang~
> 
> Jiyeon: I haven’t had any junk food except for chips in so long
> 
> Jiyeon: I think the last time I had french fries was in middle school T_T and I can’t even remember the last time I had bungeoppang.
> 
> Jiyeon: maybe in elementary school?;;

Or further even … Jiyeon didn’t remember when her eating disorder had started but she knew it was at a young age. At this point, it was scarier to try imagining a life without her illnesses than to live with them.

Or at least it felt like that at times.

That wasn’t to say she was _happy_ about it; no, quite the opposite. For the most part, every waking moment was hell. Her bones ached, her mood was constantly low … every time she entered into a chat room she felt a spike of anxiety, even if she was excited about the prospect of talking to others. Her skin itched, her body was exhausted, her legs burned from open wounds; she was worn down. Worn down from years of fighting against an impossibly strong force.

But … it was still comforting in a small, morbid way. It was a constant in her life. The only other constant she had was being alone and even that had been challenged as of late.   

> Yoosung: You should have some!
> 
> Yoosung: You never know what’ll happen, so it’s good to enjoy nice food and treat yourself while you can
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: I’m gonna make Seven an offer he can’t refuse.
> 
> Yoosung: **I offer to trade his Honey Buddha Chips**
> 
> Yoosung: **with my Lays chips.^^**
> 
> Yoosung: What do you think?
> 
> Jiyeon: …
> 
> Jiyeon: honestly sounds like a rip off lol
> 
> Jiyeon: hbc are on a level of their own … you just can’t compare Lays and hbc.
> 
> Yoosung: But Lays is good too.
> 
> Yoosung: They used to sell way more than Honey Buddha Chips!
> 
> Jiyeon: Yoosung … I wish you luck with your endeavor.

_I feel so out of it,_ she thought to herself, as she closed the chat room and laid down in bed. Her legs ached like no tomorrow and each movement sent a new wave of pain through her body. Every time she tried to roll over and make herself comfortable, it just hurt more.

 _Does Rika have any painkillers?_ She wondered, wincing when she moved too suddenly. _I could really use some._

It was with that thought in mind that she got out of bed and began her search. After ten minutes, though, Jiyeon resigned herself to the fact that she likely wasn’t going to find any.

 _… I’ll make the trip back to my house for mine tomorrow I guess._ The thought made her wince. Walking all that way in this state would be … painful. She’d regret it.

But she wasn’t going to just go buy a whole new bottle. So what if it saved her time and pain? That was at least 11,000 won she’d have to shell out, and she was dangerously low on money. Her parents weren’t going to be depositing more for another week.

“I’ll never fall asleep like this, though,” she said quietly, wandering around the kitchen aimlessly. She filled her cup from earlier and took a long drink from it before setting it down. “I guess I could go for a walk … it’s only one thirty. It was this time when I got here that night, too.”

Jiyeon pulled on an extra jacket before sliding her shoes on and exiting the apartment. Her phone was stuffed into her pocket. Her battery was low; she’d have to make the walk quick.

Ten minutes of slow and painful walking landed Jiyeon at a children’s park down the street from the apartment. At this time of night it was completely deserted and she plopped down on one of the swings, idly swinging her legs so she could get a bit of height.

She pulled her phone out as she swung, glancing at the messenger. _Is Seven still up? … Probably. Would he answer if I called?_

Her toes dragged across the ground as she gave up on pumping her legs. “No … I shouldn’t bother him.”

A gust of cold air blew through the park and Jiyeon shivered, wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to warm herself up.

Ten minutes passed, during which Jiyeon just surfed the internet while swinging lazily on the swing. She saw messages begin to go through to the chat room, despite only a small amount of time having passed between the last one and this one.   

> Jiyeon: Seven! You’re still up.
> 
> 707: Oh~
> 
> 707: It’s Jiyeon!
> 
> Jiyeon: hello :3
> 
> 707: Hello :3
> 
> 707: Mary Vanderwood just came and went
> 
> 707: I was just resting
> 
> 707: What about u?
> 
> Jiyeon: Taking a walk rn
> 
> Jiyeon: Couldn’t sleep
> 
> 707: **A walk!?**
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: It’s past midnight!

_Oops … I probably shouldn’t have told him that._ Jiyeon chewed on her bottom lip, pushing off the swing and beginning the walk back to the apartment.   

> Jiyeon: I know
> 
> Jiyeon: but it’s OK!
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m on my way back right now.
> 
> 707: You …!
> 
> 707: Call me when you get back. Understand?
> 
> 707: I want to know you’re safe!
> 
> Jiyeon: aw ok

She pretended to be upset about it, but truthfully Jiyeon didn’t mind. She enjoyed talking to Seven.

She laughed as he ripped into Yoosung for wanting to trade Lays for hbc just like she expected. But what did surprise her was his skills at LOLOL.  

> Jiyeon: Are you ranked top #1?
> 
> 707: lololol
> 
> 707: maybe.
> 
> 707: Just know that
> 
> 707: no one
> 
> 707: can
> 
> 707: ever beat me. lol.
> 
> Jiyeon: I officially challenge you to a pvp match.
> 
> 707: Oho!
> 
> 707: A new challenger arrives!
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: You may be cute, but that won’t stop me from beating you into the ground!
> 
> 707: Seven Zero Seven knows no mercy!
> 
> Jiyeon: >:3c
> 
> 707: But wow
> 
> 707: my house is so clean right now.
> 
> 707: I don’t think I’ve seen the floor in … I don’t know how long!
> 
> 707: So fresh~
> 
> 707: >_<

He sent a picture and Jiyeon blinked. _Is that his work space in the distance? How many monitors does he have …?_

Jiyeon snapped a quick picture of the empty streets and sent it back in response.   

> Jiyeon: So fresh~
> 
> 707: lolol
> 
> 707: Is that a person I see in the shadows?

Jiyeon jerked at his message, her head whipping up immediately to search the shadows. She found nothing, but a wave of unease passed through her.   

> Jiyeon: ;;;;;
> 
> Jiyeon: please don’t scare me like that
> 
> 707: Aw, I scared u?
> 
> 707: Sorry~
> 
> Jiyeon: Send me your maid to make up for it >>
> 
> 707: lol
> 
> 707: To be honest, Mary Vanderwood is a machine-human that has a very complicated relationship with me.
> 
> 707: So I can’t let you have him for security reasons.
> 
> 707: … JK lolol
> 
> 707: Should I go play LOLOL now?
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jiyeon: don’t you have a lot of work though?;;
> 
> Jiyeon: it’s good to take breaks, but if you take too many the work builds up and you’ll become stressed out.

The conversation finished before she reached the apartment complex and Jiyeon, still on edge from his joking comment, found herself looking over her shoulder every minute or so. Her legs had began to hurt again and she was starting to regret going out in the first place.

As requested (ordered) Jiyeon dialed Seven’s number as soon as she was safely inside the apartment. He picked up after a few rings, and Jiyeon placed her shoes beside the door as she greeted him.

“Honey~ I’m home.”

 _“Honey, welcome home~”_ he responded in a sweet voice. _“How was your midnight walk? Did you meet any creepy serial killers on your way back?_

Jiyeon adjusted the thermostat as she talked. “Nope. It was still a bit terrifying though … haha.” She rubbed her arm tenderly. “I hope I didn’t worry you.”

Seven waved that thought away. _“So what’s keeping you up?”_

“Uh …” she frowned, unsure if she should tell him. “I injured myself yesterday, actually … I’m really sore. But all my painkillers are still at my apartment, and Rika doesn’t have any.”

 _“What? You hurt yourself? Are you alright?”_ Seven fretted, the worry evident in his voice. _“What happened?”_

“Uh—um …” Jiyeon lied, “When I was cooking, I cut myself.”

Seven sighed, but somehow managed to sound relieved despite his next words. _“You should be more careful! You have to take care of yourself, OK? Your health is important. Once you lose that, you lose everything.”_

Jiyeon frowned. “I know …” she felt like a child being scolded. “I washed the cuts out anyways.”

_“Cuts? There’s more than one?”_

_Shit._

“D-Don’t worry about it,” she said, trying her best to sound like it didn’t matter. “Um … well! I’m sleepy after my walk, so I’m gonna head to bed. Don’t stay up too late!”

 _“… Right,”_ he offered, sounding skeptical. _“Sleep well, Jiyeon.”_

She hung up as soon as those words left his mouth, her heart beating rapidly. _I messed up again._

Crawling into bed, though, Jiyeon did find herself exhausted from the walk. Or maybe from her emotions … she wasn’t sure. Either way, it was enough that she could turn off the lights, lay down, and actually feel herself drifting asleep after only thirty minutes.

* * *

Jiyeon woke up with the worst headache the next morning.

It was nearly ten thirty and she barely had enough time to realize how _long_ she’d slept for before a god-awful headache assaulted her.

_I really need painkillers._

She wasn’t feverish, thankfully, and her muscles didn’t ache anymore than usual, leading her to think it was simply from getting more sleep than her body was used to.

“How am I supposed to walk back to my apartment like this, though?”

She glanced at her phone and noticed she had three missed calls; one from Zen, one from Seven, and one from Jumin.

_Whoops._

She went about calling them all back, starting with Jumin as he was the first one and ending with Zen. Jiyeon did her best to not sound as miserable as she felt and, considering not one of them commented on it, she supposed she did a good job.

 _“Make sure to get something to eat, alright?”_ Zen said. _“It’s good you got some sleep finally, but you have to keep yourself nourished.”_

Jiyeon yawned, wincing when her head began to ache again. “Remember your own words mister I-survive-off-beer-and-water,” she teased lightly. “I’ll get some fruit or something, though. I need to go out shopping again soon, actually …”

Zen laughed. _“You do that then. Anyways, my break is just about over so I have to get going.”_

“Good luck,” she offered. “Break a leg!”

Once all her calls were done with Jiyeon went about cutting up some fruit for breakfast … or lunch, considering it was eleven now. After cutting up the apple, weighing it, and placing it on a plate, Jiyeon moved to the couch to grab her DS before sitting down and starting to play.

She got up to shower a while later, sighing in bliss when the water drained away all the cold lingering in her body. She didn’t wash her hair, considering she did so yesterday, but instead just sat there and let the hot water wash over her.

Jiyeon took the chance to examine her legs and winced. There was bruising around the cuts, which had started to scab overnight—and she promptly scratched them off, thanks to the shower making them loose and wet. They began to bleed again and she just sighed.

Picking at her scabs was one of her worse habits; it hindered the healing process and always lead to worse scars. But it was something she just _did._ It was addicting, even when it hurt or stung like hell.

She waited for the light bleeding to stop before turning off the water and beginning to dry herself off. Keeping her hair wrapped up in the towel the entire time, Jiyeon exited the bathroom and moved towards the bedroom so she could change.

She pulled on the same pair of jeans she’d been wearing the first day, wincing when the rough fabric rubbed up against her raw wounds, and then went about layering herself up in shirts and jackets. Then she unwrapped her hair, rubbed it vigorously, and draped the towel over her shoulders so her hair could air dry.

While she waited, she returned to Pokemon, sipping at water in an attempt to calm her raging headache. 

* * *

>   **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Ugh;;;;;;
> 
> Jiyeon: ;;;;;
> 
> Jaehee Kang: What’s wrong?
> 
> Jiyeon: I slept so late today
> 
> Jiyeon: and woke up with the worst headache of my life.
> 
> Jiyeon: And then had to walk all the way to my apartment and back for painkillers.
> 
> Jiyeon: I feel like my legs are going to fall off.
> 
> Jumin Han: Why didn’t you just buy another bottle?
> 
> Jiyeon: low on money :/
> 
> Jiyeon: my parents don’t give me more for another week.
> 
> Jumin Han: Do you require financial aid?
> 
> Jumin Han: I can provide it for you.

Jiyeon blinked. _What? Did he just offer me money?_  

> Jiyeon: Uhh
> 
> Jiyeon: really?
> 
> Jumin Han: Yes
> 
> Jaehee Kang: If you require the assistance, Jiyeon, it may be best to accept Mr. Han’s offer.
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t like handouts though ;;
> 
> Jiyeon: or owing people stuff.
> 
> Jumin Han: Do not think of it as a loan. Instead, think of it as payment.
> 
> Jumin Han: You are putting together the party for us after all. It’s only fair to offer compensation.

Jiyeon, in the end, did give into Jumin’s offer, if only because she desperately needed it. Not to mention … he was really convincing with his words. But it didn’t alleviate the guilt that came with the act of giving him her bank account number, legal name, and bank holder so he could wire the money in.

“Are you sure this is alright?” She asked for probably the tenth time that phone call. “I really don’t want to impose.”

Jumin sighed for the first time, sounding almost exasperated. _“Do not worry. I have plenty of money if that’s what you’re concerned about. A couple hundred thousand won won’t hurt.”_

“A couple hundred thousand—!” she squeaked. “Jumin! That’s way too much! My parents will send me money in a week!”

_“I insist. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”_

That was how Jiyeon ended up with an extra 600,000 won in her bank account within the span of an hour. The advil had finally kicked in, thankfully, relieving her of her headache, but Jiyeon felt like she might explode from guilt. Still, Jumin wasn’t accepting any of her apologies or offers for compensation—and in the end, the girl just gave up. It was like arguing with a brick wall.

“I can’t believe this,” she said to herself as she exited the apartment and began the walk to the store. “I can’t believe I just accept 600,000 won from Jumin Han.”

She was tempted to be stingy and not spend it at all; but in the end, Jumin wasn’t going to take it back even if she did. So, it was with guilt on her shoulders that Jiyeon bought groceries for the next week. She even threw in a package of medical supplies for her cuts despite the fact that she had no desire to use them. She hadn’t gotten an infection yet and she doubted she would suddenly get one this time either.

After she finished cooking she laid all the food out in proper plates and bowls and snapped a quick picture before sending it into the chat room after Seven’s picture of the bungeoppang he’d been eating.  

> Jiyeon: I’ve made a feast.
> 
> Jiyeon: not as great as your bungeoppang, but I think I did a good job.
> 
> 707: Wow!!
> 
> 707: Looks great!
> 
> 707: Is that Japchae?
> 
> Jiyeon: yea
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I must agree with Luciel. It appears to be a very well balanced meal. Much better than sweets.
> 
> 707: Hey!
> 
> Jiyeon: Well, considering Jumin gave me enough money for a few weeks worth of food … I thought I’d treat myself.

Jiyeon grabbed the chopsticks from the drying rack where she’d left them yesterday and sat down at the island. Thankfully the conversation didn’t stay on food for too long, instead turning to religion.   

> Jiyeon: So you’re both Catholic then? What a small world.
> 
> Jiyeon: Is mass really as boring as they say it is?
> 
> 707: I don’t mind it~
> 
> Jaehee Kang: When was the last time you even went to mass, Luciel?
> 
> 707: lolol
> 
> 707: I’ll admit it’s been awhile
> 
> 707: I’ve been so busy lately
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I suppose I can’t say anything … Mr. Han has kept me too busy to be able to attend mass.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: If the boss is a devout Christian,
> 
> Jaehee Kang: they usually always give Sunday off …
> 
> 707: **You’re supposed to have Sundays off. lol.**
> 
> Jaehee Kang: …
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Yes.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: What about you, Jiyeon? Are you religious?

Jiyeon chewed on some soybean sprouts as she thought.   

> Jiyeon: ya
> 
> Jiyeon: I believe in God Seven.
> 
> 707: Yeah!!!
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jaehee Kang: 
> 
> 707: You are a very devoted follower!
> 
> 707: My most devoted follower!
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Your only follower.
> 
> Jiyeon: Lmao
> 
> Jiyeon: I was raised Buddhist actually.

Jaehee told them about all the calls she’d been getting and how she’d hadn’t gotten to eat lunch and Jiyeon was tempted to look up the C&R International address and bring food over for Jaehee.

In the end, though, she was too sore to do so. It was at least a thirty minute walk if she had to guess. 

> Jiyeon: I’ll watch the cat for you~
> 
> Jiyeon: I love cats.
> 
> 707: Me too!!
> 
> 707: Jumin should leave her with me.
> 
> 707: I love Elly so much!
> 
> 707: She’s like a cute furry little rice ball >_<
> 
> Jaehee Kang: He will not leave her with you. lol.

Jiyeon was too busy giggling at their conversation to eat. She had to agree with Jaehee; Seven’s way of showing love was a bit odd. Then again, Seven himself was pretty odd.

Hadn’t Jumin called him a sadist at one point?

 _Makes sense,_ she thought to herself. _Seven would probably be a sadist after all. He seems like that kind of person._

If her thoughts went a bit off the deep end after that, Jiyeon pretended not to notice.   

> Jaehee Kang: Luciel ^^
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Do not even say the ‘c’ in cats to Mr. Han.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: **DO NOT EVER.**
> 
> Jiyeon: :0
> 
> Jaehee Kang: **Please**
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Okay?
> 
> 707: …
> 
> 707: Ya.

When the both of them left she turned to her food with a sigh and reluctantly began to eat, ignoring the fact that she’d accepted the task of emailing a cat and inviting them to the party and instead focusing on her food. Although she’d made a lot of side dishes, she actual portion sizes were pretty small. It didn’t stop her from feeling greedy for having so many different things in front of her, though.

She opened up the forum app and browsed the American forum while she ate, doing her best to ignore the guilt that she got from the action.

* * *

The leftovers were in the fridge and after Jiyeon finished cleaning up the kitchen she ended up playing Pokemon for nearly two hours straight. She took another Advil during that time, despite having not waited 6 hours since the last dose, and found herself dozing off by the end of the two hours.

Talking in the chat room with Zen woke her up a bit, but not nearly enough, and when Jumin called her she debated on answering it or not. Her pride was still a bit hurt from the sheer amount of money he’d given her and she was _exhausted._

 _Never let me sleep a full eight hours again._ She thought, closing her DS and rolling onto her side. _Never again._

The phone went to voicemail and Jiyeon dozed off, not caring at that moment about how rude the action may seem.

* * *

_Dark. Cold._

_Loneliness._

_Her throat burned, raw from screaming into the abyss for so long. No one was coming; they’d all left her here, in the dark, to rot. To disappear._

_They always left. The loneliness was crushing her; a weight on her chest that she couldn’t lift. Jiyeon could feel her ribs creaking under the weight, the way her heart pounded desperately, trying to escape, and her breath caught her her throat._

_Someone else was in here. She could feel it._

_Her hands pulled and pushed at the door, trying to pry it open with sheer force, but it was no use. Something had blocked it from the outside._

_She felt a hand on her shoulder and trembled. “Why are you afraid?” It whispered, mouth by her ear. “There’s no need to fear me.”_

_Jiyeon coughed, trying to pull away from the darkness, but it only grasped onto her tighter. “Don’t try to run. There’s nowhere to go.”_

_It crawled through her eyes and settled itself in her brain. An awful, searing pain broke out across her body and Jiyeon nearly screamed._

_But she stopped herself. That’s what it wanted; a reaction. It wanted to see her scream, cry, beg—it wanted to grind her into dust._

_“I’ll tell everyone if you don’t listen to me,” it threatened. It’s voice had changed into one she hated. One she knew well. “I bet your parents would disown you if they knew.”_

_She didn’t disagree with that. But she didn’t speak._

_The second she spoke, she was done._

_It laughed, the sound twisted and distorted. It sent a chill down her spine. “You’re trying to be brave? How cute.” The hand cupped her face and she pulled away, gritting her teeth. “I’m going to come for you soon. Aren’t you excited?”_

_“The savior will love you.” The voice was smooth and clear and unfamiliar now. “You’ve been chosen, Jiyeon. Aren’t you honored?”_

_No. No, no, no—_

_She smashed a fist into the door and felt it creak under her hit. She did it again. Nothing. The darkness was closing in around her and it was there, watching her; she could feel its gaze, feel its eye wandering and observing her trembling figure._

_He was watching. It was watching. Always watching, always there._

_I don’t want to go._

_It gripped her wrist and pulled and then she was falling through the floor, the darkness sweeping her up and whisking her away from the place she’d been trapped in and bringing her to a new prison. A prison decorated with blue wallpaper and nice furniture, with soft blankets and pillows. She couldn’t hear anyone outside her door; they were probably gone again._

_The hand grabbed for her throat._

Jiyeon woke up with a start, her heart pounding in her ears and stomach churning with nausea. The remnants of her dream lingered in her brain and she struggled to calm herself down.

 _It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t that bad. Don’t be afraid,_ she tried to tell herself, but to no avail. _It’s just a dream._

But the feeling lingered; the suffocation, the paranoia, the feeling of the walls closing in on her, and Jiyeon felt her skin crawl.

It was still beginning to get dark and a glance at her phone showed that Jiyeon had only been asleep for an hour and fifty five minutes. Seven was in the chat room by himself and she tapped in, her hands still shaking. Talking with him made her feel a bit better, but she was still on edge.   

> 707: Truthfully
> 
> 707: Zen is good looking.
> 
> 707: He’s way more good looking than I am, lolol
> 
> 707: To begin with,
> 
> 707: I don’t go to the salon
> 
> 707: so already there we have a huge difference …
> 
> 707: Haha
> 
> 707: ha
> 
> 707: **…**
> 
> 707: **Should I ask Mary Vanderwood to cut my hair?**

Jiyeon twitched, curling her hands into fists and shaking them out. Her trembling had eased a bit, thanks to talking with Seven, but she was still uneasy.  

> 707: Actually …
> 
> 707: It seems everyone is curious of my past,
> 
> 707: but we secret agents have a saying amongst us.
> 
> Jiyeon: Which is?
> 
> 707: **“You do not ask about the past of hackers and cats.”**
> 
> 707: Both are very dangerous creatures …
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Jiyeon: haha
> 
> Jiyeon: everyone, stop asking meow!
> 
> 707: Cats are dangerous but don’t underestimate hackers, meow!
> 
> 707: Grrrr!
> 
> Jiyeon: meow :3c
> 
> 707: I’m dangerous meow.
> 
> 707: Everyone seems to have forgotten
> 
> 707: how dangerous hackers are

Jiyeon frowned. “I know how dangerous they are,” she said to herself, curling up between the arm of the couch and the cushion. “I have one after me right now.” 

> 707: **but you see hackers**
> 
> 707: **hide like cockroaches,**
> 
> 707: **but are poisonous**
> 
> 707: **and exist everywhere.**
> 
> 707: Behind your back,
> 
> 707: above your head,
> 
> 707: under your feet,
> 
> 707: and …
> 
> 707: in your heart.

Jiyeon jerked at the last one, her cheeks flushing.  

> Jiyeon: Don’t go into my heart! It’s fragile.
> 
> 707: Haha.
> 
> 707: What should I do now then?
> 
> 707: I’m
> 
> 707: already
> 
> 707: inside
> 
> 707: your heart.

_… He’s not wrong,_ she acknowledged. _But we’re just friends. We’re just becoming friends; that’s it._

 _Right? Right?_  

> 707: .thump.
> 
> 707: .thump.
> 
> 707: .thump.
> 
> 707: **omg …**
> 
> 707: **This joke is getting too hard for me too …**
> 
> 707: **Jiyeon, are you alive?**

Jiyeon groaned, pressing her forehead into the couch. _Why am I getting so affected? He’s just playing around._    

> Jiyeon: sry
> 
> Jiyeon: I think my heart has stopped
> 
> Jiyeon: go on without me……………..
> 
> 707: Noooooo!
> 
> 707: U can’t die here!
> 
> Jiyeon: Hear my last words … please. Pass them on to the others.
> 
> 707: My ears are open!
> 
> Jiyeon: tell them …
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m meow-ving on to a mew life meow~

She giggled as she typed it and Seven seemed to enjoy it as well considering the spam he sent into the chat room after it. She grinned to herself.  

> 707: But really …
> 
> 707: I’m jealous of Zen.
> 
> 707: He has a job where exposure will only do him good.
> 
> 707: If I’m exposed,
> 
> 707: weird dudes will come after me lol.
> 
> 707: The dude trying to exploit my skills,
> 
> 707: dude trying to make me his slave,
> 
> 707: and dude trying to catch me,
> 
> 707: and psychos who want me so much they want to lock me up!
> 
> Jiyeon: Welcome, Mr. Popular.
> 
> Jiyeon: You seem to have quite a few fans waiting for you.
> 
> 707: I don’t need to be popular to people like them though
> 
> 707: It’s tiring to lose all those people. T_T

He told her about the organization chasing after him and her heartbeat raced, both in fear and surprise. _I knew Seven was good at hacking, but is he really so good that people are chasing after him?_   

> 707: I might have to pack up and run away~!
> 
> 707: …
> 
> 707: **Is that what you thought I’d say!?**
> 
> 707: Hahahahaha
> 
> Jiyeon: So you’re not scared? Then will you get back at them for chasing you?
> 
> 707: Oh yeah.
> 
> 707: Scared my ass.
> 
> 707: It’s so exciting!
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t know if I’d call being hunted exciting ;;
> 
> Jiyeon: But! Let me help you get back at them!
> 
> Jiyeon: I’ll be a great assistant
> 
> 707: Lol
> 
> 707: My own assistant~ I’ve always wanted one.
> 
> Jiyeon: I’ll do whatever you say Mr. 707~
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: How should we mess with them, my assistant?
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: Should we invite them to the party as a surprise?

_Isn’t that dangerous if they’re after you …?_ She wondered, but agreed regardless. After a little bit of mindless talking he sent a picture of his screen; a red skull along with the words “!!! Warning !!!” were displayed, and Jiyeon jumped in surprise.   

> Jiyeon: Is that hacked?;;
> 
> 707: Ya
> 
> 707: It’s been like this ;;
> 
> Jiyeon: So scary T_T but you have to keep going! Cheer up! I believe in you!
> 
> 707: Okie dokie!
> 
> 707: With ur words of encouragement I feel like I can work now!
> 
> 707: And now that I’ve gotten some rest, I should be able to get back at it.
> 
> 707: >_<
> 
> 707: Don’t skip your meals! Adios!
> 
> **707 has left the chat room.**

* * *

“This is getting really boring,” Jiyeon mumbled to herself as she moved through Po Town. “I’ve been playing so much Pokemon lately. Maybe I should switch games or something …”

She sighed, leaning her head over the arm of the couch and staring up at the ceiling. The TV was on for background noise and she looked over at the cartoon playing. It was some superhero show about two kids from Paris; it wasn’t bad, but Jiyeon had been distracted by games the entire time it’d been playing.

Her phone vibrated and she picked it up and answered it without bothering to look at who it was calling.

_“Hello, Jiyeon, it’s me.”_

She straightened up at V’s voice. “V? Is that you?”

_“Do you have a minute to talk?”_

Jiyeon put her DS down and sat up a bit. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

There was a faint crackling. _“Uh … hello? … Why can’t I hear anything?”_

She turned down the TV volume. _“Hello? Jiyeon? Can you hear me?”_

“Uh-huh,” she replied. “You can’t hear me?”

V hummed to himself. _“Did you talk just now? Uh, I can’t hear very well. Is there something wrong with the signal here? Should I move somewhere else …?”_

_“Jiyeon, I’m going to move to the windows, so please wait for a moment.”_

“Uh … OK.” She crossed her ankles over each other and glanced back at the TV, reading the CC subtitles she’d turned on.

_“Alright, let’s see … hello? Can you hear me?”_

“Yes! I can hear you!” Jiyeon raised her voice a bit just in case it was because she was talking too quiet. She heard V sigh.

_“Ah, finally. I can hear you. Back there the words were all disconnected. Anyways, it’s a relief that I can hear you better now. I hope the phone will work when I call Luciel later on.”_

“Seven?” She repeated. “Oh … please look after him V, alright?”

V chuckled. _“Yes. I’m the one who has at least a glimpse of what he’s going through. So I’ll do my best. Thank you for caring for him with me.”_

“Anytime … I-I enjoy being around him, anyways,” she mumbled. “So what’d you need?”

 _“Oh … just a moment.”_ V’s voice grew a bit distant, like he’d pulled his phone away from his ear. _“Alright—understood. I’ll drop by the intelligence team.”_ His voice came back, louder this time. _“ … Hello? Did you hear what I just said?”_

Jiyeon frowned. “Yeah … what’s that about an intelligence team?”

 _“It’s nothing, so there’s no need to mind. Just forget about it.”_ Her frown grew. _“Oh … since the signal might fluctuate again, I should call Luciel when it’s still working.”_

“Huh? But … wait, V! What did you call for?”

_“Sorry, I need to go. I’ll talk to you again.”_

She was left staring at the phone incredulously as the line went dead. “What the heck?” She mumbled, resisting the urge to call him back. “Why did he even bother to call me if he wasn’t going to say anything in the end?”

Jiyeon sighed, shutting her display off and letting her phone rest on her lap. “I guess it doesn’t matter.”

She turned her attention to the TV and let herself become distracted by the cartoon playing, her Pokemon game all but forgotten about.

* * *

_“I don’t know if I told you, but apparently someone wants to hire me as their full time model. They said that a handsome face like mine should be known to everyone …”_

“Oh … congratulations?” She said hesitantly. “I mean, that must be an honor, right?”

Zen sighed heavily. _“I suppose, but I’m an actor! My acting is more important than my face! I did say yes to model for a photoshoot wearing hanbok, but I have no intention of becoming a full time model.”_

“Hmm … well, I think you’d look good in a suit too,” Jiyeon suggested. “Suits look nice on everyone.”

Zen agreed, _“I look good in anything, so I’ll be handsome in a suit, too. But I don’t want to be photographed in suits … I want to act in one!”_

“Become a mafia boss,” she said seriously, making sure to mask any hint of jest from her voice. “Zen … the Italian Mafia boss who has come to Korea to collect payment on a runaway mafia member!”

Zen laughed. _“Haha. That’d be fun. Actually, I was in a gang when I was younger.”_ Jiyeon’s eyes widened. _“I think I told you that a few days ago.”_

“You did …” she agreed slowly, not fully remembering. “But still, that’s kind of scary … but acting it would be different, right?”

 _“Right. Doing a part like that would be fun. That kind of idea would make a great TV show. I’d love to act in it.”_ He paused. _“But it won’t be so easy as a musical actor …”_

“Where did you go to college, Zen?” She asked suddenly. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

 _“Oh, I didn’t.”_ Jiyeon blinked at his blase answer. _”I actually dropped out of high school.”_

“Oh … but you’re still a musical actor?” She questioned. “Without a degree? You must be pretty good, then.”

He hummed. _“I suppose I am, yeah. Now if only I could get discovered and cast in some big film …”_

“Don’t count your eggs before they hatch,” she said wisely, making her tone more dramatic. “You never know what’ll happen.”

Zen chuckled. _“Heh, I suppose so. Oh—the director’s coming, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later!”_

 _A motorcycle gang, huh …?_ Jiyeon stood up from the couch, placing her DS on the coffee table. _I wonder what kind of stuff he did in that. Would he be offended if I asked?_

After using the bathroom and changing into pajama pants Jiyeon returned back to the couch to find her phone blinking. When she lit the screen up she saw that there was a voicemail left on the RFA application. A sinking feeling fell in her stomach as she opened it up, hitting the speakerphone button so she wouldn’t have to hold it to her ear.

For a good few seconds, it was static; there was also the sound of someone roughly moving the phone. Finally, she heard it through the static, though it was hard to make out.

 _"—ming to g—”_ it cut off again, the static blaring even louder, " _—don’t be afrai—”_ her blood ran cold. _“_ — _Won’t it be fun?”_

 _“Don’t forget about me, alright?”_ Although the static was still there Jiyeon heard that sentence clearly. _“Remember, I found—… first, I’m the one—owns—”_ the static became too loud at this point, cutting the sentence off, but it didn’t matter. The message was clear to her.

The voicemail ended after that; Jiyeon fumbled to check her call log, desperate to figure out who had called, but there was no new call on the app. In fact, the last one it showed coming in was from Zen.

 _It’s Unknown,_ she thought, falling back onto the couch. _Ray. Whatever his name is. How did he manage to call me?_

_Should I tell Seven?_

She shook her head. _No. I’ve bothered him enough. He has all his agency work to do … he said it himself. I can’t distract him with this stuff._

_I’ll be fine. I have to be fine._

But no matter how many times she repeated that thought to herself, she couldn’t calm her frayed nerves.

* * *

Jiyeon ended up discussing cat projects with Jumin as she reheated the leftover food from earlier. While it was reheating she cut up another apple, placing it in one of the serving bowls.

She couldn’t help but feel bad for Jaehee; the woman would inevitably be tasked with more work because of that conversation. But wine for cats? The idea was just so _funny_ that Jiyeon couldn’t help but indulge in that conversation.

But in the end she’d had to stop Jumin and Zen from fighting—it was really getting ridiculous. Couldn’t they at least _try to get along?_  

> Jiyeon: You two …
> 
> Jiyeon: I wish you’d get along ;;
> 
> Zen: Ugh
> 
> Zen: How could I get along with someone like him?
> 
> Jumin Han: I agree.
> 
> Jiyeon: ;;;;

Jiyeon understood having allergies; she tended to get them badly in the spring and fall due to pollen in the air. But the animosity had to run deeper than what she was seeing.

“Time to try and get them to get along,” she mumbled to herself, bringing the reheated food back to the island and placing it down next to the side dishes she’d taken from the fridge. “This isn’t going to be fun.” 

> Jiyeon: Can’t you two try?
> 
> Jiyeon: Jumin … allergic reactions really aren’t something that can be helped
> 
> Jiyeon: and Zen seems to be really allergic to cats. Even if pictures can't really trigger allergies, if he's had bad reactions in the past then it's probably psychological.
> 
> Jiyeon: So can’t you be courteous and not mention Elizabeth the 3rd when he’s around?
> 
> Zen: Yeah!
> 
> Jiyeon: **I’m not done.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Zen, you can’t get mad every time Jumin talks about Elizabeth.
> 
> Jiyeon: And you should lay off the insults.
> 
> Jiyeon: Sure, Jumin might be cold at times … but some people are just like that.
> 
> Zen: I feel like I’m being scolded
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Jiyeon: That’s because you are^^
> 
> Jumin Han: Hm.
> 
> Jumin Han: I don’t understand what the problem is. But if you request for us to get along, I will try my best.
> 
> Jiyeon: ^^
> 
> Jiyeon: And what about you Zen?
> 
> Zen: Ugh …
> 
> Zen: Fine;;;

Jiyeon had a feeling that this “truce” she’d managed to get them to create wouldn’t last very long, which just meant she’d have to be vigilant about it.

> Jiyeon: ty for being so understanding
> 
> Jiyeon: Now, I should probably go eat
> 
> Zen: Isn’t it a bit late to be eating dinner?
> 
> Jiyeon: mmmaybe
> 
> Jiyeon: At least I’m eating.
> 
> Jumin Han: Eating outside your regular eating schedule leads to an increased chance of weight gain.

Jiyeon froze. Slowly she put her chopsticks down, staring at the message wordlessly. Zen didn’t seem nearly as shocked, though he did lay into Jumin for his comment, his previous commitment all but forgotten.

> Zen: Hey!
> 
> Zen: Don’t go saying that to a girl, especially when it’s not true!
> 
> Jumin Han: Studies have proven that irregular eating cycles are more likely to lead to weight gain.
> 
> Jumin Han: I am merely stating the truth.

Her appetite was gone all of a sudden and Jiyeon swallowed thickly, reaching for her water cup and taking a long drink.

 _I wonder if Jumin would be disgusted seeing that I’m eating this much so late._ Her hands trembled and she jumped off the stool, pacing around the living room in an attempt to calm herself down. _I shouldn’t care. Why do I care?_

_Why do I ever care about what others say?_

Her phone was buzzing against the counter and Jiyeon made her way back to pick it up, seeing a few texts from Zen. The chat room was completely forgotten about and Jiyeon realized she was the only one still in there. She exited without bothering to read what the two of them said to each other.

> **_Zen:_ ** _[Are you alright? I’m sorry about the trust-fund-kid. He shouldn’t be running his mouth like that.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[I’m fine. Just tired. I’ll head to bed early tonight.]_
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _[Don’t worry about me.]_

She left her phone on the charger and looked at the food on the counter, unsure on whether or not she should eat it.

“I can’t afford to lose weight,” she said to herself, looking out the window at the dark sky. “But … I don’t feel good anymore.”

In the end, she compromised with herself by only eating half.

* * *

Animal Crossing had become one of the games Jiyeon played after a nightmare and although she’d been awake since her last one, she found herself powering on the game. When the music hit her ears she sighed softly, feeling a bit of the tension lift off her shoulders. Her head was pounding and her skin felt stretched and plastered over her skeleton. She felt like rubber.

She’d taken another two Advil just a few minutes ago and wanted nothing more than for them to just kick in already.

Jiyeon set the date back to when she’d last played and set the time to 1am. Although it was currently only ten thirty, Jiyeon had grown accustomed to listening to the 1am music to calm herself down; it become something of a habit that developed with her nightmares. Every time she’d wake up she’d turn on Animal Crossing, set the time to 1am, and just walk around searching for spiders and scorpions.

Muffy was still wandering around for some reason and pinged when Jiyeon walked past. Accepting the time capsule, Jiyeon ran over to Muffy’s house and buried the capsule right in between the house and the apple tree planted beside it. Then she returned for her reward.

“Today is Friday … I can’t call Mom or Dad yet,” she mumbled to herself. “They’re probably busy now, anyways.”

She looked up the current time in New York and—yup, definitely busy. _They’re probably still asleep, actually._

With how distracted she was, Jiyeon didn’t realize messages were being sent to the chat room. The music had changed from 1 am to 3 am and it wasn’t until the lights flickered overhead and she heard rain begin to splatter against the windows that she realized how distracted she’d become.

She jumped in surprise when she heard a shrill tone from her phone and scrambled over to the bedroom to unplug it from the charger. It was then she realized she’d missed both Seven and V—apparently, the party date had been set.

February 5th. Today was January 7th; there was just under a month before the party.

Her first thought was, _That’s not nearly enough time._

Her second thought was, _I should’ve paid more attention so I could argue for a later date._

 _… Wait, no. That’d be even worse; it means I’d be in this apartment longer._ She sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed, her phone resting loosely in her grip. _Still … a month? That’s barely any time. Sure, I’ve already got twelve guests, but …_

_That’s not nearly enough people._

> **Yoosung has entered the chat room**
> 
> Yoosung: Jiyeon! Didn’t you hear that strange alarm?

Jiyeon blinked. That’s right—the alarm. That was what brought her in there to begin with.

She checked for any missed calls or messages but found nothing out of the ordinary; no new alerts from apps or anything else. 

> Jiyeon: Yeah … I heard it. You got it too?
> 
> Yoosung: Yeah!
> 
> Yoosung: I was playing LOLOL
> 
> Yoosung: but my **phone rang** so I came in,
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: but nothing seems to be out of the ordinary.
> 
> Yoosung: Should I ask Seven?
> 
> Jiyeon: I’ll leave a message for you~
> 
> Yoosung: Please do!
> 
> Yoosung: I was so surprised that I left without completing the quest.
> 
> Yoosung: My guild members are gonna hate me for disappearing like that …
> 
> Yoosung: Please tell Seven that I need him to check my messenger!
> 
> Yoosung: I’m practically allergic to server maintenance,
> 
> Yoosung: but I do know that it’s the only way to prevent problems.
> 
> Jiyeon: I’m sure it’s nothing unusual

Jiyeon didn’t believe her own words. With how things had been going for her lately, she wouldn’t be surprised if the hacker had anything to do with it. But she didn’t tell Yoosung this; it’d only freak him out.

He went back to gaming and Jiyeon went back to thinking, making a trip back to the living room to turn off her DS and grab her water. The rain was still coming down hard and Jiyeon was glad she’d gone shopping today rather than tomorrow. She didn’t doubt it’d be sprinkling all of tomorrow.

1 am crawled around and Jiyeon was no closer to falling asleep then she was before. Reluctantly she picked up her phone, browsing through the messenger. Her finger hovered over the ‘call’ button.

 _Will he be mad at me?_ She chewed on her lip, fingers picking at the scabs on her leg through the thin fabric of her pajama pants. _I hope not._

 _“Gahhhh … you called …”_ Jiyeon felt a stone drop in her stomach at his words. _“I think my brain’s broken … do you know that I can’t really take all the calls I get? There’s a risk it’s bugged.”_

Her shoulders slumped. This was a bad idea. “I—sorry,” she mumbled. “I can hang up. I’m sorry.”

 _“Ah, no … there’s a way to take care of that! Here, I’ll show you.”_ Seven cleared his throat before saying, in a serious voice, _“So you transferred 5 million dollars to a Swiss bank account? And the deadline is in three days … for laundering political funds … I think you need to pay more than that.”_

Jiyeon frowned. “What?”

 _“You’re pretending not to know? Are you trying to back out now?”_ She shivered at the cold tone in his voice. _“Now! Mr. Judge!! This is all just acting! I was acting as bait to expose that man’s cowardly schemes!”_

 _“Oh, not judge. I mean, everyone in the agency. Anyways, you just have to do something like that.”_ Seven’s tone was bright again and Jiyeon breathed out in relief. _“Anyways, why did you call?”_

“Uh …” she hesitated. Should she tell the truth? Seven already had so much work—bothering him over something as stupid as an strange noise and voicemail was stupid. “I … I was just wondering how you’re doing.”

_Not a lie. Just not the whole truth._

_“I’m fine, thank you. And you?”_ He said in English. Jiyeon blinked; she didn’t know he was fluent. Or maybe he wasn’t and he was just repeating something he’d heard? _“That’s how cliche OK I’m doing. I’m fine if you’re OK. Just … don’t open the door to strangers and if you see a wolf in a red hood, ask to show his hands and just bang it with an ax. … Oh, but you don’t have an ax, right? Just ignore it then.”_

“What are you talking about?” She said back, in English, with a laugh. “Am I Little Red Riding Hood now?”

 _“Yes!”_ Seven said, in English. _“So you really are fluent with English, huh?”_

“Oh … uh, yeah. You are too?”

Seven laughed. _“I’m fluent in 17 different languages; English is just one of them.”_ Jiyeon coughed in surprise. _“You alright?”_

“17!?” She squeaked. “How do you know so many?”

 _“Hmm … work as an agent does that to a person.”_ he hummed. _“Anyways, if that’s all, I should get back to work. I’ve actually been able to focus on my agency work … it’s a miracle.”_ He sighed heavily, sounding just as exhausted as usual. Jiyeon couldn’t help but wonder when the last time he’d gotten a good night’s sleep was. _“Time goes by fast when you talk to me, right? That’s one of my charms~!”_

Jiyeon smiled slightly. “One of many,” she chirped back. “Try not to overwork yourself, Seven!”

_“Can’t promise! Anyways, talk to you later. Bye!”_

Jiyeon wasn’t sure why her stomach was fluttering when he hung up and why she felt so disappointed. Although she enjoyed talking to the rest of the RFA, she never felt … disappointed when they had to go. Everyone had stuff to do.

What was wrong with her?

Jiyeon eyed the medication after she’d finished brushing, the mouthwash already measured out. _Seven told me to take these yesterday, right?_ She thought, fingering one of the bottles. _But … it’s been so long._

_I don’t want to take them. But I don’t want to disappoint him._

“Then again, it’s not like he’ll know …” Jiyeon said quietly. Still, she found herself uncapping each bottle and taking out her dosage. In the end, six pills stared back at her, sitting in the cap of one of the bottles. “But maybe I should.”

She exhaled shakily, putting the mouthwash down and moving to the bedroom to grab her cup, pills still in hand.

It took ten minutes, but Jiyeon managed to convince herself to take them; _Just this once,_ she’d said to herself. _Once or twice won’t hurt. It takes a few weeks to start working after all._

She twisted the cap back on and swished her mouth out with the mouthwash, feeling it burn her gums and teeth, and when she spit it out she wandered back to the bed and collapsed face first into it, ignoring how the edge of the bed pressed into her sore thighs.

The rain continued to fall against the windows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback? I really hope everyone likes this chapter more than I do. Thanks for reading!


	6. Day 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo this chapter is where things start to get a bit weird. The timelines are being chopped up and spaced around—this story will be covering V's, 707's, and Zen's routes since those are the ones I've played. However, they'll be happening alongside each other ... which means things won't happen as fast as in the game, because otherwise it would become hectic. It's already a real challenge to fit it all together, but I have a timeline so I don't lose track. But! 707's route is the main focus, so all the other route's events will happen /around/ the events of his route. 
> 
> Meanwhile, Jiyeon continues to get worse. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get start to make progress. Something worth noting: Jiyeon speaks to her parents in formal/polite Korean only. I can't really convey that well through English text but it does matter in the future.
> 
> Trigger warnings for this chapter: Self-harm, noted with bold underlined **
> 
> Note: Updates will likely be once every two days from here on out

The sound of classical music played through the headphones and Jiyeon sighed, letting her eyes slip shut as she turned the volume up as loud as it would go. Idly her fingers began to drum against the bed sheets to the tune and she found herself humming softly.

“In a month I’ll be home,” she said softly. Despite her eyes being drowsy she was still unable to fall asleep. The sedative portion of her medication was beginning to kick in hard but her body was resisting. “And then I’ll be able to play as much piano as I want.”

She couldn’t hear herself talk over the music but she didn’t particularly care. Rachmaninov’s prelude in G-minor had just ended, moving onto Chopin’s winter etude. They weren’t her own recordings of the pieces—those were stashed away in a folder on her computer, never to be seen or looked at by anyone but herself—but she still tried to pick apart the performance and find things that could’ve been done better.

“Right hand could be louder,” she mumbled. “More—no … that’s too much.” She sighed, opening her eyes and blinking slowly up at the dark ceiling. The shadows fanned out across the room, forming shapes that she pointedly ignored. No need to freak herself out while trying to fall asleep.

The music dulled for a moment as an alert came in and Jiyeon winced when she turned her screen on, immediately turning down the brightness to its lowest setting, and began to read through the messages she’d missed.

And … wow, Jaehee was  _ pissed.  _ Jiyeon felt a bit bad for laughing at the situation, but really it was all she could do; she joked around with Seven and tried her best to defend him against Jaehee’s accusations—because Jiyeon  _ knew how overworked he was— _ but in the end there wasn’t much she could do. She didn’t want to anger Jaehee and risk whatever friendship they’d developed … Jiyeon just hoped Seven wouldn’t take it too personally.

> Jaehee Kang:  **Isn’t it your fault that there is a bug in the first place?**
> 
> 707: But right now
> 
> 707: it’s an
> 
> 707: EMERGENCY!!!
> 
> Jaehee Kang: 
> 
> Jiyeon: Everyone! Make room! 
> 
> 707: Yes, make room! Move over!
> 
> 707: We must destroy our enemies!
> 
> 707: Princess, I will be your knight in shining armor!!!
> 
> Jaehee Kang: You two … are truly a match made in heaven.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: You make a great couple.

Jiyeon felt her heart skip a beat.  _ Couple? We aren’t a couple. We’re just friends. _

_ Can you really be friends after only five days, though?  _ Part of her brain whispered.  _ He might be playing you. He’s probably lying.  _

That thought caused her mood to drop a bit and her shoulders slumped. The music continued to blare into her ears but suddenly she didn’t feel like classical music anymore—she switched her playlist to an American band she’d found a few months ago while she continued to read the messages.

> 707: This great messenger
> 
> 707: that I, 707 the Great, invented
> 
> 707: has been hacked!!!!

Jiyeon exhaled shakily.  _ I wonder what he’d think if he knew I’ve gotten a call from Unknown. Would he worry more?  _

_ … Probably. _

She couldn’t tell him. 

> Jiyeon: The hacker is probably looking for information, right?
> 
> Jiyeon: You guys said that the past parties were pretty high profile … so whoever would want information on that is someone to look into.
> 
> 707: Jiyeon is right.
> 
> 707: However …
> 
> 707: Since this is three times the messenger has been hacked in the past few days, I have no choice but to think they’re somehow related.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: You mean the ‘Unknown’ that sent Jiyeon here?
> 
> 707: We’ll have to see … but yes, that’s my current theory.
> 
> 707: The only thing is … 
> 
> 707:  **we don’t have any evidence!**

Jiyeon thought back to the voicemail. She hadn’t deleted it yet, despite the fact that she probably should’ve; it’d slipped her mind in her panic.

It was decided that everyone would get guards; except her, of course, and Jiyeon would be lying if she said the thought of being alone made her on edge. But having guards surrounding her at all times …?

_ Yeah … I’ll pass. _

But Seven did get her permission to turn on the CCTV cameras—even though the thought of someone watching her made her want to curl up in bed and never get out.

_ He’s going to see my disgusting body,  _ she realized, after the discussion was done and over with.  _ He’s going to see it if I cut. He’ll see everything I do. _

Jiyeon felt her breathing hitch, terror smashing into her, and she trembled, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them tightly. “No … no.” She mumbled the word to herself between shuddering breaths. “Why did I agree?”

Seven was long gone from the chat room and Jiyeon had a feeling that if she called and asked him not to watch he’d get suspicious.  _ What if he thinks I’m trying to hide something? _

Tears pulled at her eyes and Jiyeon forced herself not to whimper. Seven hadn’t said if the cameras could pick up sound or not and the last thing she wanted was for him to hear her crying.

Her heart pounded in her chest and Jiyeon felt her entire body twitch violently. Her hands gripped at her hair tightly, scrambling for something,  _ anything to hold onto.  _ The pain dragged her panic riddled brain back enough for her to think.

_ I’ll wear more layers. No jeans, no leggings. Only pajama and sweatpants. It’ll hide enough. He won’t notice. _

_ He can’t notice. Please don’t notice. Please don’t look. _

The walls were closing in on her and Jiyeon pressed her forehead against her knees, gasping desperately for air— _ five things you can see. Four things you can touch.  Three things you can hear. Two things you can smell. One thing you can taste. _

_ I can see a computer. A desk chair. Clothes, a dresser, and a door. _

_ I can feel the sheets, I can feel my bones, I can feel the fabric of my pajamas, I can feel … _

She struggled for a fourth one.  _ I can feel … the mattress. _

By the time she’d finished counting Jiyeon’s panic had calmed a bit, though not entirely. Her hands were still shaking and she forced herself to her feet, pulling on a third layer before hesitantly creeping out into the hallway, looking for the camera that she hadn’t even noticed until now. “Are they on yet?” She wondered, her hands twitching from her nerves. “Seven, if you can hear me … text me something.”

She stood there for a good thirty seconds before her shoulders relaxed, and she offered a wave to the camera before heading back to the bedroom and collapsing onto the bed. Although she was still terrified— _ he’s watching me he’s going to see everything I have to be careful— _ the fact that he didn’t seem to have sound was a relief.

_ Maybe his maid is watching. Maybe there’s sound and he just isn’t there.  _ Jiyeon curled into the blankets, letting her damp cheek rest against the cold pillow as she tried to calm her frantic breaths and heart rate.  _ I’ll ask later. He won’t be mad. It’s a legitimate question. _

_ Please don’t be mad at me. _

* * *

Jiyeon was awoken at ten past seven by the shrill sound of her phone ringing—she fumbled for the electronic, struggling to grab it in her post awakening daze, and barely registered her mother’s contact information before she accepted the call.

“H-Hi mom.” She yawned, not bothering to sit up in bed. Her eyes drifted shut. “How are you doing?”

_ “I’m doing great! Me and your father are just about to leave for dinner.”  _ Her mother sounded just as excited as she did every week and Jiyeon couldn’t help but wonder where all that energy went to.  _ “We’re seeing a show tonight, so I thought I’d call when I had the chance. I know we’re a day early, but tomorrow we have a lot planned so we won’t be able to call you.” _

Jiyeon sighed softly. “Mom … it’s barely past seven in Korea.” Her voice was slurred and her body ached to fall back asleep. “Remember? Fourteen hour—” she yawned again, “—d-difference. It’s already Saturday here.”

_ “Oh, that’s right … did I wake you? I’m sorry, dear.”  _ Her mother didn’t sound the least bit apologetic; not that she expected her to.  _ “Would you like to talk to your father?” _

“I … sure,” she mumbled, despite wanting nothing more than to hang up the call and roll back over asleep. “For a bit.”

There was the sound of the phone being transferred and Jiyeon couldn’t help instinctively being shocked into a bit of alertness at his voice.  _ “Have you been eating?” _

_ Of course that’s the first thing he asks. As usual.  _ Still, Jiyeon forced her voice to be even as she responded. “Yes, dad. I made japchae yesterday. There’s a lot leftover, so I’ll eat more today.”

_ “Make something more hearty for your meals. You’ll never put on any weight if you don’t; no man will want you like you are now.”  _ Jiyeon hissed out a breath, her hand shaking from how tightly she was gripping her phone.  _ “Men like something to grab.” _

Jiyeon said nothing, long used to her father’s lectures on the subject by now. She knew better than to argue with her father when he got into this kind of mood.

“Do you have any suggestions?” She asked tiredly, rolling onto her side. “Ask mom or something.”

Her father mumbled something to himself before replying,  _ “I’ll give the phone back.” _

Thanks to the two of them having to go to dinner Jiyeon didn’t have to talk for much longer; she was recommended six different main dishes to make from her mother and Jiyeon didn’t mention to her mother that she didn’t like over half of the ones listed.

_ They never bother to remember anyways,  _ she thought, but there was no malice behind those thoughts. Just weary resignation.  _ It’s so much easier to just listen and ignore her advice than try to remind her that I’ve never liked the foods she suggests. _

Her parents let her go after that with a vague comment about sending her some money later that day rather than next week and Jiyeon dug her nails into the cuts on her leg as punishment.  _ If I’d just been more patient and not complained to Jumin, he wouldn’t have had to give me money in the first place. _

_ I’m so selfish. _

Jiyeon exhaled shakily after they’d hung up, squeezing her eyes shut. Her skin was itching again. The burn from her legs, scabs freshly ripped off, and aggravated from the sudden assault from her nails reminded her not to; she’d just go too deep. Her legs couldn’t take anymore abuse until they healed up a bit; but considering her habits of picking at her wounds, that wasn’t going to be for awhile.

_ I need another anxiety pill,  _ she realized when she felt her chest begin to constrict.  _ I can’t do this. I can’t keep going like this. _

It wasn’t until she’d swallowed three more of the klonopin that Jiyeon realized what she’d done. Her stomach twisted—that was another reason she’d stopped taking her meds; because she abused the klonopin when her anxiety got too bad. They had the added effect of being a sedative, which was one of the reasons her doctor had prescribed them in the first place; killed two birds with one stone by tackling her anxiety and insomnia with one pill.

Three of them at seven thirty in the morning, though?

_ God. I’m so stupid. _

Jiyeon collapsed on the couch with two blankets wrapped around her shoulders instead of her usual one, letting herself curl into the cushions of the couch.  _ I can never do anything right. _

Vaguely she realized that it was too early to be hating on herself so much—but her mood had already been low from the panic earlier in the night and it was dampened even more from the her parent’s call. She didn’t know how to drag it back up. 

Jiyeon didn’t realize she’d dozed off until she heard her phone ringing again. Her movements were sluggish she dragged herself off the couch and over to her phone.

_ “It’s me … um … I’m sorry,”  _ Seven began.  _ “I’m sure you’re surprised. I should’ve known better than to let hackers attack you … I don’t know what to say.” _

“It’s … fine.” Jiyeon felt heavy. “I know you didn’t mean for it to happen, so you don’t have to beat yourself up about it.”

_ “It’s not fine!”  _ She jumped at the sudden raise in volume.  _ “Aren’t you scared at all? This situation is so serious!” _

She chewed on her lip, blinking tiredly and doing her best to ignore how uneased she was. Jiyeon hated when people yelled at her. “I am afraid … but it’s not like I can do anything. So I can’t let that fear take over. I just have to keep going.”

Seven sighed and Jiyeon glanced at the camera in the corner of the room. He was probably watching her right now as they talked.  _ “You know … actually, it’s been a really long time since someone has attacked me this aggressively. I fixed everything back then so I thought everything was fine, but now this is happening again … I’m so sorry. I've fixed it again, but I don't know if anything else will happen.” _

“No, no … please, don’t apologize.” Guilt pooled in her stomach and although Jiyeon was still drowsy as a side effect of her medication she forced herself to sit up fully, wrapping her blankets around her form so she was hidden from the neck down. “Seven, you couldn’t have known this would happen.”

_ “I should’ve been prepared for it to, though. I have to be prepared at all times … I can’t let my guard down, but I did.”  _ It hurt to hear him so vulnerable; Jiyeon wished she could help more, but all she could do was talk through the phone to him and hope it helped.  _ “Back in college, my friends I would create new apps and bet on who could hack into one first … no one could hack my apps back then.” _

“Speaking of which … what was your major in if you’re so good at hacking? Was it computer science? I know it involves a lot of programming and coding knowledge, but I'm not really sure …”

Seven hesitated.  _ “Oh … oops. I shouldn’t have said that. Sorry, Jiyeon; it’s a secret where I went and what I studied. But I can tell you that I graduated early. But really …who the hell would hack the system, anyways? Who would be good enough to do it?” _

Jiyeon thought for a moment. “Maybe someone from the ‘hackers chasing hackers’ group? But … no, you said the RFA was a secret, right? So then it’d have to be someone who knows.”

_ “But who knows? I mean … there’s that Unknown person who sent you here, but how did he even know in the first place?”  _ Seven groaned.  _ “I talked to V yesterday but I barely had a thing to tell him about the situation. Nothing concrete.” _

She picked at the scabs through her pants, flinching when the scab pulled painfully at the sensitive skin surrounding it. “V called me too, but he didn’t end up saying anything about why he called since he hung up so fast.”

_ “V called you?”  _ He asked in surprise.  _ “He rarely talks to anyone but me these days.” _

Jiyeon shrugged to hide the way her expression tightened as the scab was ripped off. It took all her self control to not make any sound. “Is that a good thing?”

_ “Probably. … I hope the other systems are OK … Rika asked me to make sure the apartment’s security system is secure more than anything else. I put a lot of care into it. Never thought this would happen.” _

Jiyeon pulled her knees to her chest and rested her chin on the blankets covering them. “This is all my fault, isn’t it? I’m sorry. If I’d just ignored the stupid email and did what I was supposed to—”

She cut herself off before she could say anything else, forcing herself to breathe in and out a few times to calm the sudden panic that had taken over.  _ “No; this isn’t your fault, Jiyeon! It’s possible that if you hadn’t gone, the hacker would’ve sent someone else. Besides …”  _ he paused before admitting,  _ “I’m glad you came.” _

Jiyeon felt warm from his words, despite the panic in her system.  _ I hope he’s not lying to make me feel better. _

“I … guess you’re right.” She smiled lightly, but it was only surface deep. “I’ll wait and trust in you, alright? Please do your best.”

_ “Good choice! Heroes become stronger when they have someone to protect!”  _ Jiyeon was glad to hear his voice lighten; it helped her nerves.  _ “Since I have you trusting and waiting for me, I feel more motivated to work hard!” _

_ “I pledge that I, 707, will get through this situation and make sure that you are safe once again!”  _ Jiyeon leaned her head over the back of the couch and stretched her legs out on the couch, ignoring the twinge of pain from the injuries.  _ “How about it? Pretty reliable, huh?” _

“Just make sure to prioritize,” Jiyeon reminded him. “You have a lot of work from your agency, right? So … you should try to get it done so you can give your full, undivided attention to the RFA.”

_ “ … I guess so. … Ooh—it’s time for that now! It’s time to go on a date with my babies right now. I sit on the driver’s seat once a day to ask them if everything was OK today, if they’re feeling fine, and if the gas tasted good …”  _ She giggled. 

_ How silly; they’re just cars. _

“So are you a good driver then?” She asked. “You should teach me how to drive.”

_ “Sure! I’d love to teach you to drive one of my babies~. They drive so smoothly, you’ll be disappointed when you get in any other car.”  _ Seven cleared his throat and continued,  _ “So look forward to it! Now, I’ll go.” _

“Bye bye.” She offered a small wave to the camera and heard Seven laugh on the other end. “Have fun, be safe, follow traffic laws.”

_ “Got it! See ya.” _

Jiyeon realized after he’d hung up that she forgot ask about whether or not the camera’s picked up sound; she supposed she’d just ask him some other time. After unwrapping herself from the blankets she stumbled over to the bedroom to get her water cup, refilling it and drinking the entire thing before refilling it again. Talking to Seven had helped with her grogginess, but Jiyeon knew that she’d just have to wait it out.

* * *

> Zen: I just met the director.
> 
> Zen: I …
> 
> Zen: got a new role and it’s amazing!

Jiyeon blinked.  _ I thought he already accepted a new role? _

> Jiyeon: Didn’t you already accept a lead role though? I remember you said you were practicing for it in the basement.
> 
> Zen: Yes, you’re right.
> 
> Zen: But when I got this role, I gave that one to someone else.
> 
> Jiyeon: You can do that?
> 
> Zen: Yup.
> 
> Zen:  **This is a much bigger production.**
> 
> Zen: For this one …
> 
> Zen: I’ll be acting with a famous celebrity that acts on TV!
> 
> **Jaehee Kang has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Hello Zen, Jiyeon
> 
> Jiyeon: Hi Jaehee.
> 
> Jiyeon: Did you see what Zen said?
> 
> Jaehee Kang: 
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Congratulations, Zen.
> 
> Jiyeon: yeah, congrats
> 
> Zen: Thanks ^^
> 
> Zen: The director says that if I do well on this one, I might start acting on TV now.

“Oh, that’s great; he did say he wanted to do that,” Jiyeon mused aloud. She was leaned up against the coffee table, a pillow underneath her butt for cushioning. “I hope this works out for him …”

Zen went on to tell them that  _ Echo Girl  _ was going to be acting with him and Jiyeon nearly choked on the drink of water she’d just taken. Jaehee seemed similarly surprised, though still happy for Zen.

> Zen: lolol so you booked trust-fund to go to the middle east?
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Yes …
> 
> Jaehee Kang:  **It will be a meeting and a business trip~**
> 
> Jaehee Kang:  **…^^**
> 
> Jiyeon: Always gotta be prepared for those fluctuating oil prices.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Yes, you understand so well.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: I do whatever I can for the company’s future.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: 
> 
> **707 has entered the chat room**
> 
> 707: akhkfdw;sd
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Seven, hello.
> 
> 707: @fjwpasf;#
> 
> 707: :3sd23l#s[
> 
> Jiyeon: lwotjsmf;;
> 
> Zen: Stop with the spam ;;;
> 
> Jaehee Kang:  **Please stop there ^^**
> 
> 707: djwbns
> 
> 707: omjtewk
> 
> Jaehee Kang: 
> 
> 707: ..
> 
> 707: .
> 
> 707: ok
> 
> Jaehee Kang: That reminds me of the reason I came to the chat room.
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Have you found anything about the hacker?
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: Not yet …
> 
> 707: To be honest, I haven’t had much of a chance to look.
> 
> 707:  **I have so much work for the agency …!!**
> 
> 707: Can’t focus …
> 
> 707: Sorry T_T
> 
> Jiyeon: It’s fine! Just get your work done so you can focus.
> 
> 707: T_T
> 
> 707: I will!
> 
> 707: I’ve made progress …
> 
> 707: half done
> 
> 707: 
> 
> 707: yet I still
> 
> 707: have
> 
> 707: so
> 
> 707:  **much!!**
> 
> Jaehee Kang: Don’t increase the font size.
> 
> Zen: Jiyeon, are you safe enough by yourself? You don’t have any guards to help you out.

Jiyeon looked up at the camera again and waved.

> 707: aaaahhhh
> 
> 707: you waved T_T
> 
> Jiyeon: :3
> 
> Jiyeon: also Zen, don’t worry. I think I’m the safest out of us all, since my location is a secret.
> 
> Zen: Yes, but the hacker who sent you knows where you are …
> 
> Zen: It doesn’t feel right to leave a girl to fend for herself.
> 
> Jiyeon: It’s k
> 
> Jiyeon: I’ve got God Seven watching over me.
> 
> 707: Yeah!
> 
> 707: I’ve been checking the CCTV
> 
> 707: every 2.35 seconds
> 
> 707:  **and nothing strange has happened!!**
> 
> Zen: … Isn’t that a bit much?
> 
> 707: Looking at the screen makes me so frustrated …
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh, I knew you were checking! I could feel it!
> 
> 707: We even locked our eyes once, right!?
> 
> Jaehee Kang:  **… Isn’t it a bit strange to communicate through CCTV?**
> 
> Zen: Well, it’s the best they can do …
> 
> Zen: It still doesn’t feel right but I can’t do anything about it.
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> 707: I’d rather
> 
> 707:  **go to Jiyeon and protect her myself!**
> 
> 707: But there’s nothing I can do …!!
> 
> Jiyeon: just finish your agency work quickly! Then you’ll be free
> 
> 707: Free …
> 
> 707: I’m never free of this hell T_T

Jiyeon didn’t know how Seven managed to find time to make a robot-dog that spit out fire, but she was impressed. Especially if he’d only done it within the last few hours—while he’d been working as well.

_ Seven really is a genius …  _ _ I can’t even compare. I may be an engineering major but it’d take me so long to make that. _

Zen and Jaehee didn’t like the fire-robot-dog nearly as much as she did, but she could see where they were coming from. She supposed she was a bit biased considering her major and the fact that she was friends with Seven … but the thing really was cute.

Jiyeon ignored the call from Jumin that came in a while after the chat had ended.  _ He’s only going to be angry at you for ignoring him,  _ her brain reminded her.  _ You’re making an enemy out of a powerful man. He could ruin you. _

Jiyeon simply hugged her knees to her chest and let the call go to voicemail.

* * *

_ “You know … I didn’t tell anyone else this, but honestly, I’m so nervous about this new role.”  _ Zen sighed and Jiyeon shifted her grip on the phone so she was holding it closer to her ear.  _ “It’s a big production and a lot of people have their eyes on it …” _

Zen trailed off before continuing with,  _ “When it was confirmed that I got the role, they told me the likely venue. And oh … my God … I can’t tell you where yet since this theater is still on the waiting list, but this is by far the largest stage I’ve ever stood in, even though I’ve been on a lot of stages.” _

Jiyeon hummed, leaning back against the counter while she waited for the timer to go off. She was making some of the frozen mandu she’d bought yesterday. “Is there a standard size for stage sizes? I’ve never seen any but the ones from my high school.”

_ “Not at all,”  _ he told her.  _ “They come in all different sizes. This one is just … huge.” _

“Well, I’m sure you’ll do great,” she said lightly. “Jaehee said you’re an amazing actor and she wouldn’t make that up.”

Zen laughed a bit.  _ “True, I am great at what I do. But … really, this is more stressful than I thought it’d be. I hope you don’t mind me telling you; I don’t think I can tell anyone else about how I feel.” _

“I don’t mind at all,” Jiyeon replied. “I’m here to help you and everyone else … so don’t worry about it. Alright? Just call me whenever and I’ll do my best to help.

_ “Jiyeon … you’re too nice for your own good. You’re going to be taken advantage of one day if you keep up that mindset.”  _ She frowned at his scolding.  _ “But thanks. The same offer applies to you. If you ever need someone to listen, I’m ready to listen to whatever you’ve got to say; alright?” _

_ I don’t deserve that.  _ The thought was immediate and Jiyeon resisted the urge to pinch herself.  _ I don’t deserve that kindness. If he knew anything about me he’d think the same. _

But she kept those thoughts to herself, instead forcing a cheer into her voice. “Thanks, Zen. But I’m fine. What were you saying about being nervous?”

_ “Oh … right. Well … I am a bit anxious about this. I have to do a good job for this one … I must. But I feel frustrated and nervous since the script and songs aren’t in my head yet.”  _ He sighed again and Jiyeon glanced at the timer to see how long until he had to remove the lid.  _ “I can’t really practice when I’m nervous like this, actually. So I need to loosen up a bit.” _

“I bet the whole body guard and hacker situation isn’t helping either …” Jiyeon chewed on her bottom lip. She'd laughed earlier at Zen's predicament with the bodyguards and felt bad about it afterwards. But she was in a position to laugh considering she didn't have to deal with them. At least Yoosung was happy with his. “But I think you’ll do a great job; you’ve been working towards this for a long time, right?”

_ “Right. I’ve practiced so hard until now; I need to take myself higher. I can’t lock myself in this endless cycle of rehearsals, can I?” _

The timer went off and Jiyeon quickly hit the off button, lifting the lid off the pan. She quickly moved her hand away so it wouldn’t get burned by the steam that came out. “Yeah.”

Zen sounded noticeably lighter when he spoke next.  _ “Thanks, Jiyeon. You’ve done a lot for me and the RFA as a whole since you joined. Although it was some malicious hacker who lead you here, I’m glad he did.” _

“I haven’t done much … but thanks?” She stood on her tiptoes to reach for one of the plates in the cupboard. “I’m going to keep doing my best for everyone.”

_ I have to keep working. If I stop, then they’ll get rid of me.  _ Jiyeon twitched her fingers at the thought, the urge to pick at her cuts growing stronger by the second.  _ I can’t let that happen. _

_ “Oh yeah … that reminds me. You don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable, but are you avoiding trust-fund?” _

She froze. “Uh …” Jiyeon struggled for an appropriate answer that wouldn’t sound like a lie. “N-Not really?”

_ “So yes?”  _

“… Not really.”

Zen sighed.  _ “You’re upset about what he said last night, right? Don’t let his words get to you; that guy always thinks he knows best, but more often than not he doesn’t. You know your body better than he does.”  _ Jiyeon turned off the stove, seeing that all of the water had been cooked off, and went about putting them on the plate.  _ “So don’t let his words affect you too much, alright?” _

Unsure on what to say, Jiyeon fell back to her usual response—deflecting. “You should remember that too, Zen. You get really riled up around him.” She placed the plate of mandu at the table and slid into the seat. “Anyways, my food is ready, so I should go eat.”

_ “I should get back to reading the script,”  _ Zen agreed.  _ “I’ll talk to you later, Jiyeon.” _

“Yup. See you later.”

Jiyeon ate slowly, with both her phone and the TV serving as a distraction, and by the time she finished she’d gone through two episodes of the superhero cartoon she’d been watching yesterday. It was cuter than she expected for it to be, although there seemed to only be a few episodes dubbed in Korean from what her research had shown. She’d considered watching it in English, only to realize she’d have to use a computer to do so.

She didn’t notice her notification light was blinking on her phone until she was finished eating and the girl quickly unlocked her phone to check the message.

> **_707:_ ** _ [Are u watching cartoons? lol] _

Jiyeon felt her cheeks heat up. She looked up to check what the camera could see and—yup, from its position the entire living room, including the TV screen, was visible.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Um.] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Yes.] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Is that a problem?] _

Seven’s response was fast.

> **_707:_ ** _ [lol not at all] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [I think it’s cute~~] _

Jiyeon looked up at the camera and offered an embarrassed grin before typing out a response.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I’m not cute. I’m fierce.] _
> 
> _ - _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [lolol ur like a cat] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [Cute AND fierce.] _

Jiyeon brought her plate into the kitchen, washing it out in the sink and putting it on the drying rack.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [meh] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Hey, Seven … do you mind if I ask a question?] _
> 
> -
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [Nope. What’s up?] _

Jiyeon stared at her phone for a long moment before reluctantly typing out her question.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Do the CCTV cameras you have installed in here pick up on sound?] _

Seven took a few minutes to respond, during which Jiyeon relocated to the bathroom so she could shower. As she was starting up the water, her phone vibrated from its spot on the counter.

> **_707:_ ** _ [No, just images.] _
> 
> **_707:_ ** _ [Why, do you have something to hide? ;3] _

The added emoji helped Jiyeon not freak out at his question, but her chest still tightened when she read over it.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [No. I was just curious.] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Anyways, I’m gonna shower now] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [ttyl] _

* * *

_ "When you work as a special agent, you have to constantly observe people to find the right time to attack,”  _ Seven informed her when she'd asked about it.  _ “Then you start noticing a couple of the person’s hidden habits. Sometimes that provides us an opportunity and sometimes it can just get annoying … do you have any habits?” _

Jiyeon hummed. “I dunno,” she teased. “Shouldn’t you know Mr. Special Agent? You’ve been watching me every 2.35 seconds, right?”

Seven stuttered on the other line and she giggled.  _ “Gahh … yes. Not in a weird way or anything! It’s just … easy to look over and see you.” _

“Hmm,” she dragged the noise out. “I think you’re stalling.”

_ “I—OK, yes. I’ve noticed some stuff.”  _ Jiyeon blinked in surprise. It hadn’t even been a fully day yet and he’d already noticed something?  _ “Whenever you sit, you bring at least one leg up onto whatever you’re sitting at.” _

Jiyeon realized she was sitting with one leg pulled up on the bed and one hanging off the edge. She promptly lowered it. “Ah—is it that noticeable?”

_ “I don’t think I’ve seen you have both legs down for more than a few seconds! Even when you were eating you had one up.”  _ Jiyeon’s cheeks flushed red.  _ “It’s cute.” _

“I’m not cute,” she shot back.  _ You should know this if you’ve been watching. I’m disgusting looking.  _

She kept that thought to herself.

_ “You are~ a cute little kitty.”  _ Jiyeon pulled a pillow off the bed and hugged it to her face.  _ “You’ve even meowed for me.” _

She groaned. “Agh … I was only playing when I did!”

_ “Meow meow~”  _ Seven laughed.  _ “I’m not as good at it as you are, but I think I can do a good impression.” _

_ How did he end up flustering me? I thought I had the situation under control.  _ Jiyeon lowered the pillow so she was simply holding it to her chest.  _ Two can play at this game. _

“Meow~,” she offered, a grin coming to her lips, “God Seven, your assistant is here. What would you like me to do, meow?”

Seven was silent for a good two seconds and that was all it took for Jiyeon’s good mood to fall. Her stomach tightened and suddenly her throat was tight— _ I messed up. I took it too far. _

_ “Oh … my God. I think I’ve died.”  _ Seven groaned.  _ “Now I’m thinking things I shouldn’t be … gahh! How will I work with this in my head!?” _

Jiyeon wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad response, but at least he hadn’t yelled at her. “S-Sorry.” She apologized, not willing to risk him growing angry with her. “I—um … sorry.”

_ “I’ll never forget that. Never.”  _ Jiyeon was taken aback by the sudden serious tone of voice. Did she mess up after all?  _ “It was too cute. Too much.” _

Suddenly, his tone changed entirely.  _ “Hey—let’s play a gane of rock paper scissors! Ready? Rock, paper, scissors!” _

Jiyeon blinked at the sudden change in topic, but instinctively curled her hand into a fist.  _ “What’d you pick?” _

“Uh—” she looked down at her hand. “Rock.”

_ “Oh yeah, I won!”  _ Seven cheered and Jiyeon let her shoulders relax a bit. Maybe he wasn’t mad at her?  _ “Whoot whoot!! I feel so fresh after winning. It’s a good morning—I mean, a good afternoon!” _

Jiyeon laid flat on the bed, squishing the pillow between her torso and the bed. “I demand a rematch! Best two out of three!”

_ “Huh? Do I hear a challenge? Very well! Rock, paper, scissors!” _

“Rock!”

_ “Rock! One more time; rock, paper, scissors!” _

Jiyeon laid her hand flat. “Paper.”

_ “Haha! I win again! Undefeated champion here!” _

Jiyeon pouted a bit, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. “Aw. I thought I’d won for sure.”

_ “No need to be sad, challenger! It was a fun match regardless. Haha … rock paper scissors over the phone is fun. At times, you need to freshen things up to work better! The more difficult your work is, the more you need time to let go and go cray cray!” _

“You must do a lot of difficult work then,” she said, before pointing out, “you always let go.”

_ “Indeed, I do. But it’s more fun when I let go with you! Lalalalalala~ I like you~~ You like me~~” _

_ Jesus. I think my heart just skipped a beat.  _ Ignoring her flushed cheeks Jiyeon sang it back to him. “Lalalalalala~ I like you~~ You like me~~.”

_ “Yay~ I wanna go somewhere with you! But I can’t~ I can’t ever~” _

Jiyeon frowned, a bit of her amusement evaporating. “Why not? What about when the party thing is over?”

_ Is he trying to tell me that I won’t be kept around after the party is finished?  _ Her anxiety flared to life with that thought and Jiyeon quickly rolled to her feet, pacing around the room.  _ Why am I surprised? I knew that already. _

_ “I’m too dangerous~ a sweet girl like you shouldn’t get involved with men like me.”  _ Seven sighed before admitting,  _ “God … acting loopy for a minute always helps my brain function again. Now it’s time to concentrate again. I played, so it’s time to focus on work.” _

“Oh … alright, then.” Jiyeon did her best to not sound dejected. “Keep up the good work!”

_ “Will do! Make sure you keep your door locked, and be safe, and have happy thoughts. OK? Bye!” _

“What was with that last part?” She wondered, picking at her scabs through her pajama pants as she thought over it. “Did he find my account? … No, probably not.”

_ He wouldn’t be talking to me if he did find it. _

Jiyeon pulled up the forum, reading through the thread she used as a personal venting place. Every-so-often someone would quote her and offer advice, but those times were far in between. Still, she checked to make sure no one had commented—and thankfully there was nothing new.

“I’m just being paranoid,” she mumbled, shoving her phone into her pocket and standing up from the bed. “Seven would have to make an account and have twenty five active posts to be allowed to see that forum.”

* * *

> Yoosung: O
> 
> Yoosung: M
> 
> Yoosung: G
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: Zen is working with Echo Girl!??
> 
> Yoosung: Ermahgerd
> 
> Yoosung: CONGRATS
> 
> Yoosung: CONGRATS
> 
> Yoosung: Zennnnn…
> 
> Yoosung: Seriously
> 
> Yoosung: how can he not know how famous Echo Girl is …!
> 
> Yoosung: Any song she releases hits number one on the charts!
> 
> Yoosung: She has so many guy fans that all of her photo books sell out in five minutes.
> 
> Jiyeon: … Wait, photo books?
> 
> Jiyeon: She has photo books?
> 
> Yoosung: Yup lolol
> 
> Yoosung: I don’t byt it
> 
> Yoosung:  **I don’t buy it.**
> 
> Yoosung: I knew Zen was getting popular but never knew he was this good …
> 
> Yoosung: I should ask for an autograph lololol
> 
> Yoosung: This is the best news to return to from a test!
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh, you had a test? How’d it go?
> 
> Yoosung: ;;;;;;
> 
> Yoosung: Awful.

As it turned out, Yoosung wasn’t very good at math—Jiyeon offered to help him out and, after a bit of convincing on her end, he finally agreed to let her help.

> Yoosung: I think I’m gonna drown my sorrows in LOLOL
> 
> Jiyeon: … Did you even study for this test? You were in the chat room earlier today during your lunch break.
> 
> Yoosung: Um …
> 
> Yoosung: Not really, haha
> 
> Jiyeon: Yoosung ;;
> 
> Yoosung: I know it’s bad!
> 
> Yoosung: But it’s been so hard to focus.
> 
> Jiyeon: Hm …
> 
> Jiyeon: I’ll help you learn to study properly as well then. Time management. 
> 
> Jiyeon: I played a lot of games during the semester, but I still almost pulled a 4.0 gpa.
> 
> Jiyeon: So I’ll teach you my ways Yoosung~

Jiyeon put her phone down with a sigh, staring at her sock-covered feet. She was wearing three pairs today rather than her usual two. Her DS was still resting on her lap; she switched out Pokemon for Animal Crossing earlier in an attempt to keep calm. Although all she’d done so far was run around the island and catch rare bugs, it had done wonders for her anxiety.

She heard the washing machine let out a small ‘ding’, alerting her that the wash cycle was done, and Jiyeon stood from the couch and exited into the hallway, pushing through the half-opened laundry room door.

Rika’s laundry room was the size of Jiyeon’s bedroom back at her apartment—not only did it have a full size washing machine but also a dryer. Considering Rika’s apartment didn’t have a balcony, Jiyeon supposed it made sense for her to have a drying machine. Aligning the walls were shelves, with detergent and laundry baskets lined up, and Jiyeon went about putting the damp clothes into the dryer.

When she returned she noticed that Seven had joined the chat and was being teased by Yoosung—and when she scrolled back up to read the messages she’d missed she froze.

_ Seven doesn’t have a crush on me,  _ was her first thought.  _ We’re just friends. He’d never like someone as disgusting as me. _

But Yoosung’s arguments were solid. Except … Seven seemed completely averse to the idea. And, as much as she hated herself for it, Jiyeon felt her heart tug when she read his words. Not only because it hurt to think he’d reject her— _ even though she didn’t deserve to be loved in the first place, it made sense, he was only doing what any other normal person would— _ but because his words were a stark echo of her own.

Even worse was that Seven seemed  _ uncomfortable with it too.  _ Which … she expected. But it still hurt.

Jiyeon forced herself not to look up at the camera in the corner of the room, instead focusing on the messages being sent into the chat room.

> 707: Gahh!!!
> 
> 707: So I made a robot. Big deal.
> 
> 707: I even manage the Tripter bot.

She blinked.

> Jiyeon: Tripter bot?
> 
> Yoosung: ??
> 
> 707: Didn’t I say??
> 
> Yoosung: What?
> 
> 707: I’ve been managing a Tripter bot
> 
> 707: that spreads Zen’s photos around.
> 
> 707: A hundred photos every day~
> 
> Jiyeon: 100!?
> 
> Jiyeon: That’s so many ;;
> 
> 707: Well it’s only the good ones of course.
> 
> 707: 
> 
> Yoosung: OMG …
> 
> Yoosung: For real!?
> 
> Jiyeon: As nice as that is … you did get permission, right?
> 
> 707: …
> 
> Yoosung:  **Right???;;**
> 
> 707: I, Seven,
> 
> 707: am
> 
> 707: A
> 
> 707: GOOD
> 
> 707: B
> 
> 707: O
> 
> 707: Y
> 
> Yoosung: 

Jiyeon sighed, leaning into her palm as she thought.  _ He’s living vicariously through Zen. Not that I blame him … since his job does mean he can’t be open about himself anywhere. _

Still, it struck her a bit wrong that Zen’s photos were being circulated without permission; then again … she doubted he would mind. Zen loved to send his selfies into the chat room and on top of that he was  _ confident  _ in his looks. 

Not that he shouldn’t be.

Jiyeon noticed her DS was blinking, alerting that the battery was running low, and she quickly saved and turned it off, plugging it into the wall. The TV was still on, with the news playing in the background, though she’d turned the volume almost too low to hear.

Yoosung tried to revive the previous topic and Seven immediately bolted—before she could even say goodbye he’d already logged out.  _ He must really be uncomfortable with that topic. _

_ Not that I’m not. I just don’t have the courage to leave. _

> Yoosung: Omg;;
> 
> Yoosung: I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.
> 
> Yoosung: Don’t you think
> 
> Yoosung: that Seven is being a bit weird …?
> 
> Jiyeon: …
> 
> Jiyeon: I think he just wants to avoid talking about his feelings is all.
> 
> Yoosung: My thoughts exactly!
> 
> Yoosung: He seemed to just flat out deny everything
> 
> Yoosung: once we started talking about dating;;
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t really blame him to be honest.
> 
> Jiyeon: I mean … we’re just friends. Right?
> 
> Yoosung: Not you too ;;
> 
> Yoosung: The way I see it …
> 
> Yoosung: it seems like he’s developed feelings for you
> 
> Yoosung: and it seems like you’ve developed feelings for him, too.
> 
> Yoosung: I can’t be as sure about you because I don’t know you well …
> 
> Yoosung: but you two are really close.
> 
> Yoosung: This is the first time I’ve seen Seven be so evasive
> 
> Yoosung: so personally, I want to see it work out …
> 
> Yoosung: Anyways,
> 
> Yoosung: Now that my test is done with
> 
> Yoosung: I can go back to gaming. Finally.
> 
> Yoosung: I thought this day would never end;;

Jiyeon smiled a bit.

> Jiyeon: have fun being a social outcast~
> 
> Yoosung: Haha.
> 
> Yoosung: If I do well though
> 
> Yoosung: I get treated like a hero!
> 
> Yoosung: Bye!
> 
> **Yoosung has left the chat room.**

It was only after the both of them left that Jiyeon let her shoulders slouch as she sunk back into the couch. 

_ God. I’m being so stupid. I already knew he didn’t like me,  _ she reminded herself, when she felt tears pull at her eyes.  _ Why the hell am I so upset? _

_ I should just make myself dinner. I need to eat. _

As she was in the process of reheating the leftover japchae and cutting the ingredients to make a small amount of fried rice, Jiyeon felt her phone buzz in her pocket.

She swore her heart stopped beating when she saw the messages.

> **_8 &1%$331#: _ ** _ [Did you already forget about me?] _
> 
> **_8 &1%$331#: _ ** _ [I hope you liked the message I left for you ^^] _

_ What do I do?  _ She stared at the messages wordlessly, frozen in the kitchen. The knife was forgotten about, resting on the cutting board.  _ How did he message me? I thought Seven said he fixed everything. _

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [What do you want?] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Why do you keep texting me?] _

She didn’t expect a reply; not really. It’d taken him a day to respond this time—she hoped it’d take just as long, if not longer, for him to reply this time.

Her hopes were not fulfilled.

> **_8 &1%$331#: _ ** _ [You can’t let yourself become enchanted by the RFA. Understand?] _
> 
> **_8 &1%$331#: _ ** _ [I found you first, after all. They can’t have you.] _

“I’m not an object,” she whispered, but she couldn’t bring herself to type that in. “Why are you talking about me like I’m one?”

_ I should really tell Seven.  _ But she hesitated. He had so much work to do already—and had been making progress, apparently. If she told him that would all stop and it would _all be her fault._ Plus ... if he hadn’t caught the fact that the hacker could still access the application, then it couldn’t be anything serious. Maybe … he was only able to text and make calls. 

That made sense, right?

Otherwise, Seven would’ve told them. He would’ve said it wasn’t secure.

_ The chat rooms are safe,  _ she told herself. She repeated it.  _ I’m safe. I’m fine. _

And on top of that … she felt hurt. Jiyeon knew it was childish … no, selfish of her to be hurt by Seven’s earlier words. They’d only known each other for a few days after all; normal people didn’t get attached in such a short time.

_ I’m not normal, though.  _ Her shoulders trembled and Jiyeon bit her lip hard.  _ He’s a friend, but I haven’t even known him for a week. _

_ He’s just a friend. It shouldn’t hurt this much. _

In the end, though, no matter how many times she tried to convince herself of those words, it didn’t work. She gave up on preparing dinner, instead placing everything back in the fridge so she could retreat to the bathroom. Jiyeon decided she’d take a bath for once rather than a shower; but as she watched the water fill the tub, she shuddered.

_ The itch is coming back. _

She tried to fight it—really, she did. But as she stared down at her legs, distorted slightly from the water around them, Jiyeon felt something inside her snap.

_ Why am I doing this?  _ She wondered, when tears formed in her eyes.  _ Why am I still here? Why is this happening? _

The room had no answer; silence greeted her question and Jiyeon swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly in an attempt to deter her tears.  _ Don’t let them fall. Don’t let them fall. _

A laugh bubbled in her throat and it ripped from her throat violently. The second the sound met the air it broke apart, shattering into pieces—and Jiyeon felt her hands grip tightly at her hair. Felt them tug, pull, scrape—she felt her nails dig into the sensitive skin of her scalp, trying to find something,  _ anything  _ to ground herself with.

_ I don’t want to cut. I don’t want to, I don’t want to. _

But even her own thoughts weren’t loud enough; they couldn’t drown out the negative ones invading her mind, the ones that had been lingering for  _ days  _ only to finally find a way out. Today's events had just been the icing on the cake; the proverbial nudge that sent her falling over the edge.

_ How long would it take before they realized?  _ Jiyeon wondered when she gripped the blade between her fingers, holding it vertically above the vein of her arm. There were numerous scars, new and old, covering the limb; some upraised, others flat.  _ This one is sharp enough. It’ll do it. It’ll end it. _

_ But I don’t want to. I don’t want to die; I just want it all to end. I want this all to stop. Why won’t it end? When will it end? _

She chickened out and dropped the blade to her legs instead; ****** and when the water was blurred with red— _ my blood,  _ her mind supplied— ****** Jiyeon felt the pieces realign themselves. Her body was on fire and her skin burned, but the pieces were going back.

“One day I won’t be afraid,” she whispered to herself, watching as the water continued to darken. “One day I’ll end this. I won’t live like this forever.”

_ If only it was that easy. _

She stayed in the rust-tinted water until it had gone cold and only then did Jiyeon shove her way out of the bath, her legs nearly buckling underneath her weight when pain shot through them. Letting out a small cry Jiyeon gripped the edge of the bath tightly, leaning all her weight onto them in an attempt to keep from falling. The water was draining around her calves, slowly getting lower and lower until there was none left.

“It hurts …” she gasped, her eyes squeezed shut. “Fuck—it hurts, oh my God …”

They weren’t deep enough to be a threat to her life, but they were deeper from the last ones and Jiyeon hoped _ —god she hoped, she begged— _ that it wasn’t fat that she saw peeking out from the insides of the wound, but rather skin.

“I’m so … I’m so stupid,” she berated herself as she hobbled out of the tub, a grimace stretched across her face as she went about drying herself off. “I should’ve just—gone for the vein.”

_ But something has changed,  _ she thought, as she gingerly dried the water off from her body and redressed in the same pajamas she was wearing earlier. The pants were already stained with blood and Jiyeon knew they’d be worse by tomorrow morning.  _ Something drastic has changed. _

Jiyeon just hoped Seven wasn’t looking at the CCTV cameras close enough to notice her limping.

* * *

_ “Are you going to make yourself dinner?”  _ Was the first thing Seven asked when she picked up his call.  _ “I noticed you haven’t left your room since you showered that second time …” _

Jiyeon sighed softly, moving carefully so that she didn’t hurt herself anymore than she already have. “I’m not feeling very good right now, so probably not.”

It wasn’t a complete lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth either. Not that it mattered—she wouldn’t let Seven know. She’d rather die.

If he knew, then he really would leave. This … friendship, or whatever it was they’d developed would evaporate into thin air, like it never existed in the first place.

_ I’ll need to wash the sheets tomorrow,  _ she noted when she looked down and saw blood had stained them.  _ Though these won’t stop bleeding for a while … maybe I should just wait. _

_ “Are you getting sick?”  _ Seven asked, and she could almost hear the frown in his voice.  _ “I wish I could bring you medicine … but I’m too busy.” _

Jiyeon forced a laugh from her throat. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I have Advil … and tea.”

_ “Hmm … well if it gets worse, let me know alright? Maybe I can figure out a way to help …” _

“Thanks—but it’s really fine,” she protested. “It’s just some soreness. It’ll go away on its own.”

The cuts would heal before the party date; even if she kept picking at the scabs the entire time, they’d heal. Not completely, but enough to not bleed anymore.

… Provided she didn’t make anymore. “What about you? Did you eat dinner, Seven?”

_ “Not yet. I was waiting until I finished this report—but I wanted to check up on you, first.”  _ He sighed heavily.  _ “It finally feels like I’m making progress with my work … and the hacker doesn’t seem to be making anymore moves, which means I don’t have to pursue him as harshly.” _

Jiyeon swallowed nervously. He hadn’t noticed the hacker was messaging her, then. She wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad thing— _ Good,  _ she supposed, after a moment of thought.  _ It means he’ll be able to get his agency work done. _

“Does that mean your agency stuff is almost done?”

_ “Yup! I should be done by tomorrow night if I really haul ass … haha … then I’ll finally have free time to fix up the RFA app.”  _ She heard his chair creak and assumed he was leaning back on it.  _ “Hopefully the hacker stays low for a li~ttle bit longer.” _

Jiyeon nodded, ignoring the way her stomach lurched at his words. It wasn’t guilt. “I hope so too.”

_ “Say … actually, do you want to meditate with me?”  _ he asked suddenly.  _ “I usually try to meditate at least once a day, but I haven’t had time to do it yet.” _

Jiyeon chuckled to herself. “Meditate? I didn’t know Catholics meditated daily.”

_ “They don’t~. But I do it anyways. It helps me keep my head clear when I’m working.”  _ Seven breathed out heavily before beginning to speak. Despite her earlier words Jiyeon allowed herself to go along with it—maybe it’d help her.

Seven’s voice was soft and quiet and despite herself Jiyeon felt the tension in her shoulders lifting as he talked. For nearly two minutes she followed along, her muscles relaxing and hands ceasing their trembles.

_ “The truth of life will only stay when you realize it for yourself,”  _ he said slowly.  _ “Develop the habit of pursuing your own truth.” _

_ My own truth …  _

_ What is the truth? _

Finally, when he stopped, Jiyeon let her eyes open. She blinked a few times, exhaling softly. “Would you believe me if I said I’ve never actually meditated before?”

_ “Really? Aren’t you Buddhist?”  _ Seven asked.  _ “Well, regardless, I hope you feel a bit clearer after meditating with me. Though speaking so slowly like that makes me sleepy … I use that voice a lot when on missions, actually.” _

“Missions?” She repeated. “What kind of missions do you go on?”

Seven hummed.  _ “Super dangerous ones … the kind you see in fairy tales!”  _ He chuckled and Jiyeon wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth or not.  _ “Definitely not the kind of thing to talk about, though.” _

“S-Sorry,” she mumbled. 

Seven replied,  _“Curiosity killed the cat. Remember that, Jiyeon. Now it’s time for me to go work my butt off again. As a heads up, I probably won't be able to talk to you tomorrow,"_ he told her. _  "I'll be too busy working. So take care of yourself, alright? Bye!” _

Jiyeon did her best to ignore the fluttering that lingered in her stomach after his departure— _ He’s becoming an important friend to me,  _ she reasoned, when it became too much to handle  _ That’s all. _

_ … But is it really? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Please let me know what you thought.


	7. Day 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late ... I had a lot of ways I wanted to go with this chapter and ended up rewriting it about four times and redistributing all the other scenes I'd written into other chapters. Plus, holidays are a pain. Christmas was bad. Meh.
> 
> No trigger warnings. Kind of a filler chapter if I'm being completely honest ... I thought it was kind of boring but I hope it doesn't read that way for anyone else. Bah. I'm satisfied without it came out but I have a lot of stuff I want to write as well.
> 
> Tbh ... I wanna write fluff between Jiyeon and Seven but that's not gonna happen for a long time e_e I was considering writing a separate series that would take place after the end of this story that's just like ... fluffy stuff between them but I miiight be getting a bit ahead of myself haha.
> 
> Most likely after this chapter the days might be split into multiple chapters. I'm not sure ... I have a lot written and I need to figure out what to put in and what not to.

_ “No one would care, you know.” His voice taunted her. “No one cares about people like us. We’re just the fucked up ones who never get anything right.” _

_ The room was dark again. She could feel him move at her side, hiding in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to jump out and scare her—so Jiyeon forced herself to stay calm despite the fact that her stomach was twisting with nerves. _

_ They weren’t coming back. They were going to leave them here to die; no one cared. Why would they care? _

_ “You know I’m right.” He sounded tired. Jiyeon was too. “Why else would your parents send you to this shithole otherwise?” _

_ The window had been opened at some point in time; she couldn’t remember when. She couldn’t remember when he’d come in the room or when her roommate had left. Had she ever been there in the first place? _

_ His voice twisted, contorted into something disgusting and terrifying.  _ **_“We should go away. We should end it all.”_ **

_ “Just leave me alone,” she finally mumbled. “We’re going to get yelled at because of you. Just go back to your own room Heon-woo. The night staff are going to come by soon.” _

_ Heon-woo laughed. His voice returned back to its previous tone as he taunted her. “They treat us like we’re idiots. I guess we all are though if we were stupid enough to survive.” _

_ The darkness was growing stronger—wrapping around her thin figure and tugging insistently in a desperate attempt to drag her down with them. Her parents weren’t coming back. It’d been nearly a week and she’d seen neither heads nor tails of them—were they going to leave her there indefinitely? _

_ She deserved it if they did. Jiyeon didn’t deserve their kindness; she didn’t deserve the money they spent on her, the food they cooked for her—disregarding the fact that they never cared whether she liked it or not; who would care, after all?— … all of it was wasted on someone like her. _

_ A hand rested on her shoulder and although it was pitch dark she saw it through the shadows. A malicious, cruel grin, stretched out thin across a pale face. She couldn’t identify who it was staring back at her but the look in their eyes terrified her. _

_ “Heon-woo, please just leave,” she tried again, her voice weakened by fear. “The staff are coming.” _

_ But Heon-woo had disappeared, replaced by the incorporeal smoke that was slowly wrapping itself around her throat and squeezing. Jiyeon choked, attempting to grab for it only for her hands to go right through it—and she felt a pressure build up in her chest as her airflow was obstructed. _

_ Stop it. Stop it. Let me leave, please just let me go. _

_ It paid her begging no mind as it crushed her throat beneath its palm. _

Jiyeon woke up in a cold sweat, a gasp caught in her throat. She rolled over, pressing her hands against damp eyes as she struggled to calm her breathing down.

_ Why am I having so many nightmares these days?  _ She questioned weakly, letting her body curl into the sheets.  _ It’s been so long since I dreamed of the hospital. _

She’d only been asleep for a couple hours and Jiyeon fumbled for her phone, yanking it off the charger. The display showed it was just a little past 1 am.

She didn’t feel scared so much as uncomfortable—she’d thought those times to be long gone, pushed into a corner of her mind that she didn’t dare touch. The two month period had been hell on Earth and she didn’t like to recollect on those memories.

Jiyeon fought the urge to turn off the display and roll back over and sleep, instead forcing herself up so she could walk around the apartment.

Pacing helped a bit. 

When she returned to the room she picked up her phone and found it was a little past one. She wasn’t surprised to see Zen and Jumin in the chat room, despite the time of night. She’d long gotten used to the fact that at least one person was up at some weird hour of the day talking in the chat room. 

Why? She didn’t know. But it gave her something to do when she was feeling restless or uneasy, so she couldn’t really complain. Although she'd rather not talk with Jumin, considering she was still upset about what he'd said, but ... she needed something to distract herself with.

> **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jumin Han: Forget that you don’t get along well with cats and consider it. This is business.
> 
> Zen: Oh, Jiyeon
> 
> Zen: Perfect timing.
> 
> Zen: This jerk
> 
> Zen: is trying to get me to be a model for his cat food!!!
> 
> Jiyeon: lel
> 
> Jiyeon: Why?
> 
> Jumin Han: Having Zen model for the company will bring in more revenue.
> 
> Jumin Han: And it will help get his name around.
> 
> Jumin Han: I don’t see why he’s refusing so much. He accepted Luciel’s help without arguing.
> 
> Zen: God …
> 
> Zen: I have an allergy!!!!! To cats!!!
> 
> Zen: It’s not that I don’t get along with them
> 
> Zen: but my fur allergy is horrible!
> 
> Zen: You should remember, you brought that fur ball to the party last time.
> 
> Jumin Han: Oh.
> 
> Jumin Han: You mean the time when everyone was admiring Elizabeth the 3rds beauty
> 
> Jumin Han: while you were stuck in the corner sneezing and spraying snot?

Jiyeon winced in sympathy.  _ That sounds awful. That had to have been really painful. _

She was planning on just watching—after all, she’d already seen once that trying to get between the two of them when they were arguing was … a lost cause. Jiyeon realized she should probably be trying harder to get the two of them to make peace with each other, but she couldn’t take a side in this case.

But then she realized that Zen was getting really,  _ really angry _ —and forced herself to step in.

> Jiyeon: Both of you …
> 
> Jiyeon: You’re doing it again. I thought you were going to try and be civil with each other? For my sake?
> 
> Zen: This guy doesn’t seem to care.
> 
> Jumin: I simply do not understand.
> 
> Jumin: I’m giving you my advice; no matter how famous you become as a musical actor, there’s a limit to your earnings and your fame.
> 
> Jumin Han:  **It’s common sense to grab the opportunity to make yourself more known.**
> 
> Jiyeon: Jumin!
> 
> Jiyeon: Seriously … that’s enough. Let Zen do what he wants; it’s just a cat food modeling job. He’s done other modeling jobs before that he actually  could do __ but the photos won’t turn out any good if he’s having an allergic reaction while you’re trying to take them.
> 
> Jiyeon: You are right that you need to take chances and make yourself well known, but consider his allergy for a moment. It’s not going to work out.
> 
> Zen: Yeah …
> 
> Zen: I honestly would like to take that opportunity, but 
> 
> Zen:  **I’M ALLERGIC!!**
> 
> Zen: Give me a proper opportunity and I’ll do it.

Yet, despite her words, Jumin didn’t seem to fully grasp what she was saying—so Jiyeon considered it a lost cause and gave up. It’d take a lot more than just her telling them to get along for them to actually get along.

> Jiyeon: Jumin. If you don’t understand why Zen won’t do it, but really want him to model for the cat food line, then make an offer he can’t resist.
> 
> Jiyeon: Actually try convincing him rather than telling him he’s being childish because of his allergies.
> 
> Jiyeon: You have to be civil and understanding if you want to get what you want.
> 
> Zen: Yeah!
> 
> Zen: Win me over!
> 
> Jumin Han:  **… You want me to win you over?**
> 
> Zen: Yes.
> 
> Zen: Wait …
> 
> Zen: I mean no …
> 
> Zen: Not that way.
> 
> Zen: That’s not what I meant! I meant for business!

Jiyeon laughed as they continued on, sending a message that she was going to head back to sleep before exiting out of the chat room and sighing to herself.

Watching them bicker made her feel a bit better, though she was still slightly on edge from her dream, and Jiyeon let herself relax back into the bed with a sigh.

* * *

At nine am she finally crawled out from the covers following a fitful sleep, heading to the bathroom to take her morning dose of medicine before heading into the kitchen to refill her water cup. She turned on the TV and plopped down on the couch, curling up into the blanket she’d left out there as she browsed for something to watch.

Her phone rested on the arm of the couch and she picked it up, glancing at the RFA application. She’d missed a chat room around three in the morning.  _ I’ll look at it in a bit. _

> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [How are you doing with coordinating the guests? Are you having any trouble?] _
> 
> _ - _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Nope, I think I have it covered. It’s getting easier to communicate with them now that we have a date.] _
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [I can imagine. Let me know if you require any assistance; I’d be happy to help you out.] _
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [Though I’d like to ask. Did you receive any weird spam message in your email?] _

Jiyeon frowned.  _ Spam email?  _ She opened her email application and scrolled through all three of them, finding nothing out of the ordinary. The email she’d received the RFA application from was still there and she deleted it.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [No, I didn’t get anything. Why?] _
> 
> Jaehee’s response came after a minute or so.
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [I received the oddest email last night. I asked about it in the chat room, so I’ll have to see if anyone else got it.] _
> 
> _ - _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Interesting … I’ll take a look at it when I go in. Other than the email, how was your day yesterday?] _

She texted Jaehee for awhile longer until the woman had to go prepare for some meeting and Jiyeon put her phone back on and returned her attention to the television. She flicked through the channels, finding nothing interesting.

She noticed Zen was in the chat room and decided to put off reading the missed messages until she was done talking to him.

> **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Zen: Oh Jiyeon, you’re here.
> 
> Zen:  **God …**
> 
> Zen: Did you see what Jaehee said?
> 
> Jiyeon: You mean about the email?
> 
> Zen: Yeah.
> 
> Jiyeon: I was texting her about it just a few minutes ago … did you get it?
> 
> Zen: **I did!**
> 
> Zen: The exact same disturbing email!
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: I usually get a ton of spam messages,
> 
> Zen: but none of them were this creepy;;;
> 
> Zen: Did you get it?
> 
> Jiyeon: No, I didn’t.

She scrolled up in the chat room until she reached the screenshot Jaehee had shared and a shiver went down her spine when she saw what it looked like.  _ How creepy. _

> Zen: Ugh … I feel so iffy about it. I can’t stay still;
> 
> Zen: I should definitely ask Seven about it!
> 
> Jiyeon: But it’s just spam, right? I think Seven would say the same thing.
> 
> Zen: You think?;;
> 
> Zen: I hope that’s it.
> 
> Zen: God, of all the things to happen …! First an injury and now this.

Jiyeon blinked.  _ When did he injure himself? _

> Jiyeon: wait, what happened? Are you alright?
> 
> Zen: Are you concerned about me? Thanks.
> 
> Zen: Actually last night, I pushed myself too hard and injured my ankle.
> 
> Zen: “orz emoji”
> 
> Jiyeon: … Last night? When last night?
> 
> Zen: Uh
> 
> Zen: After the argument with Jumin … 
> 
> Jiyeon: Zen ;;; why were you working out so late?
> 
> Zen: I just needed something to blow off some steam. That jerk pisses me off so much.
> 
> Zen: But I overdid it and was at the ER all night. It’s not broken thankfully, but it’s badly sprained. I have a cast.

Zen sent a picture of his leg and Jiyeon winced in sympathy.

> Jiyeon: Oh … that looks really painful ;; are you sure you’re OK?
> 
> Zen: Yeah, I’m fine. I don’t care if it hurts, honestly. The worst part about it actually is that I may have to give up the role I got.
> 
> Zen: I can’t practice anymore until I get this off.
> 
> Jiyeon: Oh no …
> 
> Jiyeon: Zen, I’m sorry ;;
> 
> Jiyeon: When did you say your rehearsals start?
> 
> Zen: Next week. The first showing is three weeks from today … right before the party.
> 
> Zen: But the doctor said I have to have it on for 2 weeks.
> 
> Zen: If I don’t be careful, it might lead to a more serious injury
> 
> Zen: so he told me not to try anything rash.

Jiyeon attempted to comfort the actor as best she could, but she could tell her words weren’t doing much. She’d never been part of any production, so she couldn’t exactly relate with how it must feel to get it taken away like that—but she could imagine how awful it must feel.

> Zen: I’m so ashamed of myself.
> 
> Zen: Thankfully, the fans don’t know anything yet …
> 
> Zen: I was so happy yesterday.
> 
> Zen: Jiyeon …
> 
> Zen:  I’m pathetic, right?
> 
> Jiyeon: Zen, there’s no need to be so hard on yourself. It was an accident and even if it wasn’t, that doesn’t mean you’re pathetic.
> 
> Jiyeon: Everyone makes mistakes. I’ve made a ton of them … but that doesn’t mean we’re pathetic. It just means we’re human.
> 
> Zen: You …
> 
> Zen: Thank you for always being so kind.
> 
> Zen: Really …
> 
> Zen: I want to become a great actor. Why is life always against me?
> 
> Zen: Jiyeon, you aren’t disappointed in me, are you?
> 
> Jiyeon: Of course not.
> 
> Jiyeon: Why would I be disappointed?
> 
> Zen: I …
> 
> Zen: You’re right.
> 
> Zen: I just want to be the best that I can be is all.
> 
> Jiyeon: That’s understandable, but sometimes stuff happens that you can’t stop. You can’t control every aspect of your life, as much as you may want to.

She had plenty of experience with that. Being a perfectionist had its downsides and Jiyeon had been struggling with that part of herself since she was young. Never being good enough for herself or for others was hard.

> Zen: Thanks.
> 
> Zen: I guess … it’s like Jumin said. I should grasp the opportunity given to me …
> 
> Zen: But I feel so useless
> 
> Zen: because I can’t practice my moves.
> 
> Zen: Even if they don’t make me give up the role, I’ll be behind on practice. I’ll only have a week to learn all the steps.
> 
> Jiyeon: How long do you usually have?
> 
> Zen: God … I don’t know. It depends. But more than week for sure.
> 
> Zen: But what I do know
> 
> **Yoosung has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Zen: is that I might get lucky and have it heal before two weeks.
> 
> Zen: Every time I get injured, I heal much faster than expected.
> 
> Yoosung: Zen
> 
> Yoosung: Are those cigarettes?
> 
> Zen: Uh
> 
> Zen: Yes.
> 
> Yoosung: You know
> 
> Yoosung:  **I really hate that you smoke cigarettes.**
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung: Ever since the price went up
> 
> Yoosung: everyone’s been trying to quit …!
> 
> Yoosung: Didn’t you say you were going to try too?
> 
> Jiyeon:  Yoosung … calm down.
> 
> Jiyeon: This has to be hard for Zen.
> 
> Zen: No, it’s fine.
> 
> Zen: I know I shouldn’t be smoking. I’m just so upset.
> 
> Zen: I shouldn’t have sent that selfie.

Jiyeon let herself fade into the background as the two talked, offering a few words when needed but otherwise staying silent. Ever since that morning she’d felt out of sorts; the had practically no urge to communicate with anyone.

_ I’m so tired. _

After she exited the chat room she found herself playing Pokemon again, though rather than going through the storyline she was trying to complete the Pokedex to the best of her ability. She was almost there, though … almost.

Jiyeon wasn’t sure how long passed between the chat room and her phone beginning to ring but her mood fell when she saw who it was calling her.

_ I’ve been ignoring him for a day,  _ she thought to herself as she considered whether or not to reject the call.  _ I wonder if he’s mad. _

_ … I shouldn’t answer. _

“Hey, Jumin,” she mumbled, cursing herself silently. “What do you want?”

_ “I see you’ve answered this time. Good.”  _ Jiyeon curled her arms around her legs, resting her chin on her knees and putting the DS down.  _ “I called to ask of your well-being. I have arrived safe and sound in the middle east already.” _

“Good for you.” Jiyeon pinched herself for the rude response. “I’m doing fine.”

Jumin paused before asking,  _ “You seem distraught. Is there something wrong?” _

She resisted the urge to let it all spill—just to be petty and let him know everything. The urge wasn’t strong, so it wasn’t very hard, but it was still there regardless. So instead Jiyeon sucked in a breath and lied.

“No. I’m fine.”

_ “Hm … you seem off. Have you eaten yet? It should be around lunch time in South Korea.” _

“It’s not within my normal eating hours,” she said coldly, her stomach twisting the second the words left her lips.  _ Why did I say that? Fuck, he’s going to be mad. I’m going to get in trouble.  _

_ Please don’t be mad at me. _

_ “… So that is what this is about. I see.”  _ Jumin sighed.  _ “I will admit that I’m not entirely sure why my words had such a negative response. Zen said to never mention weight around women, but it was not a comment on your weight. However, it was not my intention to upset you, so I offer my apologies.” _

Jiyeon said nothing. She wasn’t normally an outwardly petty person, but she’d been doing a lot of things she normally wouldn’t in the last week—this was just one of them. 

_ “I do hope my words did not cause you to skip meals. No matter what time you eat at, it is important to get three regular meals every day,”  _ Jumin said calmly.  _ “Where I am, it almost ten in the morning. I had a light breakfast.” _

Jiyeon still said nothing and Jumin paused in his talking.  _ “… I see I have upset you, then,”  _ he realized.  _ “I apologize. That was not my intention.” _

Finally Jiyeon relented, taking pity on the man. “It’s fine,” she said softly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted badly.”

_ “Hm … perhaps not,”  _ Jumin agreed,  _ “but many people are ruled by their emotions. That’s why I always practice keeping mine under control, so that they don’t end up controlling my actions.” _

“You know … Jumin, it’s not that easy for everyone,” Jiyeon told him, and although there was no anger or malice in her voice there was a definite tightness. “Some people just _ can’t _ . There are people who can hide their emotions or control them well, and there are people who can’t. You can’t expect people to be able to ignore their emotions just because you can.”

_ “Yes, you’re correct. However, I do believe everyone has the capability to control their emotions to some extent. When the situation calls for it, at the very least everyone should be able to do so.” _

Jiyeon shrugged. “It’s just not that easy.”

_ “I suppose not.”  _ Jumin paused.  _ “If you haven’t yet ate, then you should go do so. I know many women are on diets these days, but it isn’t a healthy approach to take if you want to lose weight.” _

Jiyeon winced. “I … I’m not on a diet,” she said softly, forcing her voice not to tremble. “I’m actually—” she hesitated, before admitting, “I’m trying to maintain my weight right now. Or maybe even gain. I lost weight that I wasn’t supposed to.”

She was down an entire kilogram since the first day she arrived at the apartment and that was terrifying to Jiyeon. She felt her energy getting less and less as the days went on and although she’d been trying her best to eat more, it was hard.

_ It doesn’t help that I haven’t eaten today either,  _ she thought with a sigh.  _ I’ll have to do better tomorrow. _

_ “Is that so? I believe the best course of action would be to up the amount of carbohydrates and protein that you are eating,”  _ Jumin said calmly.  _ “I can recommend a nutritionist if you’d like.” _

Jiyeon shook her head quickly. “No—it’s fine. I can do it myself. Thanks, though.”

She’d sooner die than go back to a nutritionist. The one she’d seen as a teenager had been … a complete ass, to put it simply. Then again, so were most of the doctors she interacted with at that age. 

She shuddered at the memory.

_ “If you insist. As for me … the food in the middle east is quite nice … different, but enjoyable,”  _ he explained. _ “The room I’m in has a great view of the desert. Mountains and oceans are nice, but the desert is something completely different.” _

“I’m guessing you must travel a lot?” Jiyeon guessed. “I went to the United States for a vacation with my parents once, but otherwise I haven’t gone outside Korea before.”

_ “Hm … not too often, but I do travel when necessary. Usually I am too busy working to take a vacation.” _

Jiyeon smiled bitterly at that. If someone as large and influential … and rich as Jumin Han didn’t take vacations, it was hilarious that her own parents, who couldn’t even begin to compare in terms of wealth and status, took them so frequently.

_ I have no right to question what they do,  _ she reminded herself with a pinch to her leg.  _ They’re my parents. I don’t question them. _

_ “It appears I must go now; there seems to be some event going on. Tomorrow I am scheduled to play golf with the oil prince … did you say you invited him to the party?”  _ He asked.

“Yeah,” she replied. “I’ve been trading emails with him. I think he’s going to come.”

_ “Good to hear. I will go now. I hope you take care of yourself, Jiyeon,”  _ he started,  _ “I do apologize for my words yesterday. My intention was not to upset you.” _

“”I—thanks, Jumin,” she whispered, blinking a few times. “Thanks.”

_ “You are welcome. Now, please excuse me.” _

All of the ill feelings she’d felt when she picked up the phone were gone, instead replaced by relief. Jumin didn’t act how she expected him to—he didn’t yell at her for ignoring his calls and avoiding him in the chat rooms. In fact, he didn’t even bring it up.

_ Thank god,  _ she thought with a sigh, ignoring the growl from her stomach.  _ Thank god that worked out. _

* * *

> **Yoosung has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Yoosung: JUMIN HAN!!!
> 
> Yoosung: 
> 
> Yoosung GET JUMIN HAN RIGHT NOW!!!!
> 
> Yoosung: (R_@#@IR{SFS}!”E2$xx!#!
> 
> Yoosung:  **JUMIN HAN!!!**
> 
> Yoosung: JUUUUUUMMIIIN!!!!!!!
> 
> Yoosung: WHY!!!!!!!
> 
> Yoosung: WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME!!!!!
> 
> Yoosung: 

Jiyeon jolted in surprise at the barrage of message, eyes wide in shock.

> Jiyeon: Yoosung, what happened?
> 
> Jiyeon: Are you OK?
> 
> Yoosung: T_T_T_T_
> 
> Yoosung: Jumin Han.
> 
> Yoosung: That guy
> 
> Yoosung: HE CALLED MY MOM!!!

Jiyeon blinked. Then she snorted, the sound dissolving into a full blown laugh. It took a moment for her to compose herself and she read through the angry messages Yoosung left while she was laughing, shaking her head in amusement.

> Yoosung: What do I do?
> 
> Yoosung: My mom …
> 
> Yoosung: is coming to my apartment …
> 
> Jiyeon: I don’t know, isn’t that a good thing? Or do you not have a good relationship with your parents?
> 
> Yoosung: Huh …?  **What?**
> 
> Yoosung: hahahaha
> 
> Yoosung: I get along with her fine
> 
> Yoosung: but
> 
> Yoosung: This is too sudden!!!!!
> 
> Yoosung: It’s happening RIGHT NOW!!
> 
> Yoosung: Why …??
> 
> Yoosung: Why is she coming?

Jiyeon sighed, her laughter dying away as she thought over the situation. She’d be mortified if her parents came to visit her; they rarely did in the first place and she didn’t particularly mind. The brief, weekly phone calls that she had were more than enough for her.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love her parents, but … they were …

Well, them.

It was the only way she could describe it.

Still, from what she could tell based on Yoosung’s description, his mother didn’t seem  _ too bad.  _ If anything, his mother seemed a lot nicer and kinder than her own—she was almost jealous.

Almost being the key word.

> Yoosung:  **I … have to go …**
> 
> Yoosung: I want to rant more,
> 
> Yoosung: but I can’t.
> 
> Yoosung: I have to clean up
> 
> Yoosung:  **if I don’t want to hear ten hours of lecturing^^**
> 
> Jiyeon: glhf
> 
> Yoosung: Gahhh…
> 
> Yoosung:  **She’s almost here.**
> 
> Yoosung: Bye. Cheer for me.
> 
> Yoosung: …
> 
> Yoosung: Oh,
> 
> Yoosung: And also,
> 
> Yoosung: I went into my Yahoo email
> 
> Yoosung: and checked it
> 
> Yoosung:  **I got that email with the strange eyes.**
> 
> Yoosung: It’s strange … 
> 
> Yoosung: but my life is busy enough. 
> 
> Yoosung: I have to leave.
> 
> Yoosung: Bye, Jiyeon!!!!
> 
> Yoosung: T_T
> 
> **Yoosung has left the chat room.**

She checked her phone, seeing that it was already around dinner time.  _ I really should go and make something to eat … but I don’t want to eat. I don’t deserve it. I’ve eaten too much the last few days. _

_ But I can’t lose weight, either. Why is this so damn hard? Why can’t I just eat? _

Her stomach growled again and she patted it firmly, urging it to be quiet. Her water cup sat empty on the nightstand and Jiyeon sighed, rolling over so she was able to gaze out the window.

It was snowing again; it’d been snowing since this morning, actually. A few times she’d peaked out the window and saw a fresh coat of snow across the ground and on the roofs of the surrounding buildings. Children were playing around and it made her want nothing more than to roll over and sleep.

_ I always hated the snow. It’s no different now. _

The snow only brought discomfort—it was cold and she’d been locked out in it too many times. Not on purpose, of course; but even her parents forgot to keep the gate unlocked at times. They just … didn’t remember things very well.  She was used to it, but it didn’t mean she had to like it.

_ I should just go take a nap or something,  _ she reasoned with a sigh, disregarding the fact that it was still fairly early in the day.  _ I don’t want to think about this anymore. _

* * *

After waking up from her nap—which, she realized, drained another 2 hours away from the day— Jiyeon noticed she’d missed yet another chat room. Reading through the logs, it looked like Seven had found out about the email and said he’d work on tracking it—and she felt her stomach tighten with nerves.

_ He’s already so busy. _

She glanced down at her legs and noticed that more blood had bled through due to her constant picking at the wounds. There was even blood under her nails. “I guess I’ll go take a shower,” she said to herself as she pushed off the bed and gathered up the towels. 

As Jiyeon stepped out from the shower she heard her phone vibrate on the counter. Blinking, she quickly wiped her hands on the towel and wrapped her hair up, only for her eyes to widen when she saw Seven and Zen were in the chat again. Seeing Seven in the chat rooms twice in the span of three hours was surprising, especially when he was supposed to be working.

She quickly hopped in.

> **Jiyeon has joined the chat room.**
> 
> 707: Heya Jiyeon
> 
> Jiyeon: Heya God Seven
> 
> 707: Heya God Jiyeon
> 
> Zen: lolol what in the world are you two doing?
> 
> 707: Playing God and Pauper.
> 
> 707: Heya Pauper Zen.
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: But both of you … 
> 
> Zen: did you see Yoosung flipping out?
> 
> Jiyeon: Yeah … I can’t believe Jumin called his mom on him ;;; I’m so nervous
> 
> 707: I’m nervous too.
> 
> 707:  **About how much trouble he’ll be in.**
> 
> 707:  **So curious**
> 
> Zen: Jumin must be crazy lol
> 
> Zen: Does he think he’s his father or something?;;

Jiyeon typed out her response as she made her way back to the bedroom, her clothes bunched up in her arms and towel wrapped around her body. She pointedly ignored the CCTV camera she passed, hoping Seven was too wrapped up in the chat room to look.

> 707:  **I think most people can’t understand his life … lol**
> 
> Zen: When he signs in, I’m gonna have to tell him some things ;
> 
> Jiyeon: ehh
> 
> Jiyeon: Don’t be too harsh on him
> 
> Jiyeon: It’s not going to change his mind and you’ll just work yourself up more.
> 
> 707: Yup.
> 
> 707: Whatever you say,
> 
> 707: I can’t hear you lol

She moved to get dressed, putting her pajama pants back on for the time being but swapping out her two sweatshirts for a jacket and a sweatshirt. She left her hair toweled up as she leaned back on the bed, frowning to herself.

_ Seven seems a bit out of it today,  _ she noticed.  _ Wasn’t he supposed to be gone all day so he’d work? _

> Zen: Seven, did you
> 
> Zen: analyze the  **email?**
> 
> 707: Oh …
> 
> 707: I actually came here to talk about that;;;;
> 
> 707: Found who sent it!
> 
> Zen: Really!?
> 
> Jiyeon: Wow … that was fast. Great job, Seven!

Seven went on to explain that the message wasn’t spam, but actually from the hacker—and although Jiyeon had expected such it didn’t make her feel any better. 

> 707: I’ll have to discuss this with V;;
> 
> 707: but I’m worried about Jiyeon since she doesn’t have any bodyguards…
> 
> Jiyeon: It’s alright, I’ll be fine. Just please let us know what you find out, alright?
> 
> 707: There’s not much I can say right now.
> 
> 707: I’m sorry …
> 
> 707: I’ll explain everything once I talk with V.
> 
> 707:  **Please trust me and wait a bit.**

She would do so—she trusted Seven despite all the things that told her she shouldn’t. But … was he really OK on his own?

_ He doesn’t even have a bodyguard. Though if he’s some secret agent then I guess he must have some security set up, but …  _ She sighed, shifting her position.  _ I’m worried. _

> Jiyeon: Seven, are you alright without a bodyguard? You’re not in danger, right?
> 
> Zen: Yeah;;;;are you really fine without one?
> 
> 707: lololol
> 
> 707: I’m the Defender of Justice.
> 
> 707: My faith in God and my gate are my bodyguards.
> 
> Zen: But you need bodyguards when you leave the house.
> 
> 707:  **I don’t leave the house.**

Jiyeon almost dropped her phone when she saw that Seven was planning on storming the hideout all by himself—immediately she tried to argue against it, or even convince him to bring someone along, but he refused. On top of that, it seemed like he hadn’t progressed much on his agency work, which made the whole thing even more dangerous.

> Jiyeon: Actually
> 
> Jiyeon: wait.
> 
> Jiyeon: I thought IP addresses only gave you a broad area? Can you really find the exact address with it?
> 
> 707: Yup.
> 
> 707:  **Don’t worry about the details of how though lol**
> 
> Zen: Are you sure you’re able to go alone?
> 
> Zen: That’s such a dangerous situation;;
> 
> 707: It’ll be hard but I can take care of myself.
> 
> 707: I’ve done some similar things as an agent.
> 
> Zen: Hmm … 
> 
> 707: Then I’ll get going
> 
> 707: to prepare everything!
> 
> Jiyeon: … Alright. Don’t strain yourself and be careful please.
> 
> 707: No need to worry.
> 
> 707: I’ll be perfectly fine.
> 
> 707:  **You take care of yourself, OK?**
> 
> 707: I’m in a time crunch
> 
> 707: so I’ll get going!
> 
> 707: Laterz
> 
> **707 has left the chat room.**
> 
> Zen:  Why is he trying to do everything on his own?
> 
> Zen: I’m nervous about this …
> 
> Zen: I’m worried he’s trying to take all the burden himself.
> 
> Jiyeon: I agree … if we all help out it’ll work so much smoother.
> 
> Zen: Exactly.
> 
> Zen: I realize I can’t be of any help because of my foot … but he could at least bring some of Jumin’s bodyguards.
> 
> Zen: Do you really think he’ll be OK …?
> 
> Zen: He has so many secrets.
> 
> Zen: I’m scared everything he’s keeping inside will just blow up one day.
> 
> Zen: I mean nothing will stop him, but …
> 
> Zen: Ugh. I don’t know. I should go get some fresh air.
> 
> Jiyeon: Go clear your head, Zen. I’m sure things will work out. We just have to try and stay positive in this situation; negativity is only going to make it all worse.

After Zen left the chat room Jiyeon was left with an empty feeling in her gut. Something definitely didn’t feel right about the situation; V was still inaccessible, Seven was brimming with work … it was so  _ frustrating. _

She didn’t want to sleep anymore, despite the fact that her body was heavy with exhaustion; it was only 8 pm after all, and she’d spent a good chunk of it sleeping. She had only come out to shower and get water—her stomach was knotted up too tightly for her to even think about eating anything.

_ I guess it  doesn’t matter. Everything will be fine,  _ she tried to convince herself as she pulled on her headphones and began to blast music into her ears.

* * *

After going through a concerto and three etudes Jiyeon heard her music dull. She saw that Seven was calling her and frowned a bit.

_ Doesn’t he have work to do? Why is he calling me? _

Not that she was complaining; she didn’t mind talking to him. But she didn’t want to be a distraction to him.

Still, she answered regardless, pulling off the headphones and letting them rest beside her leg on the bed.

_ “Red light! Red light! Um … I feel like I’m acting strange these days. I might be sick.” _

“Sick with what?” Jiyeon questioned. “Do you have a fever?”

_ “Ahh … no, not exactly …”  _ Seven hesitated before asking,  _ “Will you listen to what I have to say?” _

“Of course! I’m ready whenever you need to talk,” she replied, smiling softly. As much as she hated talking about her own problems, it always made her feel better to be able to help others through theirs.

_ “Haha. Thanks for being so enthusiastic,”  _ he said softly.  _ “I really like that you’re so bright. I feel like I’m under the sun when I talk to you.” _

_ “On some days, I don’t leave the house at all … and I feel like I’m sitting under the sun when I’m talking with you.”  _ Jiyeon blushed a bit at that. She’d never considered herself the type of person who could light up someone’s day.  _ “So just listen for now.” _

And so he told her about a mission he’d gone on—one where he’d been trapped in a boiler room for three days straight, without any food or water to sustain him. Jiyeon shuddered as she listened, horrified just imagining what it must’ve been like. She couldn’t imagine going through such an experience.

Hearing he had no one for him, no one to mourn him … was a sad thought.  _ But I guess that’s just the life of a secret agent hacker,  _ she supposed.  _ As sad as it is. _

“I … that’s really sad,” she admitted. “To not have anyone to mourn you … or anyone to miss you.”

Seven sighed.  _ “I guess it may sound sad to you, but to me it just feels empty. I had all those hackers chase me and attack me, but they were never really aware of who I am,”  _ he told the girl.  _ “But … it’s strange.” _

“What is?”

_ “Now that I’m so aware of your presence, I constantly think about who I am. Why is that? I’m just hallow … I was so distracted by that thought earlier that I was typing your name while coding. If I leave traces of you with my hands, then you might be in danger again because of me ...” _

_ "I know you are a good person.”  _ Jiyeon’s chest tightened. He wouldn’t think she was a good person if he knew anything about her.  _ “I also know that we are very different from birth. … Do you think it’s because I know?” _

“Know?”

_ “Know you; about you, at least,”  _ he corrected.  _ “I keep wanting to know more, but I’m afraid to approach you. Even still … I constantly look forward to seeing your face on the security feed. But even today … I’ve barely seen you. Are you … are you alright? Nothing is wrong, right?” _

Jiyeon clutched her phone tighter to her ear, squeezing her eyes shut. “I … don’t worry about me. I’m not—”

_ I’m not important. _

“I’m not in danger,” she said instead. “I’m alright. Please believe me.”

_ “... Are you sure? You promise?”  _ Jiyeon hummed, but didn’t respond otherwise.  _ “Well … I’m glad. But God … what am I doing …? I’m sorry. I feel like I’m just saying weird things all the time.” _

_ “I’ll hang up now. Good night …” _

Jiyeon stared at her phone wordlessly before sighing. She opened up the text screen and began typing to Jaehee.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Jaehee, can I get some advice?] _

Her heart raced as she sent the text, her hands clammy, and suddenly Jiyeon wished she’d never sent the message in the first place. She barely knew Jaehee—why would the older woman want to help  _ her?  _ Not even people she knew for years wanted to help her. She wasn’t worth it.

Jiyeon refilled her water cup and lounged on the couch, staring at the TV dully. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, her phone buzzed with a reply.

> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [Of course. What’s the problem?] _

Jiyeon chewed on her lip, her stomach growling. She patted it again, more firmly this time in hopes of shutting it up. Just because she’d been eating more regularly and larger meals didn’t mean she could get greedy.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [Do you remember when you asked me about love at first sight? I still don’t believe in it, but … I’ve never loved before. But for some reason, when I’m around certain people I just get so happy and I want them to like me. But I know they won’t, and never could.] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I don’t want them to see all the bad things about me, but I feel like sometimes that’s all people see because there aren’t a lot of good qualities that I have.] _
> 
> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I don’t think it’s love … but I’m scared of them not liking me. I’m scared they’ll learn more about me and be disgusted or hate me. I don’t know what to do.] _

Jiyeon curled her toes and hands tightly, breathing through her nose. Maybe it would’ve been better to ask Zen— _ No, he has his injury to worry about. I can’t stress him out with this.  _

_ But I’m stressing Jaehee out, too. She has all her work for Jumin to do … I’m just being a burden. _

Jiyeon was typing out an apology and Jaehee’s response came through.

> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [Are you talking about Luciel?] _
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [Luciel is … quite different than most people. Although he denies having any feelings for you, I do believe that what he feels is not platonic.] _
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [He, too, has dark parts of his personality I’m sure … he has his job as a secret agent. None of us know what he actually does, but that type of job comes with heavy burdens.] _
> 
> **_Jaehee Kang:_ ** _ [What I’m trying to say is … whatever you are afraid of showing him, or the RFA as a whole, will not drive us away. We have accepted you as a part of the RFA and will stand by you, no matter what.] _

Jiyeon blinked rapidly, her vision blurring with tears.  _ She has to be lying,  _ her mind told her.  _ It doesn't make sense. They would never accept you in such a short period of time. _

She pressed her hands to her eyes to stem the tears, her shoulders shaking under the weight of her suppressed sobs. She didn’t  _ understand. _

Another text, but not from Jaehee this time.

> **_707:_ ** _ [U alright?] _

It was then that she realized she was in the living room, in full view of the camera. Dread coiled in her stomach and she immediately gathered up her things, rushing out of the room and back into the bedroom.

> **_Jiyeon:_ ** _ [I’m fine. Sorry.] _

She typed out a reply to Jaehee through her tears, thanking the woman for her advice—before plugging her phone in and curling into the blankets.

Nothing made any sense.

* * *

> **Jumin Han has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jumin Han: Jiyeon.
> 
> Jumin Han: How is your evening?
> 
> Jumin Han: It is beautiful in the Middle East.
> 
> Jiyeon: :/
> 
> Jiyeon: That’s good and all, but why did you call Yoosung’s mother?
> 
> Jumin Han: Oh …
> 
> Jumin Han: I was only showing a bit of kindness for Yoosung.
> 
> Jumin Han: 
> 
> Jumin Han: But first …
> 
> **Zen has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jumin Han: My room has the best view to see the desert sunrise.
> 
> Jumin Han: The desert … is always so beautiful.
> 
> Zen: Beautiful? Yeah right!!
> 
> Jiyeon: Jumin … now really isn’t the time to be talking about this.
> 
> Jumin Han: Oh? Why not? Beauty must be appreciated …
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: Jumin Han … you little nosy bastard!!
> 
> Zen: Can’t you feel Yoosung’s pain!?
> 
> Zen: 

Jiyeon took a drink of water, stretching her legs out in front of her on the bed. Her stomach had stopped hurting, finally, after an entire day of aches and hunger pains. She realized that this was the wrong direction to be going in, but … she just couldn’t muster up the energy to eat today. She couldn’t get the energy to do  _ anything today. _

The dream had sucked away any good thoughts and feelings that she’d had, leaving her empty and cold and tired. It took away her will to fight and made her want nothing more than to just lay in bed and rot.

> Jumin Han: I don’t see the problem here.
> 
> Jumin Han: I simply arranged a family reunion between Yoosung and his mother.
> 
> Jumin Han: Gosh …
> 
> Zen: Gosh?
> 
> Jumin Han: The hotels in the Middle East are so luxurious.
> 
> Zen: 
> 
> Zen: Don’t change the subject!
> 
> Jumin Han: Truthfully
> 
> Jumin Han: I would like to contact Jiyeon’s parents, too. Following a stranger’s orders to go to an unknown apartment is dangerous and irresponsible.
> 
> Jumin Han: Look at the situation it has gotten her into now.
> 
> Jiyeon:  **Don’t you dare.**
> 
> Jiyeon:  **If you call my parents, I will never forgive you.**

Jiyeon grit her teeth at the threat. She’d just began to forgive Jumin for his earlier comment about weight gain and her eating habits and now she was starting to resent him again.

Yoosungs parents seemed kind; the type of people you could just call, have check on their kids, and then go on their way.

Her parents would rip away her freedom and lock her up again. She was already too dependent on them as it was, having them pay for her apartment, school, and food—but they gave her no other option. She’d been forbidden from working— _ ”You’ll only fail if you work while in school”— _ and given an ultimatum that left her with no option but to focus entirely on University. Not to say her parents weren't kind, and not that she didn't appreciate everything they did for her, but Jiyeon didn't agree with everything they did—maybe she was being spoiled, maybe she was being a brat, but she'd rather die than return to that suffocating house.

> Jumin Han: I’m not saying I will.
> 
> Jumin Han: But the thought has occurred.
> 
> Jumin Han: What is so bad about leading a more productive life with the support of a mother?
> 
> Jumin Han: Familiar bond is beautiful and strong.
> 
> Zen:  **What the hell?**
> 
> Jiyeon: Jumin, not all families have tight bonds.
> 
> Jiyeon: You’re lucky Yoosung and his mother seem to get along well, but some people … don’t have that luxury.
> 
> Zen: Yeah, Jiyeon is right.
> 
> Zen: You’re not always right you jerk!
> 
> Jumin Han: I tend to believe that all families have a tight bond, whether it’s visible or not.
> 
> Zen: A lot of families don’t have that.
> 
> Zen: Yoosung is an adult!

The entire conversation was making her anxious—did Jumin know her full name? Or just her first name and photo? Had Seven shared her full name?

… No, probably not. She didn’t remember seeing it that first night when she read over the messages she’d missed by turning off her phone. If she never gave Jumin her family name then there’d be no way for him to find her parents number without going through Seven—and she trusted he wouldn’t give it away.

_ Seven said everyone deserves privacy. He didn’t approve of Jumin’s stunt, either. I’ll be fine.  _ She tried to convince herself, to calm herself down with those words, but they did little to help. She was too high strung, too tired, too worn down from the past six days to even hope for any bit of calmness.

Her replies were curt and straight to the point, and she only offered them when directly addressed. In the end, she left, leaving only a vague  _ ‘gtg bye’  _ in the chat room before exiting out.

_ I probably won’t sleep much tonight,  _ she realized with a sigh.  _ I guess I’ll play Animal Crossing. _

And so she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew it's done  
> so  
> tired  
> aghh
> 
> Please let me know what you thought!


	8. Day 7 [1]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Tentative update. I'll admit that not a lot of exciting stuff happens in this chapter, but I thought I might as well throw it out and see where I can go from here ... it's so much shorter than all the past ones, but I'm thinking that maybe, if I get this short chapter out there, and continue in the next one, it will help with my productivity. Rather than sitting here agonizing over all the scenes I have written out, and trying to lengthen this one, I can focus on the next chapter instead of agonizing over this one.
> 
> There's a lot of exciting scenes (I think) that I have written, but they're all focused on future chapters, after this has been put out. So ... I hope this short chapter doesn't bother anyone, because there's not very much that happens. But I have to establish a tone and mood.

At three AM she found herself wide awake, tired eyes boring a hole through the thin sheet of glass that covered the bedroom window. It was the only thing protecting her from the harsh, unforgiving winds of the outside world, from the white snow and slush scattered through the air and across the sidewalk. There was no desire for anything at the moment—just a bone deep weariness that had no beginning nor an end.

The little blue LED light on her phone blinked periodically, trying to entice her into picking it up and checking; into exploring the chatroom that had likely been going on for the last ten minutes. Or, maybe, it had ended already; ignored and forgotten by the girl, whose shoulders bore a weight too heavy for her willowish frame and whose head was too muddled with exhaustion and fear to concentrate on the task she’d willingly adopted.

Animal Crossing had been all but forgotten about in darkness of the night, the electronic itself plugged into the outlet somewhere in the apartment. Jiyeon rolled over, turning her back to the window that begged her to jump and embrace the cold, and let her eyes rest on the opposite corner.  Being so high up meant that the meager city lights couldn’t reach Rika’s bedroom, leaving the only real light a result of the dim moonlight peeking through the clouds. But there wasn’t enough to chase away the shadows in the corner, dancing up the walls and hovering around her head, waiting patiently for her to doze off so they could pounce.

For a second, she thought the shadows had materialized into the lithe form of a boy—twenty, maybe. But when she blinked again the shapes had dissolved back into the wall, leaving her tense and on edge. Her eyes burned, begged for rest, but Jiyeon firmly ignored the cries and let herself curl further into the thick blankets, pretending that the darkness hadn’t burrowed into her chest instead of the walls.

It seemed like a losing battle and only when her eyes finally slipped shut, ready to succumb to the exhaustion lingering around the corner, did her phone light up the room and yank her eyes back open. Someone was calling, but the sheer brightness of her phone screen was all but blinding. It took a good second of fumbling, during which Jiyeon nearly toppled off the bed with how tangled she’d become in the sheets, before she finally grasped the electronic in her hand and squinted down at the brightness. It wasn’t a number in her contact list, and it wasn’t from the RFA application.

She dismissed it as spam and waited for the call to go to voicemail before placing her phone screen side down on the bed and sinking back into the warmth.

But it wasn’t as inviting as it’d been before and the hellish battle between her exhaustion and her paranoia began anew, dragging a pit of misery down onto her head as it swirled around her throat and burrowed into her eyes.

* * *

Jiyeon acknowledged that, when she finally dragged herself out of bed with zero hours of sleep under her belt, perhaps staying up the entire night wasn’t one of her smartest ideas. Her phone was still face down, forgotten for the most part. It hadn’t so much as pinged since the spam call in the middle of the night and, while she had no doubt that something was likely going on in the chatroom, there was the torturous thought that her presence wasn’t exactly _necessary_  at this point.

_ I am unnecessary. I am—I am … _ Maybe the thoughts should’ve hurt; maybe it should’ve burned, to think that she’d again be forgotten and tossed aside. Maybe she should’ve felt something other than a tired indifference to the position she’d landed herself in.

But, blissfully, she felt nothing.

She took her medications like clockwork, not daring to look into the mirror, and stared into the fridge for a good minute before reluctantly retrieving an apple from its depths. Her limbs still burned, with healing wounds that hadn’t received nearly enough rest and kindness to heal properly, but Jiyeon ignored the pain and cut the apple into neat and measured slices before noting down the weight and retreating back to the bedroom.

_ She’d never liked eating away from the kitchen, but Seven could _ see  _ her and no one should have to see the pathetic display she was putting on, the skin she wore that made her look like a  _ person _ rather than a creature— _

When Jiyeon picked up her phone, for the first time in hours, she saw three voicemails, seven missed calls—from her phone book, not the RFA—, two chatrooms, and three texts displayed on her lock screen. It was utterly confounding how so many things had piled up when she hadn’t even seen her phone blink after the random call during the night.

But before she went to check any of the notifications, she tapped into her logging app and put in the weight of the apple. Watched as the digits displayed across her screen, watched as she confirmed the entry, watched as the numbers sat there, tempting and taunting her to give up—to throw in the towel and starve.

Jiyeon exited the application and pretended that the apple slice she picked up didn’t feel like a weight between her fingers.

Maybe it was a curse; as she cycled through the missed calls and dialed her voice mailbox, putting in the password to allow her access, she put her phone on speakerphone and waited for the message to play.

But nothing did.

There was an eerie, dead silence that lasted six seconds before the automated voice returned, prompting her to either delete, replay, or archive the message. Jiyeon deleted it thoughtlessly, slightly unnerved. There had been no sign that anyone had been on the other end; no breathing, no static, no hum that could indicate some kind of heater or electronic in the background—just silence. As if someone had cut a slice out of the air and sent it to her, a taunting message about all she was doing wrong.

When the next two voicemails followed the same pattern, Jiyeon hung up the call almost as soon as they were done playing, not bothering to delete the last one in her haste. Scrolling through her missed calls offered no information, either; all the calls had been from a different number, all marked as unknown or unlisted. Jiyeon didn’t know much of anything on how cell phones and cell networks worked except that, when she was still a child, before her sins had crashed down on her back and her punishment had been dished out, she and her friends had picked up the phone and dialed three numbers before the outgoing number to “hide” who was calling.

The moment she opened the RFA application to check what she’d missed, V entered the chatroom. For a second, there was the urge to just  _ leave _ —to exit the application and lay back down, pretending she’d never seen him come in. Pretend that she’d fallen back asleep.

But V didn’t come in very often. Even with the knowledge that her _own_  entry to the RFA had spurred the man into being more active himself, she’d barely seen or heard anything from him in the days since she arrived. So, reluctantly, Jiyeon curled into the blankets she’d discarded earlier and entered the chatroom with a weight on her chest.

> **Jiyeon has entered the chat room.**
> 
> Jiyeon: V? You’re here?
> 
> V: Jiyeon, hello.
> 
> V: Yes. My phone is working for the time being.
> 
> V: I hope you’re having a good day.
> 
> V:  **I see that everyone is putting in a lot of effort preparing for the party.**
> 
> V: And we’ve got a good selection of guests, too^^

_ Is it wrong I’d rather not respond? _ She wondered, before shaking the thought away. Of course it was. V hadn’t done anything wrong; it wasn’t his fault her mood had been dropped so low. It wasn’t his fault she’d come here. It wasn’t—

> Jiyeon: it’s pretty amazing, isn’t it?

It didn’t hold as much life to it as her earlier conversations may have, but Jiyeon doubted she was even  _ alive _ in anything more than a literal sense at the moment. The facade and mask she’d been playing with since she arrived was cracking at the seams and she had no idea how to put it back together.

> V: Yes … considering it has been some time since we last held a party
> 
> V: And that, compared to our last parties, the amount of preparation time is quite short … 
> 
> V: I am glad the turnout has been positive so far.
> 
> **Jumin Han as entered the chat room.**
> 
> V: Hello, Jumin.
> 
> Jumin Han:  **V …**
> 
> Jumin Han: I see you’ve come in again.
> 
> V: Yes.
> 
> V: I see you’re in the Middle East. How is it?
> 
> Jumin Han: Incredible.
> 
> Jumin Han: Elizabeth the 3rd has been great company on this trip.
> 
> Jumin Han: Where are you at?
> 
> V: Oh …
> 
> V: I’m currently working on a photoshoot in the wilderness.
> 
> Jumin Han: … Is that a good idea?
> 
> V:  Don’t worry, Jumin.

She stared at the apple slices on the plate, hating the way the display taunted her. Was there even a point in trying anymore? The chatroom went on without her; a conversation between two friends that she had no place in. Observing felt wrong, like some kind of atrocious sin that she would pay dearly for when the time came, but Jiyeon couldn’t bring herself to look away.

> Jumin Han: That reminds me.
> 
> Jumin Han:  **Your father wishes to meet with me when I returned from the Middle East.**
> 
> Jumin Han: It seems he’s returned to Korea.
> 
> Jumin Han: Have you spoken to him recently?
> 
> V: No … I didn’t know he’d returned.
> 
> V: Are you planning to meet with him?
> 
> Jumin Han: I might as well.
> 
> V: … I hope it goes well.
> 
> Jumin Han: I see your relationship with Mr. Kim hasn’t changed.
> 
> Jumin Han: … No, we’ll talk on the phone about this.
> 
> V: Hmm …
> 
> Jiyeon: Enjoy your phone call.
> 
> Jumin Han: Thank you for understanding, Jiyeon.
> 
> V: I suppose I should call you, then. I don’t know how long I’ll have connection for.
> 
> Jumin Han: Very well.
> 
> Jumin Han: Jiyeon, I’ll go first.
> 
> **Jumin Han has left the chat room.**
> 
> V: I’ll go too. Thank you for all your hard work, Jiyeon.
> 
> Jiyeon: of course
> 
> Jiyeon: enjoy your call with Jumin.
> 
> V: Thank you.
> 
> **V has left the chat room.**

She should’ve felt bad about the relief their departure brought. She  _ should’ve _ . But instead, there was a bitter, resigned slump to her shoulders. Jiyeon stared at the empty chat room for a few seconds before scrolling back to read what she’d missed.

_ You have texts to respond to. _ The thought taunted her, growing louder and more vicious the longer she read. Words barely registered and Jiyeon promptly turned off the display, picking up the barely touched plate of fruit and placing it on the ground before crawling back under the blankets. She yanked the covers over her head and held them there, not unlike she’d done when she was a small child, scared of the dark or the stifling silence of an empty house. Not a home, because homes were welcoming and filled with warmth; just a house. Somewhere to live, somewhere to grow—but not a place of comfort.

_ I’m okay. I’m okay. _ She repeated the words to herself desperately, trying to force herself into believing it.  _ I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay— _

Jiyeon could see her hands fisted into the blankets. She saw how prominent her veins were against her pale skin, imagined how sallow her skin must’ve looked. How pathetic a display she must’ve been; the bags beneath her eyes seemed to be deep enough that, no matter how much she rested, they’d permanently remain as a stain on her skin.

“I can’t do this anymore.” The words were barely a whisper, more of a desperate plea rather than an admittance of her own weakness. “I don't want to. I want this to be over.”

Jiyeon felt oddly detached. 

“I should’ve jumped, I should’ve just done it. I should’ve—I should’ve …” at this point, it felt more like she was trying to convince herself of those words than anything else. Repeating the words felt natural, but the feeling they invoked was anything but.

_ When had she gone from actively wishing for death, to trying to convince herself that she had to die? When had death become an excuse, rather than a reason? _

The sleep she fell into was as numb and empty as she felt.

* * *

> **Yoosung** :  _ [Good morning!] _

Jiyeon stared at those two words for a good moment, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard as she pondered on what to say. Her phone’s clock confirmed that, somehow, she’d fallen asleep for nearly three hours. Yoosung had texted her just after she’d fallen asleep.

Her guilt weighed on her chest as she stared at the message, wondering if there was even a point in responding to the boy. She’d already ignored him for so long—would not responding really be all that awful?

_ Yes, _ Jiyeon reminded herself.  _ Yoosung doesn’t deserve that. _

> **Jiyeon:** _ [sorry, i was asleep lol] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [how are you?] _

The anxiety in her stomach was a combination of fear—of anger and retribution, of scorn and mocking; of having all her failures and shortcomings thrown right back into her face—and exhaustion. She wanted a response, but dreaded one at the same time.

Yoosung replied quickly regardless. Jiyeon pretended that, when she felt her phone buzz in her hand, she hadn’t squeezed her eyes shut in fear of what his message would say.  _ Yoosung is kind. Yoosung wouldn’t do that _ .

> **Yoosung:** _ [It’s OK! I just got out of class.] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [but it was a bad morning for me :((] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [I overslept and was late for my first class and the teacher scolded me T_T] _
> 
> -
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [Why were you late in the first place? Did you stay up playing games all night?] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ […] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [yeah.] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [How has your day been?] _

Jiyeon sighed to herself, staring at the message for a long moment. There was no way she could tell Yoosung how she was actually doing, considering that he’d probably go tell Seven or something. And even if she made him promise not to, then he’d just be concerned and unable to concentrate on school. There was already enough guilt on her shoulders without adding that to it all.

> **Jiyeon:** _ [just the same as usual.] _

Considering that, as of late, Jiyeon had been struggling nearly every morning with something, it wasn’t entirely a lie. It was just … particularly worse today.

She decided to simply change the subject before he could pry anymore. She wouldn’t hold up under any modicum of questioning, even if Yoosung couldn’t see her lying through her teeth as she replied to him.

> **Jiyeon:** _ [Was it at least worth sleeping in?] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [Kind of … I’ve been grinding for an event item this entire week, and I still haven’t got it T_T and my guild has been trying too, but the drop rate is just so low.] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [pray to RNGesus lol] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [I wish I could be playing something right now, but my computer is back at my apartment and I don’t know how to get into Rika’s … so all I have is handhelds]  _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [but I also don’t have access to the wifi ;;;;] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [That sounds awful … I can’t imagine not gaming for an entire week] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [it’s fine, really] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [I have my handhelds and mobile games, at least. But it’s not really the same.] _

While she waited for his response, Jiyeon began the process of folding up her clean clothes and placing them back into the bag she’d brought them with. She’d been dumping all the laundry on Rika’s desk chair and, although she knew she’d been staying at the apartment indefinitely, it felt impolite to leave her things laying around. After all, it wasn’t  _ her  _ apartment.

> **Yoosung:** _ [handhelds? Which do you have?] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [I feel like it’s been forever since I played a handheld game …] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [Just my DS’s. I brought my PS4 as well, but it’s not really a handheld.] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [‘s? You have more than one?] _

She made sure everything was neat and orderly before picking her phone back up.

> **Jiyeon:** _ [one is from the US and the other’s Korean] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [Since my parents were overseas during my birthday, they bought me both the US DS and games, since Nintendo systems are region locked] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [The Korean one is just what they bought for me here.] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [wow … you have a lot of electronics, don’t you?] _

Jiyeon felt her stomach churn. This conversation was going in a direction she didn’t like—discussing her parents was always touchy, especially when it came to all the things they bought for her.

> **Jiyeon:** _ [i guess.] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [are you done with your classes for today?] _

She hoped he’d take the change of subject without protest. And thankfully, he did.

> **Yoosung:** _ [uh] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [no … I still have one class left, actually. It starts soon … I don’t want to go T_T] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [gotta get it done] _
> 
> **Jiyeon:** _ [is it your last class for today at least?] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [Yeah.] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [I guess I should get going, actually …] _
> 
> **Yoosung:** _ [I’ll talk to you later, Jiyeon!] _

If she felt at all guilty over the relief she felt from Yoosung’s departure, it was overshadowed by the exhaustion and weight on her shoulders. Her mood would, hopefully, improve before the day was over, but she held no hope for that outcome.

* * *

It was fascinating how the clock had already passed noon yet the girl could count on less than one hand the amount of things she’d done so far. She’d missed another chat room while asleep and was still behind on reading the ones she’d missed, during the night. It was at times like this that Jiyeon questioned why she tried in the first place.

The world would go on without her. It already had, and she was still living.

The apples had browned from the oxygen in the air and although she knew it didn’t affect the taste much, it was just one more reason not to eat. Why waste calories on something imperfect? It wasn’t what she’d allowed herself earlier. There was no need to remove it from the logging app, but there was no reason to eat it, either.

_ I’m regressing _ , she realized almost numbly as she picked up the plate and brought it to the kitchen, hoping that Seven wasn’t watching through the cameras as she dumped the fruit in the trash.  _ This isn’t improvement. I’m not improving. _

The fact that her phone lit up with a call the second she stepped through the threshold of the bedroom and shut the door behind her was almost frustrating enough to bring tears to her eyes.

_ Give me a break. _ The thought played on repeat as she dropped down on the bed, staring at the caller ID. It was Seven.  _ Let me rest. I’m so tired of this. _

Jiyeon stalled answering as long as she could, and for a second was tempted to ignore the call all together. But the timing was too perfect; Seven watched her walk into the room and would know that she purposely ignored his call, and he had  _ power. _ He could hurt her, he could ruin her, he could—

_ He won’t _ .

_ “I noticed you haven’t left the room much today,”  _ Seven stated, the second she’d accepted that she had to answer and lifted her phone to her ear. Jiyeon sighed softly, hoping the sound didn’t convey just how tired she was.  _ “And you’ve barely logging into the chat rooms at all, today. Are you sure you’re alright?” _

“I’m fine,” she lied, letting her gaze filter up to the ceiling. She was feeling detached, again. Like the world had split her consciousness away from her body and brought it somewhere else. “Don’t worry about me.”

There was a short pause, and she heard Seven exhale before speaking again.  _ “You’re afraid.” _

Jiyeon jolted. “What? No I’m not—”

_ “The hacker situation has you scared, doesn’t it? You don’t have to hide that … it’s understandable for you to be afraid. There’s no shame in that.” _

There was a twisted feeling in her gut.  _ Guilt, _ her mind supplied. Her inactivity and lethargy had brought Seven to a conclusion that, while technically correct, didn’t really convey the entire truth of her current situation, and left him feeling guilty enough to call her. 

_ He has work to do, and I’m keeping him from it. _ Her throat felt tight, suddenly. It felt like her conscious had been slammed back into her body in the span of a second, leaving Jiyeon with what could only really be described as whiplash as a result.  _ This is all my fault. _

_ “Listen …”  _ Seven began, when her silence stretched on indefinitely.  _ “You don’t have to be ashamed, or feel any kind of guilt or embarrassment … this isn’t the sort of situation anyone would expect to find themselves in. There’s no shame in being afraid.” _

All she had to do was say it; three easy words.  _ That’s not it. _ She could tell him he was wrong and relieve the worry. She could let him work. She could stop being a  _ burden. _

But honestly, Jiyeon couldn’t even bring herself to speak at all, much less whisper the truth, because it would only damn her in the end.  When she continued her silence, Seven’s concern became more apparent in his voice.  _ “Jiyeon?”  _ he began, softly.  _ “Hey, you’re there, right? What’s wrong?” _

Talk. Talk.  _ Talk. _ “Sorry,” she offered back, trying to force some amount of life into her voice. It sounded as dead and empty as she felt. “I’m listening; I’m not scared.” There was that feeling, again, of detachment. Was it really her speaking? “So please, don’t worry about me … you have a lot of work to do, right? For your agency? I can’t—I don’t want to distract you.” Desperation was beginning to bleed into her voice with every spoken excuse.  _ Get me out of this, get me out get me out. _ “I—I know it’s important. So you can’t be wasting time like this, right? You’ve—”

Seven cut off her panicked rambling,  _ “Whoa! Whoa, take it easy; there’s no need to worry about that. I can … I can do both at the same time.”  _ The slight pause in his words gave away the lie, but Jiyeon chose not to comment on it.  _ “But you … you’re all alone in the apartment, and we can’t send any guards to protect you. All I can do is watch through the camera … I’m sorry. I’m sorry I can’t do more for you.” _

“It’s—It’s really OK,” she repeated, beginning to grow frantic. Speaking wasn’t becoming any easier; in fact, it seemed like every word she spoke drained more of her nonexistent energy from her body. But there was a tug to keep talking as well as a tug to give up, and neither seemed to be pulling any harder than the other. “There’s no other choice. It wouldn’t matter either way—so don’t worry.”  _ Please. _ “Did you get to talk to V earlier? He was on, for a bit; I know he called Jumin.”

_ “... Yeah—I got in touch with him, but his connection was so unstable that I could barely get a word out before he disconnected.”  _ There was a touch of frustration in Seven’s voice.  _ “So I had to call back and leave a voicemail. _

“Oh.” She hesitated, unsure how to respond to such a thing. “I’m sorry … it has to be distressing to not be able to reach him, right?”

_ “Yes; but don’t worry about that, okay? I’m working as hard as I can to make sure that no one gets hurt. I just hope that it’s enough.” _

Jiyeon bit her lip, rolling over his words as she struggled for an appropriate response. “I think … with how hard you’re working, everything is going to be fine.” She let the words hang for a moment before reluctantly continuing, “It’s not a guarantee, of course, but … I know you’re doing everything you can to protect everyone.”

Seven was silent for a few seconds and Jiyeon felt the panic creeping back in—had she said something wrong? Could he tell she was faking it all?  _ I shouldn’t have said anything in the first place. I messed up again. I should’ve let the call go to voicemail, why didn’t I just ignore it? _

_ “I might be doing everything I can, but even that … even that isn’t always enough. You might believe it is, but that’s just because you don’t know me.”  _ He seemed to struggle for a moment, as if he was considering whether or not to continue down that line of thought. _ “Honestly … there’s a lot I haven’t told you about myself, Jiyeon. About my work and what I do—because those things are dark and filthy.” _

_ “I can’t even bring myself to tell the rest of the RFA,”  _ he admitted,  _ “but even if I could, I wouldn’t want them to know. It’s a side that I want to keep to myself … because I don’t want to burden anyone else with this weight. I only want to show my bright and fun side.”  _ Seven sighed again, sounding almost aggravated at himself.  _ “But truthfully, I’m not always the goofy, happy guy I am in the chats.” _

Maybe Jiyeon was imagining it, but she swore she could hear the accusation in his voice.  _ I know you’re a fake. I know you’re faking, too. _ It made her mouth dry and stomach clench nervously at the very thought of being exposed so deeply. But if Seven was like her … would it really be an exposure? Or would it be understanding?

“I know.” Speaking seemed a bit easier, this time; maybe it was his words. The similarities and parallels that existed, regardless of whether or not Seven was aware of them. At least she wasn’t alone. “And—that’s okay. You don’t have to apologize; I don’t mind you telling me. I’m …” her voice softened slightly, hesitance dripping into her tone as she admitted, “I’m glad you trust me enough to share that. Keeping stuff locked up doesn’t help; it’ll just—” Jiyeon swallowed hard. “It’ll make everything worse.”

_ I’m such a hypocrite.  _

Seven sighed softly, but the touch of self-depreciation that had been in his voice was all but gone.  _ “You’re right … but sometimes, keeping it locked up is the only way to protect everyone.” _

She stared down at her hand, idly spreading her fingers across her thigh. “You know … you don’t have to,” she started, slightly hesitant. “Protect everyone, that is. You might—you might  _ feel  _ like you have to, but—” Jiyeon exhaled sharply, curling her hand into a fist, “—you should take care of yourself, too; protect yourself.”

Seven was silent for a few seconds and Jiyeon squeezed her eyes shut, biting back the panic that threatened to engulf her.  _ I said too much. I said too much and now he’s mad, he’s going to be mad at me— _

_ “You’re … really something, aren’t you?”  _ Seven laughed, but it was barely loud enough to carry through the phone.  _ “My safety, huh? If the RFA isn’t safe, then why should I be?”  _ Jiyeon realized she couldn’t hear any typing or creaking from his chair.  _ “I’ve sworn to protect everyone. If I can’t even do that, then—” _

“Seven,” she interrupted, wincing as his name came out of her mouth. She hadn’t meant to interrupt him and although the words were coming easier now, the way she spoke them felt wrong. Distorted, awkward, jarring. “Please—take care of yourself. I … I don’t—” her breath caught in her throat, panic filling her chest and pressing against the fragile barrier of bone and skin, “I—I don’t want you to be hurt.” She was nearly whispering by the end of the confession, eyes fixed on the white sheets she was seated on. “And if you’re hurt, who will keep everyone safe?”

_ “I know … you’re right,”  _ he admitted with a sigh.  _ “As much as I hate it, the only way I can keep everyone safe is by keeping my head down and getting my work done on time. Still, it’s so hard—that hacker is out there, threatening everyone, and I can’t do anything!”  _ Almost as soon as his voice had climbed to a yell, it had fallen back to its usual pitch, and Jiyeon firmly pressed her nails into the skin of her palm.  _ “I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s just so frustrating.”  _ Seven sighed again. There was still no noise in the background to offer her a clue as to what he was doing—Jiyeon hoped it meant he was taking a break and resting, for once. At least that would mean she wasn’t wasting his time.  _ “I called to check in on you, but I just ended up talking about myself the entire time. I’m sorry.” _

“ … Why?”

_ “Huh?” _

“Why are you apologizing?” Jiyeon elaborated, somewhat nervously. “I—I don’t mean to be rude, or anything, but … there’s no reason to be sorry.” Her eyes moved back to the ceiling. It looked the same way it had just a minute before. “If calling me can help you focus, then … then that’s fine. I’m fine with that.”

She could almost hear his frown in his voice.  _ “Still … that’s not what you’re here for, Jiyeon. You’re not just my personal ranting box—you’re human. You shouldn’t have to put up with that.”  _ She shifted uncomfortably, unsure how the conversation had ended up going in this direction. What had she said wrong?  _ “So … I’ll ask again; are you okay?” _

Jiyeon swallowed hard, feeling her chest cave in slightly as the lies formed on her tongue. It was for his own good—so he could get his work done. It wasn’t a lie. It  _ wasn’t a lie _ .

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Yeah. … I’m okay.”

Seven was quiet for a long, few seconds, during which Jiyeon was almost positive he was going to call her out on it. But eventually he sighed, sounding almost upset, but resigned regardless.  _ “If you say so … I guess I should be getting back to work, then. I have to get this done as soon as possible.” _

She swallowed the lump in her throat and ignored the guilt in her stomach. “Okay … please take care of yourself,” the girl murmured, but it was as much of a plea as it was a request. “Even if—even if it’s just for my sake, please.”

_ “ … How can I say no to such a cute request? Fine, fine—I, Seven Zero Seven, will make sure to watch over my health as I slave over my work. So cheer up, OK?”  _ His tone had lightened; not quite to the same extent it would’ve usually been, but not nearly as down and dreary as it had been before. Jiyeon couldn’t even hear the disappointment she swore had been there seconds before; maybe she’d imagined it.  _ “And make sure to take care of yourself, too. Those are my conditions—deal?” _

Jiyeon rolled her eyes, but agreed regardless. The mood change was so abrupt, it had to be fake, but she was in no position to call him out on it. “Deal.” 

_ “Good! Well then, I should get back to work; take care of yourself until I call next! Bye bye~.” _

And like earlier, with Yoosung, the relief she felt when the call ended overshadowed the guilt those feelings brought. Jiyeon hoped, as awful as it was, that the next call wouldn’t be for a while longer. Although she felt lighter and more alive than she had when Seven initially called, her mood was still low. Talking to Seven, even for such a short period of time, felt like a daunting task regardless of his mood—because if he wasn’t beating on himself or joking with her, he was questioning her _own_  mood and feelings, and that—

That was too much to handle.

“I’m an awful person, huh?” She prompted the empty phone, craning her head back so she could stare up at the ceiling. “I … I really am an abomination, aren’t I?” Jiyeon blinked rapidly, feeling the lump crawl back to her throat. “I’m … I—” she swallowed hard, trying to shake the tears away. “Why am I still alive?”

The pills in the bathroom felt like a taunt. She wished she could go back in time to the 5th and wished she’d thrown her phone into the street and leapt off the bridge into the icy waters of the Han River. She wished her first attempt, way back in middle school, had succeeded. She wished the line down her arm had been deeper. She wished—

She wished it wasn’t so hard.

A wheeze escaped her throat but it nearly strangled her in the process. Jiyeon dropped the phone, curling forward and swallowing tears that hurt to hide and hurt to release. The sobs were prominent and painful and her chest creaked with each motion, so labored and painful that it wasn’t until the panic had subsided that she realized her cheeks were hot and scratched from her nails.

It burned.

She didn’t care.

* * *

“ … Zen?” Jiyeon whispered, curling underneath her blankets and staring into the sky outside Rika’s apartment. “Are you—are you busy?”

_ “Not at all,”  _ he replied.  _ “I’m taking a break from rehearsing tonight … what’s up?” _

A break. A break. Zen was taking a break and here she was  _ bothering him and— _

“I—” she hesitated, fearful of speaking at all. She was going to be a bother. “I’m … I …”

Zen stayed quiet, allowing her to gather her thoughts. Perhaps he’d seen it coming; his hints hadn’t been subtle and every time Jiyeon rebuked his offers to help, she could practically feel his disappointment through the phone.  _ This time’s different though. He doesn’t want to hear it.  _ The argument felt weak yet strong at the same time and she hated it.

Jiyeon took a deep breath, squeezed her eyes shut, and admitted, “I need help.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This year has been really hard on me. There were a lot of times where I was close to giving up, and honestly I guess I'd call it a miracle that I'm still here. A year of struggling and fighting through what felt like a hopeless scenario, one that kept hitting and hitting and hitting no matter how much I tried to stop it. But now, it's almost 2019. Things are still hard for me, but I'm alive, and I'm still here. So ... I guess, here's to a better 2019. For me, and for everyone else out there. Even if you had a good year, or if your year was filled with struggling, let's all hope for a better future.
> 
> I can't make promises that this will get another update anytime soon, but I think (hope) that publishing this part that I've hated and rewritten so many times will allow me to finish all the future chapters and pieces I have written out. So thanks to everyone who's stuck by this story, after almost a year of no updates; I promise, it's not abandoned. I would state if it was. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think please.


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